|Morning of February 4th - 1249 - In the city of Acre - Attila|
Since we left the castle, my patience has been rapidly deteriorating.
WHO THE FUCK IS THAT ASSHOLE WHO DOESN'T TRY TO MAKE THE ROADS PASSABLE?! WHY DOES THE CARRIAGE KEEP BOUNCING CONTINUOUSLY AND STRONGLY?! I SWEAR, WHEN I RETURN, I'M GOING TO HAVE THEM PAVE ALL OF THEM.
These were the thoughts running through my head, and I imagine they were evident from my face, as even Rasha, to change the atmosphere, asked me:<
Her question surprised me. I thought a professional assassin should know these things herself.
Still, in any case, I decided to answer her, <
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This situation is making me furious:<
After my last sentence, there was finally a bit of silence.
But it didn't last long because Rasha asked me another question:<
This time she had a decidedly serious tone, so I calmed down and replied:<
<
<
I can imagine the laughter the coachman and my entire entourage are having, well, that's fine. A little good humour is needed now and then.
Morning of February 4th - 1249 - Port of Acre - Attila|
It didn't take long to reach the port of Acre.
Once I stepped out of the carriage, I looked around a bit and saw that the reconstruction works from the fire a few months ago were going well.
I gaze towards the sea; the weather seems splendid, the sea calm, and our three ships sturdy enough to face the journey.
Before long, someone who appears to be the governor of Acre approaches.
Dressed quite formally, he says to me:<
Despite hearing what he said, I don't recall appointing a governor in Acre of my own accord.
I nod and reply:<>
He responds, <
The "General Administrative Directive for Governors and Nobles of the Kingdom of Jerusalem"?
Well, it's something I had in mind to do, but I don't remember writing it. Am I the foolish one here, or is he just trolling me? He seems sincere, so perhaps it's me with Alzheimer's.
While I was reflecting on this, silence fell. To break it, Rasha asked the governor:<>
What the hell kind of question is that? The governor isn't a meteorologist, how would he know?
In any case, the governor, visibly struggling a bit, replies:<
Looking at Rasha, I can't tell if she was satisfied with the answer or not.
She says:<
I swear, one day I'll kill her in her sleep.
The governor replies:<
She responds, <
OH, YOU SEE WHAT? YOU DIMWIT.
After that idiotic question, I say<
Shortly after that, the others and I would see Acre from a distance, with the ocean's vastness behind us.
Morning of February 6th - 1249 - In the middle of the Mediterranean - Attila|
After nearly two days of sailing, I was getting a bit tired of only seeing the sky and the sea. I mean, they're beautiful when the weather is perfect, and it's a shame not being able to take a swim. Can't just say, "Stop the ship, I'm going for a swim," right?
Besides, everything was calm on the ship. No one was causing trouble or giving problems, so it was a great place to reflect.
How much time has passed in the real world? Well, if I'm here, it means I'm alive, but every time I think about the conditions I wake up in, I feel sick.
Lost in boredom, I continued to gaze at the horizon as usual until I noticed a group of ships in the distance. They must surely be important merchants; you can tell by the number of docked vessels.
No, it wouldn't be an impossible campaign if everything were that simple. Of course, what else could they be but those damn *********** pirate ************** **************! Lucky as always, huh?
I see all those ships approaching, and naturally, things get tense on my ship. My guards and Rasha prepare for the confrontation.
And they're tense, especially because everyone knows that all it takes is for the enemy ship's bow to strike ours, and we'll have a gaping hole, taking on water until we become a wreck like the Titanic.
While lost in my thoughts, filled with hatred for the randomness of this game, the pirates assault all our ships.
A battle ensues between my soldiers and the pirates on the two ships behind me. Unfortunately, the pirates outnumber us by more than double on each vessel, including ours.
On my ship, however, the pirates, realizing that Rasha and I are slicing through them like salami (despite their numerical advantage), try to temporarily retreat to their vessels.
Needless to say, they didn't succeed and ended up dead.
So here's the score: on my ship, only a few of our men died, while almost all of the enemies perished, except for a few lucky bastards. The fight is still ongoing on my other two ships, but the outcome is almost certain.
After the pirates have cleared out the other two ships, they launch a frontal attack on us.
Obviously, after seeing that some of them end up missing limbs—no arm, no leg, or even a head—they start surrounding us.
By surrounding, I mean they encircle us and do NOTHING because they don't have the balls to attack us anymore.
Their apparent captain takes a step forward, true to any stereotypical pirate, and says, "<
The situation was tense for everyone except me because I was about to unleash the longest string of threats ever formulated in history.
<
After that barrage of threats and insults, silence fell. Everyone was shocked, even Rasha, who had an expression similar to that of Aladdin's genie.
The fact remained that, despite many even retreating, they outnumbered us, and if they attacked all at once, there was no guarantee we'd survive.
Then, completely randomly, I looked up at the sky and saw that the beautiful weather we had earlier was gone. In its place, I saw pitch-black clouds, thunder, and lightning nearby.
Perfect, everything that could go wrong during this journey happened. I definitely shouldn't start cursing in front of everyone now.
<
Initially, the pirates didn't even turn around for a second; maybe they feared it was a trap. But then someone did turn and saw the storm.
<
At that point, even the captain turned to make sure, seeing it for himself, and started glaring at me, as if he wanted to kill me but couldn't because of the storm.
The captain exclaimed, <
At that point, the pirates slowly started to leave.
But I had no intention of letting them go. I wanted to kill as many as possible. Without saying a word, I signalled to Rasha and launched an attack with her. If I'm going to die because of the storm, I might as well give it my all.
Once the pirates realized that we were silently decimating them, they began to panic. Some rushed at us, while others hurried to escape. They seemed utterly disorganized.
This allowed us to easily kill a good number of them and effectively put them to rout.
As the few remaining pirates sailed away on their ship, I looked at the sky and said to all the surviving crew members, "Well, we are fucked."
Shortly after, the storm became so powerful that it shattered the ship into a thousand pieces.