I don't believe in destiny. I really don't believe that there is a person out there for me who is going to love me for me.
When most things stop making sense, when all you have in life is yourself is where love stories begin. Atleast that's how my love story began. My very first love. For the progress of this book and to respect his privacy, we'll call him Avi.
Let's start from the beginning. I met him in January for the very first time, and as much as a cliché this book is going to be; no it wasn't a love at first sight. In fact, when I first met him, I didn't even find him remotely attractive, but maybe that's because back then, there was only one thing on my mind, college. Let me tell you a little about me, I was 17 back then, and I had Raven hair that reached below my shoulders. My eyes are dark brown. I am not exactly beautiful, but if I put in the effort, I am pretty. Enough about me.
Back to how we met, I am not an introvert; in fact I am really good at making friends. I joined a study group and that's where I first met him. He was older than me and we had completely different lives. The first time he made me cry was not after I fell for him, it was actually a week after I joined. That's probably where it started.
We were studying something, and I was way over my head. There was too much I didn't know and everybody else seemed to be a pro at it. I had realized this the second day I had joined the group, and I was trying really very hard. I was barely sleeping; the maximum amount of hours that I had slept at night in that week was 3. The place was new to me, we had recently shifted to that city, and I was thousands of miles away from my friends and my sister. So I invested all my time into studying, as much as I can. Exactly a week and 2 days later, I messed up in one of our study sessions. Again. That's when he snapped. I still remember his words clear as a day, "You're not doing enough, start studying. This is very basic. Stop wasting your time and mine."
The last sentence was directed for the whole group, but it didn't mean that it affected me any less. You know the time when something really hurts you, and you feel it in your stomach, and your heart clenches? That's exactly how I felt. In that moment, the exhaustion from that week hit me like a truck, and when I was going back home that night, I cried my heart out. That was the first time he made me feel something.
As a person, crying is something I rarely did. My mom went as far as to say I was emotionless, little did I know that this guy was going to change me in ways that I couldn't even think of.
Let's talk a little about him, after all he is the prince of the story, right? He was taller than me, not by much but the height difference was noticeable. He wore glasses, but then again, so did I. The most important thing about him though, was that he looked really hot in a white shirt. He was one of the guys who commanded attention when they walked into the room. He was funny, and his anger lasted a couple minutes, at most.
That night, when I came back home, I laid in my bed. I had no clue what to do next. Apparently what I was doing wasn't enough. I had no one to guide me. So I did the only thing I could think of, and I texted him. Saying that I was sorry, and that I was trying my level best. I fell asleep shortly after that, it was around 10pm.
I woke up at around 2am, started studying. Avi was crazy good at physics. So that day I decided I'll work my butt off in Physics. I solved a lot of stuff, had bunch of doubts, cause most of the time, I had no clue what I was doing, so I sent it to him. We had a session at 6 in the morning, it was online. I was one of the first people to join and he asked me, "What time did you fall asleep?", and I told him I fell asleep at 10, he then goes on to ask me, "What time did you wake up?" Now that I think about it, if I had lied that day maybe things would have been different. Or maybe not, i did send him doubts at 3 in the morning. Regardless, I was honest, and he got upset. He said," You know, no matter whatever happens, sleep on time. Your body deserves at least 5 to 6 hours of sleep, and if you deprive yourself of that, you're going to hurt yourself."
And that was the first time I felt something for him. Caring? Maybe that's what I thought it was. When I look back to it now, I know it was completely platonic. But back then, it meant something to me. Although I didn't really change my schedule like he asked me too, but I was just happier knowing that he cared. That's the beginning of my love story. That's how and where everything started. It's not exactly romantic but it is the beginning.