Chapter 3 - Chapter Twelve: Heaven needs a miracle 2.

"No, I have a lot to do. Buy some diapers, bathe and feed Noah, feed and bathe myself too" I said drowsily.
"I will take care of everything except feed and bathe you….Obviously" Charity said and smiled.
I was more than grateful to lie down on the bed and I thought I was going to go right to sleep but I couldn't. My mind hopped from one subject to another like wandering was the only way to keep me from curling up like a ball in a fetal position and sobbing my heart out. I don't think Charity as ever seen me shed more than a tear or two and I didn't want to start now.
"I read her letter. One of the letters she sent anyway" I spoke softly like whispering will make Charity not see how much it affected me.
"I am sorry, Aaliyah but what did it say?" Charity asked in a bellowed voice
I stared blankly at the ceiling and minutes went by before I spoke up again.
"Five years ago, she tried to come to me and Mason… even made it all the way to the Brooklyn Bridge but…" my voice trailed off like mentioning my father will bring back bad memories.
Was Sarah the lucky daughter?
Knowing that she was dead and in an urn, maybe she wasn't so lucky after all. But I saw the irony in the whole situation with our father. I stayed and waited for him to come back but he never did. Sarah ran away and yet he went after her and bought her back home…lucky, maybe? But then I remembered Sarah was dead and again, she wasn't. Maybe I was the lucky one after all.
"Sarah made it to the Brooklyn Bridge but her father found her and took her back home. Charity, in her letter…she asked whether I would have taken her in if she had made it across the bridge to meet me" my lips trembled as I talked.
"You can't think about it like that. There is no good in asking questions …she is gone" Charity's voice wasn't as low as mine.
"I don't think I would have taken her in" I said sadly and truthfully too.
"You don't know that Aaliyah!" Charity's voice was strong and firm.
"I think I do…I would have been too occupied with my own selfish feelings of who he father was and I would have sent her back home" I said almost certainly.
"No, you wouldn't have!" Charity was adamant
"Why! Why charity…because you think I have this good in me, when clearly the opposite seems to be the case" I was yelling. I startled Noah and he started crying.
"Sorry, Noah" I muttered to the child as Charity tried to get him to calm down
After the baby calm down, Charity spoke up again.
"Do you remember when Taylor messed up that court case last year and I wanted to fire her on the spot but you got me to calm down and give her back her job?"
"Yes but that was a professional decision and I didn't want to take the chance that she might sue for wrongful termination" I countered with my logic.
"Wrong Aaliyah… that was you being kind and empathic to her situation, you are good and kind…you are filled with so much goodness and kindness even though you prefer to hide it and show the mean girl side of you" Charity was so close to me.
"I can't keep him. I can't keep Noah. I am not wired for this and I know you must think that I am a monster or something" I told my friend
"I understand Aaliyah and of course, you are not a monster. You have taken care of him even when it is not convenient and when he is fuzzy, messy and needy. No one would blame you if you surrender him to the authorities to be placed for adoption" Charity was kind and honest.
"I think Sarah would want me to find Noah's father and make him take Noah" I said with clarity.
"Do you even know who he is?" Charity asked.
"Sarah only referred to him as Alex B. and her neighbor said he might be a married older man. I have to find him; it's what Sarah would have wanted"
"Okay Ally, what do you need me to do?" Charity wanted to help.
"Help me go through her things; I think there is a clue in her apartment because if I loved someone enough to have his child, I will keep a remainder…something that belonged to him to remember him by. I think Sarah kept one and since it was forbidden love, I think she kept it in a place she could easily reach it and hide it at the same time."
Charity smiled like I just solved a very annoying puzzle and maybe I did. I dozed off and slept for a long time even though Charity assured me it was just two hours. It was the longest I have slept for days.
Charity drove as I sat with Noah in the back seat and talked to him like an adult. I choose an expensive granite urn for Sarah, it was fancy and I like to think she would have liked it.
We saw another family in the funeral home paying tribute to an aged man lying in an opened casket. About thirty or so people were present and had a happy-sad look on their faces. I wondered what it would be like to have that much family.
I placed the urn in a bag and placed it in the car. We drove back to Sarah's apartment. It felt wrong going through her stuffs like an invasion of her privacy.
My mother was right, the content of someone's bag is a clear mirror of who they are or were in Sarah's case. The way everything was placed –her little face mirror with a lid, the red shade lipstick correctly rolled and covered, the baby lotion in a mini bottle and the list just go on.
Sarah was organized and meticulous maybe due to the fact that she had to hold down fort and take care of her drunken mother.
When I searched her room, I almost missed it but I found the secret place, just a tiny hole in the wall, was a picture of Sarah and a man. His face was turned and the only thing I could make out was a tattoo on his upper arm, a phoenix bird I think.
"Charity, I think I found something but I don't think it will help" I called out to my friend.
"What!" Charity hurried into the bedroom holding Noah.
"See this!" I handed over the picture to her.
"Hot spring resort, Arkansas….great love from Alex B." Charity read what was written on the back of the photography.
"What does that even mean?" I asked throwing my hand to the air.
"I don't know…but Aaliyah, I think I have seen this tattoo before but I can't remember where or on whom" Charity told me
"Well, you need to remember but until you do, I guess Noah and I are going to hot spring Arkansas"
I locked up Sarah's apartment and Charity droves us back to Manhattan. Two days later, we are on our way to the airport to catch a flight to Arkansas. I was grateful for Charity's help in getting the shopping done and for driving us to the airport too.
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We got down and made our way to the empty seat to wait since we were an hour early. I feed Noah his bottle and he fell asleep graciously. I sat there a minute or two before I dozed off unknowingly leaving Noah unattended. When I woke up, for some reason my head was placed on a hard surface, it took me a second to notice it was someone's shoulder. A man's shoulder, my first instinct was to check whether Noah was okay and he was, he was still asleep snoring softly in the noisy environment.
I looked up immediately to see whose shoulder I was resting on earlier on and then I heard his voice.
"You are really heavy" his husky voice almost made my heart skip a beat, whether it was fear or excitement, I couldn't tell.
"Excuse me?" My brain took a second to assimilate that he just called me heavy.
"I said my shoulder hurt from your head resting on it for close to one hour. Next time, bring your own pillow" his voice was low but firm like it was radiating authority even without trying.
"You really like me to say sorry, don't you?"
For the first time I raised my face to meet his and for the first time in my life, my heart skipped a beat.