Ever since I was a little boy, I've never let a girl touch me. Other than my mom, obviously. On the very few occasions a woman has been within an arm's reach, I've always run away before they can get close enough. Trust me, I've thought about it plenty of times. It's just that I'm so terrified that I'm going to do something wrong. And besides, I'm sure nobody has wanted to touch me in the first place.
But this girl, this complete stranger is touching her skin, her bare skin to mine. And she's doing it on purpose. Right now, in this moment, every single cell in my brain is focused on nothing else but her warm, soft finger on my lips. Is this what a kiss feels like? It totally counts, right? I mean my lips are touching her. Oh my… That's a pretty finger. Wait! Wasn't I just in the middle of embarrassing myself? Oh, yeah! Get your head out of the gutter, Ed! She's just trying to shut you up!
My heart pumps so hard, so fast, so incredibly loud that I think everyone within a mile radius can hear it over the thunder rolling outside. Shit! I need to run. How can I get away? I'm frozen. Her touch… I like it. I shouldn't do that! No, no, no, you idiot! You can't like it. This is just her way of telling you to be quiet! She looks at me with her big sad eyes and once she processes that garbage heap of information I just dumped on her poor ears, she finally speaks.
"Edward?", she asks.
Oh, here we go. Wait, what? Did she she just ask my name? I'm so confused. Why is she not calling me a weirdo and yelling at me to leave her alone? Too nervous to speak, I nod my head slowly, not breaking eye contact.
"Alexia.", she says, lowering her hand back down to her lap.
Alexia… She looks like her name. I wish I could say that. Maybe she doesn't feel like she looks like an Alexia though. Maybe she thinks she's more of a Stephanie or a Marie. Like the awkward little loser I know myself to be, I can't get myself to reply. All I can do is sit here staring at her until the sound of her growling stomach causes me to snap out of my trance.
"A-a-are y-you hungry? ", I ask her, lowering my voice as I try to act like I'm cool as a cucumber.
"Of course I'm hungry.", she replies as she looks down at her hands. "I don't even remember when I ate last."
Oh, man. Did she not have food at home? The man that was her father, but is not really her father, apparently, he's really skinny, just like her. They must have lived together, if he told her never to come back, right? Maybe they didn't have food at home. Are they poor? Maybe they just don't know how to cook. A million thoughts and second guesses pass through my head but only one thing is for certain. I want to help her. I muster up my voice and, for once in my life, I make a conscious decision to risk being rejected.
"Do y-y-you want to e-eat with m-m-me?"
She turns her head back to face me and with one single tear making it's way down her cheek, she gives me her one word answer.
"Okay."
O-okay? I'm not sure what I was expecting her to say. I didn't really think about it. Ok! Wow, okay then. Now what? Oh! Okay! I take out my phone and send a text message to Don. Right! You don't know who that is, do you? Don is my driver. I guess he's also probably the closest thing to a friend that I have, if I really think about it. He's in his early 50's, doesn't say much, and looks like he's seen some shit, if you know what I mean.
He'd look right at home in a room full of mobsters but I've never asked him about his past out of fear that it's one of those 'if I tell ya then I'd have to kill ya' kinds of situations. And I've thought about death a whole lot, but I'm pretty sure that the way he'd send me off would not be the quick and painless way that I'd choose to leave this world. I like Don though. He never tries to get me to talk or do things to better myself.
He became my driver when I was 16. My father thought I should learn to drive so he bought me a fancy car with all the bells and whistles. And he hired Don to give me driving lessons. Well, as soon as I got in the driver's seat, I was a panicky mess and I'm sure you can guess what happened next. Yep, I went to reverse out of the parking space and with my body turned to look out the back window, I never saw the building coming. I drove full speed ahead into the side of the warehouse.
Don's job title changed that very day. Yeah, he's one good dude. He does his job and leaves me be otherwise. I will say that I'm pretty sure he has a thing for Bella, my housekeeper, though. Don does more than just drive for me. You could kind of consider him a personal assistant sometimes. Well, I've seen him making googly eyes at her once or twice. The sad thing is she doesn't even seem to notice him. Poor guy. They'd probably get along pretty well. She doesn't say a whole lot either.
They'd be a perfect match. My phone's text alert pings and I pick it up to see that Don's waiting in front of the building for me. So, how do we do this? Okay, Edward. Act like you have some sense and tell her your ride is waiting out front.
"M-my car is outs-s-side.", I say as I stand up.
Well that wasn't as bad of a reply as it could have been. I did pretty good there. Good job, Eddy. I turn to look down at her and she holds her hand in front of me. Hmm? Oh… Oh, no! Negatory, Houston! There's no way! She wants me to help her up, doesn't she? I can't do that! Is it too late to run now? How on Earth do I tell her that I can't touch people, let alone a girl? This is bad… This is really, really bad! I can feel myself starting to sweat already and I'm glad my jacket is covering her perfect knees instead of weighing down my swampy shoulders.
Fuck! I feel myself trembling as my breaths grow heavy. Welcome to anxiety. My heart is beating so fast that it makes it difficult to breathe and I'm dizzy trying to keep my composure when all of a sudden, she leans up, grabs my hand, and uses me to pull herself to stand in front of me. I'm completely frozen in place as we stand with our faces only inches apart. What in the actual fuck just happened? I gulp as the world stops spinning and my body stops shaking.
"Does it hurt?", she says, holding my hand up next to her face.
What, you touching me? I shake my head, no. Of course it doesn't hurt. I'm just scared. Well, I mean I was scared. Now, maybe I'm not... Right? Nope, I'm still scared! Before I have a chance to fully recognize how scary it truly is, though, she holds up her other hand with her fingers spread apart.
"It doesn't hurt, see?", she says as she places my hand palm to palm with her's, in front of our faces.
"I won't bite."
After finishing her statement, she turns and starts heading for the door, picking my jacket up off the floor and wrapping it around her shoulders. I stand there holding my hand right where she left it, turning it around as I inspect it closely. She's right. It doesn't hurt. Oh, shit! I forgot to breathe! I gasp for air as I snap out back into reality and then rush to catch up to her. She's tall. I mean she's not that tall but I'm like 6' 2" and she can stare me dead in the face. I'd say she's got to be like 5' 7" or so.
Even the back of her head is pretty… The door slides open and we both come to a stop as we look out at the dark, rainy day around us. It feels so gloomy outside, the perfect kind of day for mourning. Thunder crackles in the distance and another tear drips down her cheek. I'm not sure what has come over me but I feel connected to her, somehow. I want to make her feel better, to help her. I want her not to hurt like I do. Well, today certainly has taken an interesting turn, hasn't it?