Renard sat there senseless of the things that were occurring at the moment, he was so intertwined within the realm of his thoughts that nothing seemed to break his focus enough to tear those thoughts away from him. Memories flooded into his head, just like how his tears were freely flooding out of his eyes. The streams of memories of moments that became like dreams, dreams that were once true, but now no longer different than a wish for diamonds and gold. He laid there on his bed, with his face kept straight but his eyes tearing up. It seemed as if for this moment, his eyes had a mind of their own.
Memories of his family and the day they were gone began to abruptly occur in every sequence of his memories. There was no stopping to this and he wished it would stop, but unlike water, the pain that pierced him was almost endless. His heart ached in tears, thumping louder and more painfully as he felt as if his heart was slamming into his ribs and lungs. And his guts tightening themselves, causing pain. His lungs failed to fill themselves with air that wasn't bitterly filled with cutting air.
However despite all these occurrences, Renards face seemed as if there was nothing wrong but his eyes said it all. It was futile to lie, especially to himself. He tried his best to cover these feelings but it wouldn't work, the memories had already torn down every coat he had ever piled on top of it. He wanted this all to end, he closed his eyes and begged silently in his restless heart that this painful moment would end, or else he'd have to silence the voice in his heart and mind forever.
The silence in his room was only seldomly interrupted by the whooshing wind that came in through the open windows, and the bedsheets that flickered onto each other. The room slowly began to become darker and darker as the hours passed by until the sun had left and a bright white moon had possessed its place. The color of the moon was a vibrant white shade with a little tint of blue. Something about the moon was comforting yet, mysteriously bothering. Renard opened his eyes after hours of blindness, to welcome himself in his room which was filled with darkness. But the only light that penetrated the darkness was the light of the elegant moon which entered through the windows.
Renard stood up from his bed and sulked his way to the windows. With each ushering step a shade of shadow erupted from the floor. He leaned his body against the window and turned his eyes to see the twilight lights. The moon's bright light was illuminating the gloomy shadows behind him, however only further enlarging the darkness that stood behind him. Renard sighed as the moonlight swiftly sat on his face and his eyes glued to the lights that escaped the dark clouds covering the figure of the bright moon. No words were uttered, but in spite of this it felt as if a million words were being caught up in the air surrounding him.
For a while, as he gazed at the moonlight, he felt a delightful ecstasy picking his soul high up into the sky. He felt light headed, but in such a way where he felt as if he could fly away and hide along with the stars that hid behind the dark clouds of the night. The deep enigmaticness of the moment was magnetic. He felt so drawn to the magic of the moon, so caught up in the leaking light of the moon, so much so that he went on to believe that maybe, just maybe, he could allow this magical sensation that was lifting his soul, to lift his body as well. Renard placed his hand on the sill of the window, and just as wildly his heart was beating at every breath, his wild idea was soon becoming a reality. Before he did what had asked for, he wished for one thing, a thing that he had wanted more than anything. The wish to start over again...so that one day, he wouldn't have to come down to this.
He closed his eyes, and with his arms which were shaking like noodles, he managed to stand his body onto the sill of the window. His heart was beating like a drummer on steroids, his legs were quaking as if there was an earthquake between his legs. His back was shaking in fear, afraid of the outcome and his lungs failed to support him once he had realised what was to come. He had already made his mind, but was this the right choice?
At the influence of the midnight delights, he was already intoxicated by the ecstasy of the moon's alluring rays. Furthermore, in the end, is there anything at all he needs to live for? He already knew the answer. Renard's legs were brushed with the cold chilly air, making his back quiver more and more. The night sky which was blue, was now becoming a color of pitch black. The moon shone brighter than ever, and the clouds could not conceal its impenetrable beauty. Despite his eyes being closed, he felt he was seeing everything much more clearly than he ever could.
His intoxicated body was now slowly leaning forward. The bewildering light rays of the moon were now shining even more vigorously. But by the time Renard could have a moment of change in his heart, he was already falling...caught between two indifferent realities. The noise of the wind sounded like screaming whispers. The ushering of his flapping clothes begged him to live, his mind was blank and his lungs were empty. His heart was beating wilder by the second. His heart was racing, thumping at every utterance of the wind, his hair was flying like a dying kite. His fingers were lifeless like his soul.
And by now he knew the answer to his question...and the answer was…
...yes.