On the day of my birthday I wake up next to Kieran and I think of the months we spent together and how we went from barely holding hands in our fourth month to our first kiss in the seventh month and how we were exploring each other's lives in our eleventh and now we still wait for marriage to be completely intimate with each even though we snuggle closer than before and sleep in the same bed we respect each other's patients and commitment.
While I'm watching Kieran intently I trace his features coaxing a smile from his face and his sleepy eyes blink open under his soft long lashes. Even though we haven't said we are waiting I have assumed we would wait till we were married but the thoughts that flit in my mind make me blush.
"Happy Birthday, Atlize (sounds like Atlas) my love," Kieran says making me blush deeper as his voice awakens me from my reverie. He studies my face and brushes a strand of my hair back. I hold his hand to my face and cups my cheek and gives me a gentle kiss on my forehead. I look up at him and I pull him closer to me.
"Can we...?" I pause not wanting to plead and wanting to ruin his intent but really desiring his touch and his body. "will you take me... ?" I try to ask again while I tug on his pajama sleeve. I feel as though my blush is deeper than ever before and I bail on myself thinking we'll be married soon and maybe he truly wants our first time to be celebrated and special. "Let's go on a long ride in the mountains?" I ask with my arm wrapped around his neck and bury my face in his neck while restraining myself from my lewd thoughts.
"If you want me all you have to do is," Kieran responds in a whisper and guides my hand under his shirt and together we take it off. I've seen his chest before but nothing more. I caress his muscular torso and then give him a wicked smile. I guude his hands to help me undo my sleep garments and with that in our birthday suits we spend our first time together.
We learn fast from each other and spend half of the day in bed with each other. We wipe each other out in a blissful way and take a nap. Kieran wakes me up while the sun is reaching it's lowest point and Kieran leads me to shower where we explore the ways with water.
After we shower we get dressed as Kieran explains he has a surprise for me. Kieran takes me on a long drive before we reach a small cabin type restaurant. It's cozy and lovely brimming with calmness and splendor. The cook greets Kieran and then greets me and tells Kieran "You have the best taste in a wife," and then prepares us food and then gives Kieran the key to a room.
"This is what I had planned for you. I know the owner so I managed to snag us a room so we can go to the trails tomorrow. The guide has been picked and so have the horses," Kieran tells me and I can't be happier. With that we spend a second time together and then the mountain trail we take etches itself into my mind with the vast expanse of beauty before me and Kieran who lends perfectly to the scenery.
That night we go home after the sun has vanished and when we show up I feel weird and an ominous feeling takes a hold of me. I shake it off with my happiness and proceed to stay happy. We sleep together but we are exhausted from the trails and so I drift to sleep first. I hear Kieran whisper in my ear, "My life is complete with you by my side," and he places a kiss on my forehead and then my cheek.
I've drifted off to sleep but wake up when I no longer feel Kieran's warmth and find the bed next to me empty. I don't panic as I hear rustling in the kitchen and decide I'll get a glass of water and see if Kieran is there. I put on my kimono over my skimpy pajamas and reach downstairs. I enter the kitchen and stare out the window at the lights of the city. I don't see Kieran but the scene before me captivates me and out of the corner of my eye I see a woman and a man draped on the light pole at the corner.
I think to myself 'They need to get a room,' and I glance at them again as one of the figures looks oddly familiar to me and the pole is close to the house became it is the corner house and the pole stands at the corner and when an on coming car illuminates the figures my heart drops. I see Kieran and a woman I recall he said h eew r name was Lonna, she was a woman he had a history with but I completely trusted Kieran but the power of first love is something I know is supposedly something you never forget.
After seeing Kieran so intimate with someone else my jealousy and my stubbornness meld with my will to be strong and self reliant and with that I grab my things and slip out the back door. In that split moment having seen him and Lonna so cozy I decide in that split moment what ever I just saw clearly wasn't meant for me to see.
I don't cry and I try not to think as the further I get away the more I think I over reacted. I am sleepy so I decide to stay at a motel using the joint account of me and Kieran giving him a way to find me if I truly mistook what I saw and hoping that he would come out to find me.
Two days pass and Kieran is a no show, no call, no text, and I lose hope that I was mistaken. I wish him and Lonna a long and happy life away from me and drown in my pain instead of letting it out I hold it in.