Sierra's P.O.V.
Driving around with Xavier always calmed me down. Ever since either of us could drive that is the majority of how we spent our time together. Just following the roads and going where they take us, rarely do we have a destination, we just try and enjoy the adventure and the peace that comes with it. As stereotypical as it sounds, but these winding country roads really do fill me with pure contentment.
We usually listen to the radio, sometimes we'd sit in silence and just enjoy each others company. This silence however was uncomfortable, ever since we told each other about our plans before school its been awkward between us.
I looked over at him and his jaw was set tightly. He was tense and stressed. Something was on his mind. Who wouldn't be tense after the night we had last week. Not being able to stand the silence I reached over to turn the radio on turning the dial until I found the station I was looking for. Music filled the truck as I turned my head out the window and listen to the soothing sound.
Unfortunately the sound was cut off abruptly, I looked over and found Xavier pulling his hand back to the steering wheel. Shooting him a confused look, he glanced at me. He looked pissed. My mind started racing trying to figure out when he roughly pulled off onto the side the road. He angrily took the keys out of the ignition opened the door and slammed it. I immediately started running after him, concern written all over my face.
"XAVIER" I called after him. He halted his brooding footsteps, paused, and turn to look at me. His face did little to hide the storm of emotions that was coursing through him. "What the hell just happened" He eyes seemed like he was about to explode with all the emotions that left stirring behind them. He took a deep breath to calm himself before he spoke, his eyes burning through mine.
"Im...I'm just frustrated that's all. I thought we were going to have more time this summer but here we are with you leaving in a week." He all but yelled at, accusing me.
"yes I have to leave for a meet that will determine who competes at worlds next summer! So yes I have to train my ass off to get there" I yelled back at him. He looked down at his feet and shifted around. Releasing a puff of air before speaking seemingly did little to calm his nerves.
"Stay" he commanded. Disbelief, shock, and confusion were all written on my face I'm sure. I stumbled taking a step back away from him. why would he say that.
"What? Why?" I gawked at him.
"I cant lose you, not this soon" He said finally meeting my eyes.
"You're not going to lose me. Why would you think that? We're going to skype so often, we'll see each other on breaks from school, visit on weekends. I cant get through college without you so you're still stuck with me" I sighed walking closer to him as his face twisted again. Somehow my words weren't of comfort but they seem to have done more harm than comfort like I had intended. I wasn't lying either, him and I were going to need each other through all these changes that were coming our way. We've never been more than a city away from each other and now were going to be 2,000 miles apart.
"Its different than what you think" His face was impossible to read when he spoke, he sounded so fragile and vulnerable. I was concerned for him, whatever he's holding him back seemed like it had been eating him up for a while now. He closed the distance between us and took my hands in his
"Sierra, I know how selfish it is for me to even consider asking you this. I know what gymnastics means to you. But I know what I mean to you as well." Glancing down at his hands and back up to his face. So many emotions were running through my head but I had never seen the look plastered on his face before.
"I've barely accepted the fact that we're going to schools so far away. I thought I was going to have more time to tell you that I..." Before he could get the words out I clamped my hand over his mouth. Knowing if those words fall out of his mouth our friendship is effectively over, I was not prepared for that. Looking into his eyes they were staring back at my, filled with longing and the words that I refused to let him say. Tears filled my eyes as I kept my hand on his mouth, my words came out softer than I expected them to be.
"Please don't" Sighing I continued on, my voice much stronger this time. "If you say what I think you're about to say then I beg of you not to. You have been my bestfriend since we were in diapers. I don't want that ruined by trying to take things farther." He grabbed my hand from his mouth, bringing it down slowly and holding it in his hand and holding it in his own again.
"Why do you think it would ruin our friendship? How are we not perfect for each other? We know each other better than anyone else. I know you haven't dated in the past because of your training, do you know why none of my other girlfriends lasted?" His eyes had yet to leave mine and the intensity was eating away, shaking my head no I had to break the eye contact before I exploded from the intensity. He cupped my face in his other hand. Never before has he ever done that, using the hand on my face he brought it up to look at his.
"Because they weren't you".
"Why? Why do you tell me this now? Out of the blue, a week before I have to leave." I pulled away from him and his faced drop at the loss of our touch. He had to be insane, or on drugs, or something for him to just spout that out.
"I know you've never dated in the past because of your training and you know I couldn't be more proud of you for all that you've accomplished so far and for all that is to come. I couldn't let you leave without telling you, it would have eaten me up inside" He took another step closer and I didn't stop him, why didn't I stop him? Finally gathering the courage I turned away from him, the look on his face was completely clouding my thoughts.
"You don't think that this isn't going to be eating me alive during training? You think that I'll be able to focus when I need to most, this is my career and you just decide to throw that in my face, NOW of all times" I was beyond upset.
"I told you it was selfish and I'm not telling you this now to throw you off, I was going to tell you at the end of summer." He put his hand on my shoulder and turned me back around to face him and held me closer than he did before. "But this is the end of our summer together and I cant go away without telling. You deserved to know how I've felt about you for the last few years."
My mind was running at 100 mile an hour. He had no right to throw me off like that. I don't understand on telling me now, its not like we could start something now and throw ourselves into long distance. There's never an issue with long distance relationships in college. He's smarter than that, he has to be. The only thing I wanted was to be away from him right now so that I could think for myself without his influence. I'm not going to try and hide the fact that being so close to him in an intimate setting was comforting me slightly. Knowing I needed to get out of here before his influence on my had me doing something I knew I would regret.
"Can you please take me home, I just need to think for a while". I felt his body tense and him let out a sigh. His hands left my body and I suddenly felt cold. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I laid my head on his chest...or well stomach. His frame towered over me as I stood at a solid five feet tall on a good day compared to him being a giant at over six feet tall. I felt him place a kiss on the top of my head as he's done since we were young, this time I knew it held a different meaning for both of us.