"you wanna talk" i said looking at my dad curiously cause..this wasn't like him.i thought walking down a familiar road.
"yeah",he sighed out as we stopped walking and he let go of my now throbbing shoulder.
"listen...we need you back"he spoke with a light chuckle...casually..so casually.
as if i was gonna obviously say yes
i could feel hopelessness seep into my heart.
it was like a stabbing ache, chills laced themselves all over my body from the cold breeze that was blowing softly letting us know winter was on the way.
it was cold..kinda like how I feel right now..cold. that's the only way to describe this emotion.
"you didn't come here to see how I was adjusting did you", my voice was dry due to the conflicting emotions i was feeling right now.
"tch Listen kid..i did, but I've seen and you've had your fun. now it's time to come back okay" his voice held one of frustration due to my resistance
"no not OK" i growled looking in his cold grey eyes.
"i said i was done, i don't wanna do that i can't take it anymore..i don't wanna go back to being how cruel i was..i don't wanna go back to being like..like you" my voice was shaky and it held desperation hoping he'd understand.
"me..what's wrong with me..you do know your in a battle school, soon as you graduate your gonna get pulled to military again. don't play dumb you know that, and if i were you I'd watch my mouth" i could hear his voice slowly pick up with anger...
"listen i know your still mad at me about what happened last time but those risks had to be-"before he can get anything else out i gripped his collar pulling it down to my eye level, he was but 2 inches taller.
"yeah the thing that happened 'dad' happened a little over a yeah ago and..oddly enough there are other reasons as to why I'm mad at you right now"
i felt my grip loosen on my father as he pulled me to the closest wall and slammed me against it to let out some frustration "you don't know or have the right to talk to me like that, your just a kid"
"a kid...ha a kid"by now i could feel a sadistic laugh bubble up from my throat.
"i stopped being a kid after mom died. i stopped being a kid after you put a fucking gun in my hand and had my shoot a child" the more i kept saying the more i could feel tears prick the edge of my eyes as i put a finger on his chest.
"i stopped being a kid a long time ago 'father' i stopped being a kid the day you left me there to die"
my dad just stood there with his head down he seemed to be thinking..it was quiet and for some reason the wind felt a little colder as i slowly began to slip away from my dad, cause I wanted as much space between us as possible.
"dad i don't sleep" i said finally feeling..how do you say this..light. i feel like a huge weight is being lifted the more i speak.
"my dreams are the faces of kids I've shot due to you, the men i watched get murdered. why would i wanna go back to that. i learned a long time ago war doesn't determine whos right..it determines who's left",i said with a defeated chuckle...i wanted to say this to him for years and i thought that this weight was getting lighter but it just doesn't feel right. that weird suffocating stabbing ache came back to attack my heart as I thought more and more about it.
quickly wiping away the specks of water that had formed in my eyes. scared to show weakness
"come here" my father mumbled as he slowly lifted his head up with a deadly look in his eye i hesitated. at first i was gonna go to him but....
"..why" i said slowly backing up standing on defense
"i said come here God damnit"
"no..." i remember that look in his eyes "your gonna hit me" his eyes never left mine. everything felt still, like a pen drop could do the same amount of damage as a bomb.
"dad", i looked at him and gaining some damn balls once in my life as i slowly began to walk closer to him.
"do you feel guilty like at all?" i asked curiously, scanning his eyes for any hint of that emotion.
"no, i don't have time for it and neither do you. besides you act as if i put your finger on that trigger and pulled for you, hate to tell you this son but..your the one who did that not me. i told you, you could leave but you picked the gun back up and pulled that trigger. if anything I made you strong, you should be grateful. it'll help you out in the future".his once angry rough voice now dimmed down to a subtle talk as he began to walk away.
"I'll see you later I'm gonna go on a walk...alone.but remember..we all fucking burn in the end so put away that damn pity party. and those sappy emotions, you've done it once before so do it again...it's irritating..you've been here for too damn long "with this my dad began to slowly walk away once more out of my life.
he left me dumbfounded, no matter what i say i can never win...never-
"damn that was tense" a voice spoke out from behind me
ngh?
i slowly turned around in a fighting stance still sightly on edge.
"put those puppy fist away brat before you hurt yourself, I wish I could say i didn't hear anything but i did. i didn't mean to intrude but I think you should consider staying here kid", a familiar white headed cool ass eye patch man said.
ngh
"shit, yeah sorry about that...wait why are you here", for once i looked around instead of being caught up in my head.
no wonder why it felt familiar..it's where i dropped Becca off a couple days ago.
"sorry if we disturbed you, I'll be on my way" before i got the chance to continue and walk away Arthur quickly got in front of me blocking my way.
"how about you come inside for a bit, you look like your gonna explode. we have a gym if you need to let out some anger" he said in an amused tone causing confusion to not only cross my mind but my face as well.
"why are you helping me", i said meeting his eyes as my once defensive stance turned into a more relaxed one.
"sometimes people need a hand....and i need to talk to you brat" his face went serious towards the end. which i was confused until he pointed to my shoulder reminding me of the throbbing painful grip of my father combined with whatever is on my fucking shoulder.
"i think it's about time that we address that, it's starting to get worse..you almost lost it at the dinner table tonight. I'm surprised it didn't try and mess with you when you and your father were having such a lively discussion"he spoke with and eye brow raised as he turned around and began to walk to the gate entry.
"yeah sure whatever...did anyone else hear my 'lively discussion" i said with a small smirk and a roll of the eyes causing a chain reaction of him chuckling a little
...maybe he isn't so bad...
"no brat, just me",he chuckled out.