"Do you still want to keep looking at me?" Li Jun's breath was warm and his voice was gruff from sleep.
It was five days since Li Na's altercation with her mother and the burial ceremony was held in honor of her father with little interaction with her mother. She was back in Taipei, staying with Li Jun and Li Jun had made her bring some of her toiletries and clothes to his Condo.
This morning, Li Na woke up to him still sleeping in bed. Rather than hurrying to take a shower, Li Na watched Li Jun sleep like a little baby, touching his cheeks with a gentle breeze of her hand.
"N-no, I'm not looking at you," Li Na replied as she jerked away from him, guiltily.
Li Jun smiled at the guilt in her voice and his voice was soft and deep. "Hey."
He made an attempt to sit on top of the covers, against the headboard of his bed, bare-chested and crumpled, with his legs crossed casually at the ankles. His shorts sat comfortably under his belly button, showing a trail of well-formed abdominal muscle.
"Hey, yourself." Li Na cleared her throat, realizing that she was looking at his body with the concentration of a starved person.
"I take it you…slept well."
"I'm okay."
He raised a knowing eyebrow. "Hmm, I don't think so." He shook his head and patted his palm on the bed space next to him. "Come here."
Li Na's body flushed. "What?"
Li Jun simply continued patting the bed.
He looked extremely appealing and mischievous, but there was also a tenderness in his eyes that Li Na could do nothing but trust. She took another tentative step and watched Li Jun pull the covers back for her. She stopped again, wondering if it was a sensible move to get back into his bed early this morning.
"Li Jun, I have lecture this mo—"
"Li Na," Li Jun interrupted with a dip of his chin. "Lecture? It's four-thirty on a Sunday morning. Now, I don't know about you, but I could surely sleep for another few hours."
Li Na laughed at her mistake and his expression while she checked her phone which was on the stool beside the bed, confirming the date and time.
"All right," she murmured. Her whole body was exhausted. She kneeled on the bed and shuffled ungracefully under the covers. Li Jun tucked them around her.
She froze for a moment, loving the softness of the mattress and pillows before she turned her head back toward Li Jun. He was looking down at her, leaning over her on his forearm. The tenderness of his eyes had dissolved into something else that made Li Jun's mouth dry. He looked hungry.
"I thought you were sleeping, too?" she asked with a nod toward the bed.
His eyes seemed to snap back into focus and he frowned in response, clearly confused. "I will."
"So why are you not under the covers?"
Li Jun's cheeks flushed red and he shifted away from her, the muscles in his chest tightening minutely.
"Yeah," he muttered. He glanced down at himself. "Li Na, There's something I would like to say to you."
At first, Li Na tensed, and silently willed her body to keep calm and stay quiet. Her brow furrowed as she kept on looking at him.
He moved close to her and traced a single finger across her eyebrows, smoothing out the worry lines. "I don't like you frowning. It's nothing. I love you." He looked away shyly as he said it.
Li Na blinked twice and a smile slowly crept across her face. "I love you too.
He then lifted the covers and his body moved smoothly underneath them. He was close enough to her that she could feel the heat radiating from his body and she instinctively moved back.
"Are you cold?" His voice, although concerned, sounded hoarse
"A little." She pulled the covers tightly into the crook of her neck.
After a moment of silence and heavy stillness, Li Na felt Li Jun's hand slide hesitantly along her waist. His little finger lightly grazed the skin of her hip before he pulled her body firmly against his so they were spooning, just as they'd been when she'd first woken up.
Li Jun moved his arm so that it was wrapped around her and she was resting her head against his shoulder. "You know, I told you about Diayu being the sister of my ex-girlfriend?"
Li Na shifted uncomfortably. "Yes"
"She tried to kill herself when she heard the death of her sister. I- She was on the verge of death when I visited their house on the campus after she was told the news. I saw her bleeding, it was a terrible sight," Li Jun breathed.
He moved away from Li Na, resting his head on the board of the bed and his forearms on top of his knees. Li Na faced him and watched his legs bounce nervously. With every sentence, he grew more restless.
"It was around the time I was told the news of my parents' death. I was shocked and I went back to Taipei immediately. The month after their death coupled with my ex-girlfriend was my most difficult. I was not able to concentrate on my academic work. I was getting very little sleep due to nightmares and guilt. That was when I started doing cocaine. I was at a friend's party and it passed around. I became hooked on it." His gaze dropped, and he fidgeted with his hands, scratching at the back of his neck.
"When I came back to school, Daiyu came to me and told me that she'd been accepted to Yale for her bachelor's degree. She was studying to become a Biologist. Something her sister wanted to do but since she is not with us, she has promised to help her fulfill her dream. She needed help finding a place to live, so I told her about a vacancy in my building. She moved in that same month."
Avoiding eye contact with Li Na, Li Jun continued. "One night I bought some coke. I took some to curb my nightmares. I was a regular recreational drug user. I thought I could control it." He sighed deeply and the tone of his voice dropped. "I was wrong."