GUILT. One can't undo what's done in the past; worrying about it can't change anything in the present or the future either. The brave thing to do is to face it.
***
Tristan had been quiet during the following days, but he was patiently waiting for Maha to say something. She didn't even talk about her day in the city that evening and the following days. It was clear to Tristan that Maha didn't intend to tell him anything about Farah.
That evening when they had finished dinner, and they were on the balcony having a drink, Tristan asked if she could talk about that day when she lost their baby. Maybe talking about it would also lessen the pain, he said. But Maha remained quiet, her back on the wall, holding her glass of wine, looking far into the dark horizon. Then she closed her eyes. She apologized. Maha can't talk about it yet; she said and moved back inside their living room. She went into the kitchen to wash her glass and perhaps get ready for bed. Why suddenly? Why is Tristan asking her to talk about that day? Could he be suspecting something? Had Zainab said something to him? Tristan said nothing more but okay, and now she's concerned. He had never forced her to say anything about it in the past.
She returned to him just to bid him goodnight. Tristan didn't say a word but stayed on the balcony to finish his glass of wine. After freshening up and changing, Maha climbed into bed and turned to one side with her back to Tristan's side. She's worried. She could sense something from Tristan, but she didn't want to entertain the thought. It worried her. She will try to talk to Farah tomorrow.
***
Maha woke up early that morning only to be surprised that Tristan was no longer in bed. She took a quick shower, changed into her usual combat uniform, and bolted. But she's gone around the camp and can't find Tristan. She tried not to ask anyone. They might sense that something's not right between them. However, she had checked everywhere and she can't find him. What about Zainab? Is she here? Taher? Did Zainab tell him she'd seen her in Farah's house? She'll check with Taher first. After looking around, she had confirmed that Tristan and Taher left the camp early in the morning. To where? To Farah's house? Could they have arrived there now if they did? Suddenly, she loses all strength. She slumped on the nearest bench. What will she do now? She was afraid Farah will one day give in to the pressure of being interrogated by several people. Zainab for one and then Tristan? Tristan will easily intimidate her. She's hyperventilating. Tristan's never been angry with her, but there will always be a first time and she didn't know how that would go if ever. But foremost, she felt fear for Amir and Jamil. Their lives had been quiet, and she didn't want to stir that now. He could have married Yasmin by now, maybe.
***
"Farah?" she asked. "Say nothing if someone is with you. My partner seems to know about you because of Zainab. I have a strong feeling 'cause he'd been asking me to talk about that day, just suddenly."
"Maha, it's okay. No one has come yet. But if that day will come, it isn't surprising. That woman, I'm very sure, will not stop," Farah said.
It relieved Maha for a while, but she knew it won't take long. She asked Farah not to falter or make a mistake in mentioning Amir at all, for his safety's sake.
***
It was still dark and everyone's still in bed. Except for the three kitchen staff who were having their early cup of coffee talking on that long table outside, before they'd start with their task, no one's awake yet from the people in the camp. Tristan wasn't able to sleep that night. Maha had long gone to bed, but he stayed on the balcony. Tristan had emptied the last drop from the bottle of the wine Maha just opened last night. His mind was forming some suspicious thoughts about Maha.
Shouldn't she share with him her pains about that day? He's the father of the baby, too. And if she thinks he's not hurting, she should know better. He had lost his two children in the past, but that doesn't mean he's immune to the pain of losing a child. No one will be ever immune to the pain of losing a beloved. Hah! There is no one to talk with except Taher. Maybe he'd pick him up tomorrow and eat breakfast somewhere out of the camp for a change and have a breath of fresh air. He stayed on the balcony, stretching himself on that long wooden sofa with the three square upholstered foam covers. He'll close his eyes, get some shut-eye and wait for the break of dawn on that chair.
It surprised Taher to see Tristan beside his bed, giving him a nudge that early morning in Taher's barracks. Taher quickly readied, and they drove out of the camp. They'll just have breakfast away from the camp, Tristan said. Aside from Maha, Taher was the only one who knew of Tristan's first name. Their friendship dates way back to when they were both working in the normal world. Both budding lawyers in their heydays until the gruesome murder of Tristan's family and his long, grueling fight for justice that was too hard to achieve in a corrupt, bureaucratic world. He left his job, and everything in his world, to find another way of life. It disgusted him to realize he had lived in this kind of world for long and lived serving for the good of humanity when he can't even have justice for himself and his family. Taher, being alone and single, soon joined his friend, and they both ended up in the organization.
Tristan had always been an active school leader when he was in school and those early days as a starting lawyer, he was one of the young earnest blood in the chambers. When he joined the organization, the bosses saw him as the best choice to lead the Libya faction; his leadership qualities outshone everyone, even the founding ones. It wasn't easy for Tristan at first, but no one can find fault in his dedication, and soon, his calm and friendly demeanor, even with his overawing presence, endeared him to his subordinates.
Maha does not know at all that Tristan and Taher's friendship was stronger than blood brothers. Taher knew of Tristan and Maha's Plan B on the Dubai mission. Tristan had briefed him, too. But Tristan let Maha handled it since she was the brains of the plan. Not that Taher doubted her at first, but Tristan had asked him to oversee Maha's safety without the latter knowing. Taher had tailed her when she was preparing for her Plan C on that mission. He worried when Maha wouldn't mention what she did with the woman, where she took her, and what was her plan exactly. When she started with her Plan C, Taher had been wondering what she was doing when she took that apartment and brought Jamil into it, cuffed and blindfolded. Could she be using him to get the ransom money from the family? Won't the captive woman, Yasmin, be enough to get the money from her family? Didn't Tristan say they were going to demand the ransom money from the fiance or the family of the woman? Now, why was the fiance being held captive by Maha? To demand a bigger sum from both families? But when Tristan told Taher that Maha didn't bring home the ransom money, Taher wondered. So, what was the purpose of holding the fiance, if not for the ransom money? Maha didn't even know that Taher stayed after she left Jamil that night. Taher saw him freed, no cuffs later on, and a car later came for him on that deserted road. Did she free the fiance even without the money, but why? If the ransom money was never her motivation for holding the man, what then? Does Maha know the man? Who is he to Maha?
It was on Taher's return to the camp that he went through Maha's dossier. He found out that Maha had worked as household help in Dubai and the villa's address she had stayed in was opposite the Al Abdallah home. Taher concluded that Maha and the woman's fiance, Jamil, must have known each other. Could there have been any romantic link in the past between them? Taher wondered. Still, despite his suspicions, he didn't tell Tristan anything.
And when Tristan and Maha announced their relationship, Taher relaxed. But not quite. Even before the two slept together on Tristan's birthday celebration, Taher saw Maha earlier on, exhibiting some symptoms of pregnancy. He had even assisted her once, giving her water and food in case it was just hunger. She had made some excuses during training that she wasn't feeling well. When the couple announced her pregnancy, he congratulated Tristan, but he has since then doubted if it was Tristan's child. Could it be Yasmin's fiance's child?
On that morning, Tristan and Taher found this home shack turned restaurant for mostly laborers and the ordinary people offering simple homemade dishes, but best of all; they serve the well-brewed coffee. They took the table at the farthest end of the restaurant to have some privacy.
Taher couldn't help but asked Tristan what's on his mind. That was the first time they went out of the camp on an early morning just to have breakfast outside. Something was bothering Tristan, Taher thought. Tristan took a long time to reply.
"Maha," he said as he was taking his first sip of the scalding coffee. "I don't know why she won't even talk to me about that day she delivered our child. What happened on that day; who had helped her, and the child... it's my right too as the father to know of the things that transpired that day. It's been a year, but she refuses to talk about it," Tristan said.
The chubby woman in an apron approached with their breakfast of homemade bread, rice sausages, dates, and black coffee.
"And, Zainab. I know it's not even right to entertain what Zainab said because she is jealous of Maha, but she saw the woman who delivered the baby. She followed Maha to the woman's house," he added. While both men dug into their food.
"Would you like me to follow up? Would you want me to know more about this?" Taher asked, looking straight at Tristan.
"Without her knowing, if possible. I wouldn't want her to know but it's been a year and I've been waiting for her to say something at all," Tristan said.
Taher asked Tristan if he would let him do the investigation by himself. He'll just report to him when he's done. Meantime, he said, Tristan shouldn't give Maha any reason to suspect that he is doing something behind her back.
Tristan looked at Taher long and hard.
"Is there something you are not telling me, Taher?" Tristan asked.
"No, nothing, but I will dig into this matter. However, you shouldn't question my methods along the way. And if I will not be around the camp, don't look for me, or Maha will start suspecting too," Taher said. Tristan agreed. They sealed this promise with a fist bump from across the table while their closed fists were holding their forks.
***
Maha saw the vehicle with both of the men when they returned to camp and although she was very curious and wanting to know where they came from, she held her peace. She wished one of them would say something later, but both had been quiet the entire day. Maha had several times used the ladies' restroom to rest her head and calm her nerves. She can't even go to Tristan's barracks to rest for a while; Tristan might ask. And Tristan had given up her previous room to another female member, so she'll stay with him. Now, she has become suspicious of both men. How close were they? Does Tristan confide in Taher? She knew nothing of their past. But they were all nationals of the country, including Zainab. What if one day, they will all connive and find something? She knows of Taher's ability too. He is one of the best among the men INTEL. She's afraid now because Taher could find out anything for Tristan if the latter would ask Taher.
***
Yasmin, Naira, and Anya had become even more inseparable towards the days leading to Yasmin's contract completion. The three had promised to work on Yasmin's wedding preparations. Although she had wanted it to be simple, there were also considerations to be made. Naseem had invited most of the people he knew in the business world, and some people in the government as well. The quiet wedding that Yasmin had dreamt about may not happen. And for that reason, she had asked for her friends' help to put this all together. They started with the guests' list, the venue, the events for the entire occasion, the menu, and all.
A month before the event will happen, several articles had made their way to the papers. Photos of the couple and their family members had graced the papers, except for Amir. And although the papers have shown none of Amir's new photos or written an article about him, readers can still find the previous article in the archives of the paper. It is for this reason that Yasmin, despite her enthusiasm for planning their upcoming wedding, had mounting fears of a scandal and Amir's safety. The press could sometimes be cruel. They will never care about the consequences of their published articles.
***
Taher stayed in his barracks after lunch. Because of the very early morning breakfast, he was so sleepy came noontime that he wanted to nap a little. He was feeling very sleepy. With his eyes closed, he remembered Tristan, the reason they left for an early breakfast that morning. And now, his suspicion during the time of the mission that had lain dormant in his subconscious rose. That time, when he and Maha had freed Yasmin from the chains, and she took her in the car she borrowed from those friends in Dubai, Maha urged him to return to the barge because of the note they left for Ibrahim and his men. It was that time when Maha wouldn't want to even mention where she was taking Yasmin. A seed of doubt sprouted. Why won't she tell him? Weren't they, the three of them, with Tristan, in this together, or does Maha think only she and Tristan knew of their plan? And she had wanted to cut communications with him when he asked him to get rid of his sim card so soon.
It was his suspicions that fired him up to tail Maha and he saw her that night, some distance away with her binoculars, following Jamil's movements when he put on the blindfold and the cuff behind him. He just didn't see what was happening inside that house, but between a man and a woman who knew each other back then, what could have possibly happened. Taher didn't want to doubt Maha if possible, but now, he couldn't help it as even Tristan couldn't help but suspect something of Maha. He likes Maha; he wanted to prove his suspicions about her were wrong, but his good friend, Tristan, deserves to know the truth even more.