They always compare me to them,
But, I'm not like them.
They want me to walk their paths,
But, I want to create my own path.
At the dinner table where the family eats their meals and talks about life. A harmonious ambiance lingered throughout the dining hall as I entered this hall, all was silent. Staring at me with those daggers eyes. I walked to my chair which was on the east side of the table. Without glancing over at them, I started to eat my meal. The atmosphere in the room was not the same as before I entered.
Since I was young, I was treated as an outcast even though I look like them, but I don't think like them. It was very tough for me. They didn't show it, but their eyes can't lie. I knew there was a problem with me, I just did not know why I had this problem.
After I finished my meal, I quickly gave thanks and bid goodbye to them. I did not know what I did to make them look at me like that. At first, I was very confused, I didn't know what I wanted, so I just followed what they wanted me to do.
For the past 20 years of me being conscious about what I am doing. I didn't feel like I'm fitting in. For years I wanted to, but there was something that was calling me not to. As I get older the voice in my head appears more, from just a whisper a day, now it was like in my dreams every night. And as I followed that voice my family became more resilient to me.
A mere puppet-like me has no ability to do things. After all, I'm just a normal average person. Unlike my sisters and brothers.
"Lorraine, I notice that your grades have been falling lately. Ask your sisters or brothers to tutor you. Don't let us down. " Father's stern voice was heard throughout the hall.
"Yes, father I will…" And just like that my father left.
I sigh deeply to let out some stress and continue to walk towards my room. As I was passing by the garden, I noticed some maids chatting during their work. I'm not the type that listens to others' conversations, but their voices are loud and clear like it was intended for others to listen.
"Did you know, the first young lady has cute and intelligent children! Ugh! She's the best!"
"No! Second young master was the best! He has both brains and beauty."
"Nah, My third young lady was better than them! She's a prodigy and she's very cute!"
"Ahh~First young master was very handsome and I heard that the old master was very fond of his leadership skills. He was the most likely to inherit the dukedom."
As they continued to chatter, one of the maids noticed me and looked away like she didn't see me. She whispered something to the other maid beside her and looked at me. One by one they left in a hurry leaving me alone in the garden.
Just before I walked away, I felt the wild breeze of the wind brushing through my face. Then I decided to stay for a while and make the most out of it. I sat on the foot of a nearby tree, hugging both of my feet.
Looking afar, I began to question life. Why am I born this way? Why can't I just be like them? Why can't I be good at anything? Why can't I step up for myself? Who am I?
Anguish was the only thing I felt. I don't hate my family nor others, I just want to be unique like them, have the same passion in life, and… I want something that my family can be proud of about me, not just their daughter or sister, but as someone great in what she does best.
But sadly, for some reason, I can't do those things.
A man wearing a black cloak arrived in front of me. His voice was gentle and kind, making one feel comfortable towards him.
"I come forth to you. Your time has come to an end. I'm -----I will allow you to grant one wish before you perish however your wish should not validate the law of the living and the death."
As I analyze his words...Ah...My time has come?
I'm about to die right?
One wish…
'Hmmm...does anyone have one wish when they die?'
Then he just repeated what he said last time, same tone and volume.
At first, I was very confused but then I realized something…
I looked up at the blue sky and tears slipped past my eyes. I didn't notice it at first but as one tear fell after another. It can't be helped.
It's not that I am happy to have one wish granted, but it was the death that was not caused by me. I don't want my family to know that I killed myself and stained my family's reputation nor am I the child who runs away from their family. This one was the perfect crime to commit without anyone being blamed.
"Now then, my wish is… What is that voice?"
With a little broken smile, I wiped my tears and let out a little laugh. Stupid questions are in it? I can have anything I wish but I still choose to ask such a dumb question right?
But that foolish question is the only thing I want to know. That voice was the only one who accompanied me and maybe understood me for who I am.
"Is that your wish?"
"Yes…"
"That's your conscience that dwells in your selfishness."
Se-selfishness?
I-I...am selfish?
"Selfishness… Why...?"
"You have been holding back for a long time, being a people pleaser."
"..."
"Your family didn't resent you, they just wanted to encourage you to follow that voice but as you follow that voice they become worried, Worried that you may lose your way or hurt yourself. They didn't want to force you to follow their path, instead, they just wanted to test you if you are ready for the path you have chosen."
I-I...Didn't notice that…
I thought that they…
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry
I should have taken more courage, I should have been more honest…
But it was too late…
It's already time…
I thought I would be happy that I would die but…
I still have unfinished business…
"Your desire has been fulfilled now it is time for you to go."
Thank you and I'm sorry goodbye…
"By the way… How will I die?"
He pointed upwards and to my surprise, a bullet had already passed through my head.
Minutes later someone saw Lorraine's body, the maid screamed her lungs out and ran away from the scene. The maid then told her mates about this incident. On the other side of the garden. A mini competition arises, it's the first young master and his mortal enemy.
The old master invited him for a cup of tea and mini business purposes, but then, he met the first young master who has been his enemy since childhood. The old master stops them and proposes a mini competition. A shooting game to be exact.
The butler has given them each a gun and they go to the open field archery range. Each of them shot one bullet on the target. The first young master's mortal enemy was very pissed about it so he raised his gun and fired once.
The first young master was not pleased by his actions and demanded he leaves. His mortal enemy gladly accepted it and when he was about to leave, a maid was rushing over to the old master.
She told him that Lorraine was shot and the old master was extremely angry. The first young master heard the conversation and punched his mortal enemy. The two exchange heavy blows, even the guards can't stop them. In the end, it was only when both of them were tired and at the brink of collapsing when the two finally broke up with the others.
The next day the family of the mortal enemy of the young master declared war against the family of Lorraine. This in turn causes a major problem in the community. Dividing the territory into 3 factors. One of these is named Lorraine.
May She Continue Her Pursuit
For She Who Was Lost
Lorraine xxxxxx
(8xx-8xx)
The question is…
Why is it here?