While Jia Li packed away the unwanted pasta into the refrigerator, Li Jun went to his bedroom to change his soiled shirt, depositing it in the laundering basket.
Then with nothing to do, Li Na joined Jia Li in the kitchen to clean up the broken glass and wine from the floor.
"There are some things I wish to tell you about my brother, since you're his supervisor maybe you can encourage him and counsel him just as you did with me." she began, speaking over her shoulder.
Li Na walked to the garbage bin and dump the residue glass shards in it. "Are you talking about the reason behind his panic attack?."
"Yes, He has not being himself since our parents death, I don't want you to misunderstand him when he shouted back there. I was surprised when he didn't attack you when you were treating him."
"After our parents' death, he started showing the symptoms a year later. He was angry and paranoid at some point that our grandfather had to take to him to the rehab center where they make him go through plant therapy," she stated.
Li Na straightened her spine as she wanted to ask her a question.
She saw Li Jun standing by the doorway as he shot Jia Li a withering stare. What are you talking about Jia Li!" Li Jun boomed.
Jia Li didn't back down. Or flinch. In fact, she grew taller. And almost menacing.
"What? I'm Just trying to tell her the reason for the panic attack. She's your supervisor, I think she of all people should know the reason behind it." She said as she started blinking back tears cunningly.
"Jia Li, just get the food ready" Li Jun said wearily, flicking his fingers at her forehead.
He leaned over to her and placed a kiss across her furrowed brow. "Why don't you stop shedding that crocodile tears," he whispered as he winked towards Li Na and walked out of the kitchen.
Li Na smiled at the interaction between the siblings, imagining that if she has a sibling their bond might be like the Lu's sibling relationship.
A few hours and another bottle of expensive wine later, Li Na stood up to leave. "Thanks for dinner. I should be getting home."
"We'll drive you," Jia Li volunteered, disappearing to find her coat.
Li Jun frowned and excused himself to go after her.
"It's all right. I can walk. It's not far," Li Na called to the siblings.
"No way. It's dark out, and I don't care how safe Taipei is. Besides, it's raining," Jia Li shouted before finding herself engaged in a heated discussion with Li Jun.
Li Na walked toward the door as the siblings reappeared shortly, and the three of them walked down the hall to the elevator. Just as the elevator was arriving, Jia Li's cell phone rang.
"It's Guiren." She hugged Julia tightly. "He's my boyfriend. I've been trying to get hold of him all day, and he's been in Library. No need to worry, Stop scowling! gege, I have your spare key! I'll return home very soon" she giggled as she ran back inside.
Jia Li strolled back to the apartment, leaving a scowling Li Jun and an awkward Li Na to take the elevator down to the garage.
"Let's go" His said softly.
Li Na nodded her head.
Li Jun led her to his parking space, and she immediately walked to the passenger's side of a black car.
He pressed a button and the Range Rover next to the Aston Martin chirped. "Um, let's take this one instead. This car is better in the rain. I don't like taking the Aston Martin out in weather like this if I don't have to."
Li Na tried to hide her smile at Li Jun's embarrassment of his wealth, especially when he opened her door and helped her in. As she settled herself in her seat, she wondered if he'd felt the connection that passed between them when he touched her arm. Of course, he had.
"I didn't know I shouted at you when the attack started, I'm sorry." Li Jun said ruefully.
"Hey! it's okay. How are you feeling now?"
Li Jun smiled at her. "I'm feeling cool"
"Jia Li is very glad you're here. She talked a lot about you since she came back to Taiwan. She started searching for you, that's was how she located you and was admitted into NTU "He continued.
Li Na shook her head. "I can see that. She's very happy when her boyfriend called."
"They were childhood friends, she separated from him when she went abroad for her studies, but they later reconcile after she came back for our parents' burial…" He exhaled slowly.
She exhaled slowly. "I can see that she loves him."
Li Jun frowned. "Yep, no matter what my Grandfather says about his social status. Guiren loves her, obviously. There was a lot of…fighting at my grandparents' house because of their relationship. She came to see me to get away from their nagging.
Li Na nodded as if she understood.
"I have a problem with anger, Li Na. I have a bad temper. I have trouble controlling it, and when I lose my temper I can be very destructive."
Her eyes widened at his declaration, and her mouth opened slightly, but she did not speak.
"Any time I see blood or I'm in a situation, I can't control I kinda lose my rationality or I have a nervous breakdown just as you witnessed today. " His declaration was so honest and so frightening, the words burned into her like fire.
"But, You were able to control the panic attack without using drug right?" she remarked, turning away from him to gaze out the window, trying to alleviate the burning sensation in her middle.
He laughed bitterly. "Remarkably yes, I don't get over it easily like today, It's one of the reason I don't like to attend public functions except if I don't have any other options. I get to attend it with me been cautious of getting into unlikely situations"
She lifted an eyebrow but did not turn around. "Somehow, I understand why people do not know you as the big boss of Lu firm."
"Yes,I'm trying my best to overcome it. But I see it as a cross I must bear and I'm trying to atone for my sins. That's why I have to take our relationship slow. I want you to see the real me and love me the way I am."
Now she turned to face him. He smiled at her with a look of resignation, and she offered him a sympathetic look in return.
"Sin? Well I don't know what happened before or the reason behind panic attack but sin isn't something that is attracted to a human being, Li Jun. It's the other way round."
"Not in my experience, Professor. Sin seems to find me even when I'm not looking for it. And I'm not very good at resisting temptation." He glanced at her, then returned his eyes to the road.
"You know everybody has something to atone for, Sins can be forgiven when admitted."
He looked into her eyes. They were kind and open, yet he saw traces of sadness and incalculable loss.
"I realize that now and I'm trying to understand it," he said solemly.
"You have satellite radio?" She gestured to the console as he switched on the radio and pressed one of the preset buttons.
"Yes. I usually listen to one of the jazz stations, but it depends on my mood."
Li Na reached out a tentative finger to the radio but withdrew her hand.
Li Jun smiled at her reticence, remembering the way she purred when he gave her permission to curl up in his favorite chair. He wanted to make her purr again.
"It's all right. You can choose something."
She ran through the pre-sets, smiling at his choices, which included the Central Taiwan Radio station and Voice Of Taipei, until she came to the last one, which was labeled The Band rocks.
"There's an entire station devoted to their songs?" She sounded incredulous.
"Yes." Li Jun squirmed a little as if she had uncovered an embarrassing secret.
"And you like the songs?"
"When I'm in a particular mood."
Li Na pressed the button for the jazz station.
Li Jun felt her change of mood as he observed her reaction. He did not understand it but decided not to probe it.
Li Na disliked The Band rocks. She changed the station whenever they came on the radio. If a song of theirs was playing somewhere, she left the room or the building. The sounds of their music and especially Rex rune's voice creeped her the hell out, although she never told anyone why.
She first heard them in a club back in New Taipei city. She was dancing with him, and he was grinding all over her. She hadn't minded at first; that's how he always was, but then that song came on, and as soon as the music began, Li Na felt mildly ill. It was the strange sequence in the opening bars, then it was the voice, then it was the lyrics, and the look on his face as he brought his forehead to hers and whispered the sleazy song to her, staring straight into her soul.
Whatever Li Na's religious beliefs and her half-hearted attempts to pray to God , at that moment she'd believed that she heard the voice of the Devil. It as if devil himself held her in his arms and whispered to her. And the very idea, coupled with his words, frightened her.
Li Na had wrenched herself from him and fled to the ladies' washroom, looking at the pale and shaking girl in the mirror, wondering what the hell had just happened. She did not know why he had spoken to her like that or why he had chosen that moment to confess. Nevertheless, she knew him well enough to know that the repeated lyric was a confession of his deepest and perhaps darkest evil intentions and not just mindless repetition.
Be that as it may, Li Na would not like to be viewed as a slut; she needed to be cherished. She would have foresworn sex perpetually in the event that she figured it would promise her the sort of adoration that was the stuff of Poetry and fantasy. That was the kind of affection she craved desperately but didn't actually believe that she deserved. She wanted to be someone's muse—to be loved and adored, body and soul.
"Hey, Li Na are you okay?" She was startled as she heard Li Jun's voice breaking through her thoughts.
"ye...yes I'm okay," she stuttered.
"We're at your apartment.."Li Jun said as he got down from the car and opened the door for her.
" Are sure you are alright, Li Na?" He looked at her with curiously.
"Ha! Yes, thank you. Send my greetings to Jia Li, I enjoyed the lunch. Bye," she smiled absently, walking quickly into her apartment.