The next day, other people talked to me like it has never happened.
But I sure could felt like they were cautious of me.
Like they were scared of me, falling down on my face like last time.
It felt like they were forced to talk to me to make me feel better.
It kind of suffocating.
It reminds me a lot when the nurse talked to me like they cared for me.
Instead, they had the bell on her hand all the time, in case something happen.
But like in the hospital, I endured it.
I ignored their feelings and kept on pretending like they were my true friend.
**********
Time flew by really fast.
It's been a long time since I wrote this diary.
I'm 17 now.
You might be surprised, mom, dad, but they're really isn't anything interesting in my life along the way.
They celebrated my birthday like a happy family.
But there was medicine on every corner of the house.
My friends gave me presents.
But they were inhalers and other respiration stuff.
It's not bad being considerate, but this...
It made me felt like I was still in the hospital.
I am scared to tell them because what if they were hurt?
What if they didn't want to become my friends anymore?
These were the thought that made me felt really distant for myself.
Mom, Dad, are you still alive somewhere?
I felt like you were the only one I can depend on.
Where are you?...
********
I went to school like normal.
The smile from Hannah felt heavy.
Why?
I looked into my bag to search for a textbook.
Medicine.
A load of them in small sachets.
I pretend it had never happened like always and continue my search for the textbook.
********
There was a new girl in my class. Her long black hair and fair skin looked like she was from fairytale books.
What a beauty.
That's what I thought to myself.
The class started whispering to each other.
Wow, she's a beauty.
Is she a foreigner?
That's what I heard about her, at least.
She walked past me and sat at the empty seat behind me.
The class goes on as usual until the end of the class when they started to round up around her to befriends her.
But to other's surprise, she ignored all of them.
She distanced herself from others.
Does she really that arrogant to talk to other people?
Oh, I see.
She was too shy to talk to another person.
That face and insecure face...
It's what I looked like when I heard and my parents died.
It's the same face I made every time I wrote in my diary.
After few minutes of tries from other classmates, She was left alone.
She looked very sad, yet not even one person understand her.
I looked at her in disgust.
That was probably the reason why I didn't talk to her.
She reminded me of myself.
But the more I remembered the time when I was still in the hospital, the more I wanted to help her.
As soon as she stood up to return home from school, I grabbed her hand unconsciously, as hard as I can.