Self Harm Warning ⚠️
Maybe it's because I used to look forward to Fridays when I was a small child, but I am genuinely excited when I wake at 6 a.m. Friday means the weekend after all.
I shouldn't be excited. The weekend means chores and being home. I guess I can hog the phone longer, though.
I get up following my normal routine. My body feels stiff due to the Night's activities. I can't believe how decisive Senna was. It was over so fast. If I'd known that was all it'd take I'd have arranged it myself.
I send Tanya an e-mail to let her know things went well. Then I message Laya, seeing how she feels. Nikki has sent me a message trying to find out about her sister. I don't respond. I forward it to Laya. She can deal with it.
Laya replies quickly. She'll handle Nikki's inquiries. She's hoping I'll bee a shoulder for Nikki, should she need one at the death of her sister. I hesitantly agree to it. Since Laya asked.
I can't get into the anime I was watching, so I simply continue chatting with Laya about random things. Some bout school or siblings. She has a dorky little brother who is funny. Her hispanic cousin has a deep and sexy voice. The kind of voice a gal just melts for.. Another of her hispanic cousins shares me and Laya's love of dill pickles. We could eat a whole jar in one sitting for sure.
I inquire bout how they all are. I remember the reaction he'd had when I bluntly told him that his voice is sexy. He'd paused. Everyone went silent. Then he said "... Thank you...? That's not the only thing sexy bout me."
Haah, memories. Anyhow, I noted the time and told Laya we'd talk some time later. It's time to go to the school bus.
I shut down the computer and grab my bag before heading to the bus stop to see if the bus will even pick me up today.
Waiting and watching cars pass by I think over the things that happened last night. I'm not satisfied with Nessa's death. I'd dreamed for two years of her end. This just feels hollow to me.
My thoughts are interrupted by the school bus stopping infront of me. I climb aboard. Its a substitute driver and she awkwardly apologizes for not picking me up. I mumble, "It's fine." before finding a rare seat to myself. Excellent. Comfy-ish ride today.
I nap lightly on the way to school. I'm the last to exit the bus today. I prefer it this way. That means no one is at my back. I hate people being behind me.
As usual, I head to the same spot to wait for the gates to be unlocked and school to start. I read a bit to pass time. The students are louder today 'cause it's Friday. Different parties are being planned. Good that I won't be invited. I wouldn't go anyways. I have a bad track record for parties...
The first party I attended was in middle school, just two years ago. Two girls, friends to eachother and to Laya, had birthdays one after another, so we were celebrating them both at once. It was their decision to do it this way.
For the shorter girl, nicknamed Tinkerbell, I got her a Tinkerbell necklace. I'd saved up $26 in change to buy it. I partly regretted it because of all the food I could have bought with it. But I was excited to be invited to the party and being allowed to bring Emily and Tanya.
For Maria I got nothing. We had an icy relationship made less frosty when Laya was nearby.
I felt embarrassed by my cheap yet expensive gift. All the other gifts I saw get unwrapped were highly expensive. Emily and I were a little jealous even. I don't know how Tanya felt, aside from out of place.
She'd broken her ankle and was staying with us for a week or so. I was so happy to be invited to any kind of party for the first time that I overlooked Tanya's feelings.
Tanya, Emily and I felt overwhelmed while at the party. After singing Happy Birthday with everyone else we went and sat at a picnic table away from everyone. Kinda de-stressing I guess. Unfortunately, plans don't go as they should.
Some spoiled bratty kids kept calling us names and running over to us. The three of us were getting angry. So, I did the mature thing and went to the adults to try to settle the problem. Which went like this....
"Um... Excuse me..." I said sheepishly.
"Yes?" said an adult.
"Um, the kids over there are kinda harrassing us and I have some anger issues, so if you could please get them to stop?" I said.
Immediately, it seemed, the adults all swarmed me. "Anger issues?" "What you gonna do, huh?" "What's your problem?" "They're just playing over there." "You can go if they're bothering you." :What issues you have?" One after another more and more comments came at me.
I stepped back, terrified. What did I do wrong?!?! Authority fogures are supposed to help me if I ask. Why is this happening? Are they going to hurt me? What do I do??
As I took another step back, they advanced. Gods, I was scared. I looked around my face red, on the verge of tears. I spotted Laya off to the side of the group. I misinterpreted her look of concern as a look of scorn in that moment.
"Forget it." I snapped, shaking. Anger flarring as a defense. I quickly walked backwards and turned on my heal, the adults still speaking, and rushed to Emily and Tanya.
"Lets go." I snapped at them walking briskly. They scampered after me. I remembered about Tanya's ankle and slowed down a bit.
When we were near the cars, I was still shaking. We sat at the benches there, a good 400 feet away. I apologize to Tanya and ask bout her painful broken ankle. "It hurts, but its fine." she'd said. I felt guilty.
"What the heck happened?" Emily said.
"I'm not sure... I was asking them to do something bout the kids and then they-" I began.
"They're coming!" Emily hissed. She was sitting opposite of Tanya and I so she could see them coming.
Tanya and I twisted simultaneously to look. Sure enough, four girls around our age were coming, Maria with them.
They were trying to harass us further. Which worked. Then they'd gone back to the group. Laya approached then, trying to figure out what happened. My raw nerves misinterpreted her approach and I snapped at her to back off. She saw the wolf in my eyes and took a step back. "Ok, ok. Calm down. I'll go."
We, again, moved tables. This time heading towards the bathrooms which were on the other side of the massive park. Poor Tanya.
We shoulda been far enough away to be left alone. But of course this isnt the case. Adults, this time, came to pester us briefly.
We were all scared. Emily and I crying.
I looked towards the back of the park and saw Laya walking towards the woods. I got up to follow her. To vent, or to try to digest what happened, I don't know.
What I didnt see was the mixed group of teens and young adults following behind me... Tanya and Emily saw. And they followed them as quickly as possible, worried for my safety.
I reached Laya, who'd sat at a bench in front of the woods. She was dazed, confused by all the happenings that'd occured.
I apologized for snapping on her without letting her speak. "Naw, I get it...." she started, then looked behind me. Which is when I noticed the danger. I sat next to Laya, not sure what to do.
They searmed us. Asking questions again. Prodding, poking and jabbing with words.
At this point I shut down. I'd gone past sobbing and angry. Now I was cool. Robotic. Precise. At the same time I was above us, watching what was going on.
"I just wanted help. I do not like being harrassed." I'd stated.
I can't even recall what this woman had said to me. My response was, "I want to die."
She said, "Really? Well, me too. We can both go lay down in the road together. Lets go. Come on."
I saw a vision flash before my eyes of this woman pushing me into the street and myself being ran over.. It was so crisp and real for a moment that I thought it'd occured. I laughed aloud. "Do you think I am stupid? Perhaps I am entirely vacuous, for I believed adults would handle I problem that is only suitable for myself to handle." I was staring at nothing.
Laya had been terrified of my sudden switch. The woman kept talking to me. Trying to convince me to go with her so we can end it all together.
How it ended? Don't remember. When my mother returned Tanya, Emily and I explained what occured. I wad forbidden to go to any parties after that. Not that I wanted to attend any at that point.
The gates opened and the school bell rang. Time to go to class. I shook my head to clear it of the horrible memory. That one is worse than what that man did to me...
Damn it. Now all these terrible thoughts are cycling through my mind. How do I shut it off? How?
Once in class I dig through my backpack. I retrieve my pencil sharpener, my sketch pad and a nicely sharp pencil. I begin to sketch as if I am possessed. Allowing all these poisonous and scary memories to go through my head.
I don't know what the teacher is saying. I ignore roll call. I'm just drawing and mentally breaking down. I roll up the sleeves of my big black jacket. I look at my pancil sharpener. I smile slowly, putting my pencil down.
I picked up my pencil sharpener and unscrew the razor from the rest of it. I take it to my wrist. Two stripes to my left wrist. I can breath easily again. Three stripes to my right wrist. I take a deep breath and relax.
I fixed the razor back to my pencil sharpener and put it away. pulling my sleeves back down to hide my cuts. I look around. No one noticed. Why would they? I'm basically a ghost anyways.
I look at my drawing. I decide to continue it. I pick up my pencil and fix a few flaws before going back to the details of the sketch.
It's my Night self with a magical staff. I'll add a wolf standing behind me and looking ahead... in the next class as the bell has rang.
I grab my stuff and check for blood, then go to my next class. I stop by the restroom for paper towels. After stuffing my sleeves I go to class. Taking my seat, I continue my picture. I wish it were Nighttime..
I check my sleeves. Damp, but not leaving a blood spot. Good enough.
The day dragged on forever. I read, drew, or napped in classes, except the ones that had tests to do, until it was finally time to go home. Not that its much better at home, but atleast I can find some place to be alone there. No one will bother me unless they need something, anyways.
Getting home, Mom is still in bed surprisingly. I leave my jacket on today, as I creep into her room and place my hand gently on her side. "Mom?" I say.
She jolts awake and opens her eyes. "Sorry," I say, "Are you ok? I just got back from school."
"Hmngh, its that late already?" she says. She isnt expecting a reply. She hesitates. "Wake me in about an hour." She concludes.
"Ok." I ease back out of her room, quietly shutting the door. I hop on the computer and send messages to Tanya, who isnt online. Her bitch mother is. Then I send messages to Laya. She's online. She has her own computer in her room.
We chat for a bit about our day, until I need to start dinner. Then we discuss our next moves to make for the East Side as I cooked.
I went out to the bus stop for Emily as usual. Then let her on the computer after ending my conversation with Laya. Dinner is pretty much done at this point, Just waiting on Dad to get home.
As I wait, I ask Emily about her day. As always, she had fun with her friends. I praise her test scores, since they graded them in class today. I promise to make her favorite meal tomorrow for her doing so well. She gets excited. Silly girl. I also say we'll walk to the local park together. She loves the idea of it.
Dad gets home and I make everyones plates and go wake Mom. She finally gets up. After dinner, Tanya calls and we have a nice chat, for the most part. Our plans for the Blood Party are quite exciting.
I can hardly wait for tonight!