It's been three months since I found out I was pregnant and I've made good use of my mobile time to fix around the house and I've even started a patch of fruit and vegetables in the areas around the house planning to spend years here raising my soul from it's ashes and raising my child.
I go in to see my doctor Dr. De Anglo, we were friends before she came to the mountain and at the time she had slipped my mind until she gave me a photo of us at a park squishing each other's faces for the camera with the biggest smile on our face. She was much slimmer more worn by time but still as youthful as a child. We spent time catching up and I ultimately decided to finally tell someone about my child's origins. I told her a man with no name promised to be my husband but then brought a woman home and she remembers my feelings on being lied to, cheated, or taken for granted were the grounds for all sorts of permanent decisions.
I tell her I blame myself for jumping to conclusions and that doubting Him and myself lead me into my situation, it's my own fault. She tells me, "It takes two to tango, the communication that didn't happen between you and him is to blame," she finishes patting me on the shoulder. When we went to her house later that night with plans to eat ice cream, cry, and then face tomorrow with intent to slay.
I flipped on the tv she has in the living room and it's on the news. A country famous for burning is once again burning big and the smoke is causing rapid cooling and highly disrupting the amount of sun reaching some of the hottest Southern regions. Then the news story begins to change topic to breaking news, the tv text says update on missing person and on the screen none other than Kieran De Janko has been confirmed dead. I read those words and the tv turns off I don't know what happened or who nor where or how nor when. I sink to the floor and cradle myself, even though I was mad at him I never wanted harm to befall upon him I left him with my best wishes for him and Lonna.
I feel all the regret of not being a little more trusting and for not being able to keep a level head and for running away and staying away from Kieran because I truly loved him in my own awful way. Thinking of Kieran I cry silently and then I feel myself grow light headed and I pass out.
I awaken to the soft beeping of a monitor, I try to peer through my lashes because I don't have the strength or the will to open my eyes. I flutter my eyes a few times before I finally catch a blurry glimpse of my amazing best friend being my doctor. With having heard and I think seeing her I drift to sleep.
I wake up and feel better but I can't remember what ails me. I feel warmth approach me and when I turn to see who it is. As I take in his face my breathe hitches and my pauses before it starts racing, and I feel the need to just run into his arms. As I think of embracing him I move and hug him close.
"I thought you didn't want me," Kieran says to me. These words break my heart and make it throb as though a knife is being plunged into my heart.
"I do want you! I do! More than anything in the world I desire to be back in your arms but not if there is a third person in our relationship... Because if you have another then you won't want me and our family. I can't be the one to put myself nor my flesh and blood through that," I explain into Kieran's chest. I look up at him and stare into his eyes then I take his hand and lay it on my belly. "I didn't mean to keep it from you but I'm pregnant," I say with tears and a chocked laugh. "You're going to be a father," I whisper to Kieran.
He looks down at me and tears fall onto my face as he embraces me strongly but also gently. "You hid from me and hid our child from me? I promise you I don't have any more of a relationship with Lonna she is my ex. The night you left she was trying to make me leave you. I got angry and threatened that if she ever tried to get between me and you that I'd never let her off," he explains and I feel as though it makes sense the way I saw them I thought intimacy but if I had taken a good look I should've seen without my bias. I see the night I saw them all over again besides what I thought I saw I did offhandedly notice that Kieran's posture was one of aggression not one of being intimate.
"Kieran, this is all my fault! From one thought of you cheating, I chose to flee instead of staying and facing the possibility of you cheating. I never stopped loving you and our child needs you please come back to me, I need you, we need you," I plead. Kieran takes my hands and places a gentely loving kiss on my forehead.
"I forgive you for running but now you must return to me willingly," Kieran says and pulls me into an embrace tucking me into him. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain and I'm snatched from the scene before me.
'It was just a dream?' I ask myself as I awaken to see the room is the same as before but this time the warmth is gone except for the warmth I feel from my child. Then Doctor De Anglo looks at me with an unsure look. I feel tears escape my eyes and she pats my back and gives me a hug.
"It was just a dream," I tell her and she pats my back and lets me cry.
"Is he really dead though?" She asks me and I feel a sliver of unshakable hope blossom.