My life is so fucked up. I woke up in the house and Tori was gone. This made sense to me and now I'm further from Tori than I ever could be. I call her fat but I don't wish death on her.
One time Tori and I got into a fight and back then she was terrible. We went to elementary and Tori is… retarded. My sister doesn't have good sense.
When we were kids she used to eat plastic.
Out the trashcan!
Back at Mr. Ingram's shop, I went to the backroom and Tori always stole. I didn't watch her this time. Huh? What was that?
I said I went to the back right? I know I did…
Mr. Ingram is dead. I mean, he definitely used to fuck our mother--grandma. I mean, I remember the times Mr. Ingram parked down the street and not on the apartment lot. Tori wanted to go out the room saying Mr, Ingram was stabbing her, but I knew what she was doing and she was nasty for it.
Davea used to tell us about her old stripping days. She made a lot of money stripping and got in trouble for snatching a baby out the hospital. I asked her, "What happened to the baby?"
"In Mexico." she blew cigarette smoke at me. Supposedly my mother came to see me but I don't remember. I know our babysitter was white and she got high on the couch. She was so bad at her job, she invited one of her boyfriends over and they went to a bar.
When Davea came home, she came two hours later and said she went and got the locksmith because I… locked her outside!
She was snorting!
And I rubbed some on my lips.
But like I never thought to do it! Drugs are bad. Tori once said she wanted to sell drugs. She wondered how a crack sandwich tasted and looked at google once about what ham was good for and swore up and down, ham could keep you off drugs like some miracle chemical reaction.
Why do I remember that?
The barn is shaped like a U but it's small. Some vamps sleep on the floor with a blanket. Others use the damnest objects to sleep on. There is literally a vampire in the next room beside the one I'm in that uses a bathtub.
Ferness went and got a mattress so I could rest on it. My leg is gone. It's there tied with string but it's gone. I just lament. How could this happen? I'm not the antichrist. I'll keep saying it.
It's just me. My dumb ass forgot about the knife and everything. I hug my knees… I'm so fucking retarded.
"What's wrong with you?" I look up to see Lucant. "Nothin'"
"I know you a good kid because you can't lie. Can you?"
"I could. I just don't know why I should."
"To protect yo self. That's what little niggas do."
"Well, I ain't got a reason to lie now…"
"Good. You stay good." he sits on the mattress which is a long way down for a six five foot man. "I had a talk with the nigga. You are the antichrist. You even look like Shiloh."
"I don't know who that is…" I don't and to the bitch I never met, I hope she shits her heart out. What am I going through?
"Do you know her?" I ask. "Yep. Well," he looks up for a second. "I don't. If you asked me where she stayed; hell no. But she gave me pussy."
I roll my eyes. I hate niggas.
Lucant jabs me in the arm lightly, "I shouldn't be saying that to a little kid. I'm sorry. I don't know your mother like that."
"Is she evil?" I'm still asking like he do. "That I can answer." he leans back. "Shiloh was… in school and I think she was going through something. And this is before the Ghetto."
"Before?"
"It used to be a pretty good neighborhood. A lot of us went to church. Aleigha went to church and owned a big studio. It was wonderful. It seems just when I got my deal, I get fucking shot." he huffs. "A gang?"
"Saint John…" he groans. "Stupid ass african nigga was homeless and shooting up blocks. Get drunk, jack off behind buildings. Nigga was ill."
"But my mom?" Or whatever the bitch is. Lucant sighs, "Oh right…" he just stares at me. "Shiloh met somebody, it was normal cause teenagers get together and shit. Experience life and all that. Again, I don't know your mother like that."
"Oh…" well fuck it!
"I did…" answers a girl in the room with half her face. I shutter. "I knew Shiloh. Shiloh was taking medication, she was straight A student then one day. She's sucking dick for money. Her mother kicked her out but she had a boyfriend. Went to the nigga," she stops and claps her hands. "That's Johnny's son he never talk to."
"Baby we ain't all terrible niggas. Believe it or not we became like this."
"Huh?"
"Shit real but I don't feel like giving up. You know hat that means baby?" the woman is tender in her voice. I bet she got kids. "I'm tired of this repeat. I hate that nigga."
"Well, if Mable sat her ass down. He wouldn't be a fucking demon!" retorts the other. "My name is Jia. I still got half of this shit because a bullet ricochet."
"My name is Karolina Muhammad, sweetie."
I examine them all. Karolina has weave, you can tell by the pluck of her real hair. Jia has half a face and wearing a blue tanktop and military pants.
"What's before the Ghetto?" the ground shifts, my vision changes. "Oh my God!" yells Jia looking at the roof. Karolina blinks the distortion away. "Well, we once all live in Alliance," she describes. "I remember it was a small town, juts a ways from the beach.
"What the fuck do you remember? I stayed in Richmond!"
Karolina puts her finger in her mouth. "I…"
"Alliance is a road, Kerry."
"She need blood that's all. Alliance is a road." Jia clarifies. "Ok, remember Shikki got lost."
"I never forgot, you can see her hand prints everywhere."
"Listen Cedrica…" Lucant turns my head. "This is because of Aleigha. This is because of a crackhead. This is all a woman's fault at that. This is because--"
"Lord help me!" Jia begs the air. "There you go again. You gay and women take all yo boyfriend."
"This isn't about me!" But he made it sound like that. "Why bring up the fact it's woman?" questions Karolina. "why you so offened by somebody that is your gender. And me being gay is peaceful! But what we never discuss is that a crackhead kidnapped a little girl and beat her to the point of memory lost and death. Aleigha said if I found my baby dead one more time, he would hex everybody."
"Eerybody didn't fucking do it!" blurts Jia. "I'm not saying she deserve it; she was fucking, what, five? Six?"
"I don't wanna talk about this. I'mma go check on Corrie, make sure she healing…" Karolina got up and left the room.
I tap Lucant on the arm, he turns. "Who?"