'In hindsight, what matters is that all is not lost.' The words scratched at the back of my mind almost seeming to want to escape, to form into reality. The idea of hope, a hope I had been holding onto for what felt like a millennium. '...all is not lost,' made my bowels twist in anticipation. Hope was longing for a lover's return, waiting at the doorstep, staring at the open space and reminiscing of a time that once was. Hope would eventually turn into longing and were it a man, I would have slayed him. Yes, I didn't want to hope any more. I didn't like the way it weighed in my solar plexus, like an anchor and latching onto my heart, pulled it deeper into the pit of my stomach or how it tugged at my throat nigh lugging me into a frenzy of muffled screams and self induced nausea.
After longing comes agitation then anger then sadness, and finally, disillusionment. A cycle I had come to get acquainted with for some time now. I could see his hesitation, hear it in his voice as he mumbled, 'Are you okay?' With one hand on my sweaty forehead and the other, strung on my waist, I took a long breath and said, 'Peachy.' In moments like these, he dared not provoke me. I had worked too hard to fail the initiation. The one thing that would mark me as one of the chosen, what I needed to get a seat at the top table.
It had been four years since I joined the children of light and earth, a growing sect of the 21st century AD that consisted of men and women who followed the teachings of the ancient and worshipped a deity we call "AL". Many argued whether it was an Abrahamic religion; combining the practices, scriptural teachings, rituals and writings of many that would be paralleled to Jewish, Greek, Roman, and Arabic esotericism with the addition of "officially non-documented" writings that had been unearthed a few thousand years ago and remained in use till today. If today meant a constant moment in time and space. Yet, we learn that time and space are intricately bound in a pattern of forever motion, today isn't just today. It is the next day to be reached, it is yesterday in motion. It is a thousand years to be experienced. It always fascinated me, the idea of time. Mere humans, forgive my being brusque, put so much hope in the now. They tell themselves, "Live now. Tomorrow, things might not be the same." As I write this, it is 11:31 pm EAT. I could keep writing for two more minutes and it would be 11:33 pm EAT, and I would say it is now 11:33 pm, and 11:31 pm becomes then. However the two minutes between now and then could simply be termed as still being now. Now, just as today, is continuous progression of time in space yet space or the idea of it, is more of a psychological matrix we cage ourselves in using vocabulary that limits our understanding. More of that much later.
The ancient writings withheld secrets of the world, scientific discoveries that were yet to be known even by many scientists of the time. Written history, knowledge of the stars and the heavenlies and so much more. We learnt of the limitless capabilities that man held within himself. We seemed to walk on air. However, there are those who thought we were a satanic cult, that we had demons in our midst. I want to say this wasn't true but as any good story tells, there is a price to be paid for knowledge and at the most, everything else.
I stopped pacing, took to my heels and walked away from the ghastly sight I'd left behind of five demons with decapitated heads, severed limbs and polluted, black blood oozing from places I do not wish to recall. Soon enough, they'd regenerate like the cold blooded beings they are and come back to. It was best we left before that, I didn't have the strength left to slay them again. Demons. Every well respected religion has the demon. The embodiment, the quintessence of sin. The demon is almost always thought to be of a lower rank to that of its much more superior counterpart, the Devil. In a world where such beliefs are deemed basic and science and logic conceive themselves to be the answers to all things that have existed, that do exist, are thought of and yet to exist, I can imagine that there is but very little room for tolerance of such words. Devil. Demon. A hubris that will cost humanity very dearly.
Christianity's Beelzebub, Satan. Islam's Jinn and Dajjal. All taught in different ways, with different stories, all depicting evil feasting away, thriving even, at man's greatest weakness and enemy, himself.
Like Catholicism's seven cardinal sins, every human has seven major demons that follow them throughout their lives from the moment they commit their first sin. As they say, sin paves way for sin. Slaying of the sins would mean transcendence, rebirth. Welcoming into the higher realm. I'd many times stare into space and wonder what the transcendent place would look like. Many of the institution's teachers reiterated that it would come in a form of choosing, pure and peaceful. Resonating somewhat with the Islamic idea of Janna (heaven), where one would get anything they wanted. As a child, I'd always loved books hence my idea of transcendence was always walking down long halls stacked with shelves loaded with books that contained what I took to be wonders of other realms, the how and why of existence, things that my sect would never teach, not because they kept things from us although that could be debated but because we simply didn't have the teachings. Many of them were considered lost or hidden like the Book of Shadows of Egypt or King Solomon's lost treasures and journals. Learning from the great transcended masters, who people know to be ancestors, saints and angels. Eventually being graced by the Almighty AL's presence and worshipping at His feet. Listening to stories as a child listens to her father's tales. The transcendent place meant that we would shed our physical bodies that are corrupted by actions and walk in our true spiritual forms. Forms that were easily cleaned and made perfect. It was a place that could be reached through Out of Body Experiences or even lucid dreams, if we were to put death out of the equation for the time being. Many said that once you walked the path of transcendence, you would never be the same. The way you thought would be different. How you walked, talked and even fought would ultimately be better. Like a me 2.0. However through the years, my idea of perfect paradise changed once I met him.