Dear diary, it had been almost 3 years since my last entry.
I didn't keep you in touch, you my only faithful and loyal confident for many reasons.
The first reason was my father's death. Apparently he died saving someone's life in a hunt to thin out the number of demon beasts. What was the fucking point of introducing those fucking elixirs if it's not used? I gave him more pills than I can count so why the fuck did he die with 'honor'? You don't fucking die with honor. Everyone's shit on themselves after death so where's the fucking honor in it?
As they kept counting his 'heroic' sacrifice, kept saying how 'greater' of a man he was and mostly after handing me the 'compensation', I fucking unleashed a fucking monologue on them.
I told the representative of the Snow-Wind family, probably Ye Sheng, after throwing the money on his face :
"Go fuck yourself, you, your fucking money and your fucking family. Don't also forget to tell your fucking Master that I now know that he is the worst piece kind of shit this city has ever knew. Tell him to put his fucking money deep in his shitty ass and that I won't forget the fact that he didn't even had the balls to show his shitty face. Since he didn't bother to came I'll also won't bother the fuck anymore with your fucking family. Tell all of this to the fucking's coward that you fucking call your shitty City Lord and stay the fuck away from me. ''
Most were outraged by my 'flowery' language that I used for the first time when speaking to someone. There were even a few that fainted at the ceremony.
I can be more fucking barbarian that all the fuck of you.
Surprisingly, they didn't retaliate. They left me alone and I passed nearly 2 years holed up in my mansion. My new 'mother' got all my father's properties, not that I cared.
During those two years, I didn't step a foot out of my mansion. I indulged myself in training respecting my father's will.
Honor your dead ones and don't badmouth them. That's my motto.
I hope he's proud of me since I pushed myself to the limits and I am now a 1 Star Gold Rank Fighter. I can even use 'Sword Intent', 'Spear Intent' and I'm trying now to comprehend 'Arrow Intent'. Too bad he isn't here to see it in person. Fuck, I regret so many things.
I also indulged myself into arts. I already knew how to play on a the guitar and the piano so I focused on drawing and painting and have now the famous 'Unfathomable' level in all those.
The second and most important reason for my 'disappearance' is that I finally hit puberty. I think I'm pretty normal again and I must admit that my thoughts about the feminine gender had been shameful, degrading and unrespectfull.
I think that I was the kind of nice guy in my first life. Never being too forceful with woman, always being polite, respectful and understanding.
So how could I had acted that way? Having those sick 'fantaisies'.
Oh My God, those sick scenarios. I need to forget about them.
I need to forget what I planned to do with Yu Yan's shrunk form.
I need to forget what I planned using Sikong Hongyue's wings for.
I mostly need to forget about the entire existence of Nie Yu. What if she has cute cheeks and is barefooted? It doesn't justify the fact that I had many sick scenarios involving many dirty things.
She's 4 years younger than me for fuck's sake. I was fantasizing on a 4 years old girl.
The only explanation that I can provide is that my mind was that of a grown man when my body was still under developed. Sexual frustration. My body didn't respond naturally to my mind's stimulation.
Probably, since there were no natural reaction to the stimulus, my mind kept taking things too far until it reached the point where it involved me, Sikong Hongyue's wings, Yu Yan's shrunk form, Nie Yu's barefoot, Shen Xiu's fox form, Ye Zi....
Wait. I have to stop. This isn't me. Not anymore anyways. I am now a changed man. A sane young teen with only a slight obsession for tits.
Yes, I am normal now. Perfectly sane.
No more schemes, no more manipulations, no plots, I will leave Nie Li having his glory, his girls and his possessions.
There are so many stars in the sky, even if I can't have the brightest ones there are still many others to pick from that are as shining as diamonds in the sky. I still plan to make my harem a reality, I'm now sane not stupid.
This leads to the final reason of my lack of writing. I needed to prove to myself that I changed. I needed to repent for my mistakes.
If it were the 21st century, it would only take a press conference or a T.V variety show to say that I have sinned and recognizes my mistakes, that I found god, that with the help of my family I will get through this. I would have then created a charity fund with a cool name like 'Live Strong' or some bullshit and I would have to wait for a book relating my struggles and it's movie's adaptation.
But since this is a barbarian world, it isn't that easy. I didn't even have to announce anything since I didn't do technically anything. I was doing it for myself. I hope I sound sincere.
I began by hiring an escort from the Fighter and Spiritualist Association's, not I needed one, and toured all Glory City saving, rescuing and helping widows orphans and poor's alike.
I wasn't doing it literally, I just donated my nearly entire fortune, 1 Billion DSC, to sponsor children admittance to institutes, covering health fees, donating money and mostly hiring manpower for the Stargate Company. We've now welcomed up to SG24. I needed manpower after introducing soap that is affordable even to poor people and I'll rebuild my fortune in no time.
I've made 3 interesting encounters during my journey.
The first one was with the Du family, Du Ze's family. I visited when they were selling or 'accepting the marriages proposals' as they claim it of Du Ze's 2 sisters. It was the most outrageous thing I've seen here and I don't remember being so furious after hearing about it. I start yelling and insulting all those fucking pieces of shit from their patriarch all the way to Du Ze. Those fucking barbarians were going to sell 2 poor girls to fund a fucking fee for the institute. Why doesn't these fucking barbarians understand that there's nothing fucking more important than family? In my rage I destroyed the patriarch's house.
After my escort 'calmed' me down, I took the patriarch's pendant and gave it to the older sister that was about to be sold and made her the new matriarch under my fucking authority and gave her enough money to rebuild their compound with plenty left.
I also promised that if I even suspected that they tried to repeat the sell or even that they hadn't stopped a similar situation from happening in their town, I would return to fucking kill them all. I think they believed me.
My second encounter was with Xiao Xue. I was surprised because she was a real beauty not losing to the others by much. She recognized me and asked for a 'Perfect' performance to lift her mood. I obliged and after inquiring about her unhappiness it all came down to 2 words, Lu Piao.
That little lazy piece of shit has time to peep on her bathing but no time for cultivating. If it continues that way they won't be able to get together. I kept consoling her, promising that everything's gonna be alright because I'll take him under my wing and that next time she would meet him he would be a changed man.
I then headed to his house, his father brought me to his room and I began beating the shit out of him for peeping and not cultivating. I continued insulting and kicking untill he fainted but not before promissing to do even worse if he doesn't correct his behavior, leaving him plenty of pills. This all happened under the watch of his father who accepted if I didn't took things too far in exchange for the right of selling soap in his town.
Am I an unreliable author? A deceptive person who preaches something and do the opposite the next second?
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect.
The third and final encounter was with the Nie family. They were so grateful for my generous donation, since I gave them the most out of guilt, that their patriarch offered me his family's heirloom : A page of The Temporal Demon Spirit Book. Of course he didn't knew it's value and he seemed even more happy after offering him all kinds of products that my company's manufacturing.
There was even a better news. I saw from far away Nie Yu and I didn't feel or pictured anything.
Guess this journey had been greatly beneficial.
....
Now onto the main dish, my long awaited reunion with Ye Ziyun.
We bumped into each other a little while ago and without even greeting she took me to a teahouse. God I hate tea, I am more like a coffee person, probably for being an other's life smoker. Our conversation at the teahouse started with her saying :
'' It had been a while. I see that you're okay. I'm really happy seeing you again. ''
'' Ziyun, I'm sorry for everyth... ''
'' Please, let's speak about something else. ''
'' Ok, how are you doing? ''
'' Great, I am going to be engaged to Shen Yue next year. ''
'' Congratulations, I will probably not attend due to, you know, but I am happy for you! ''
'' Happy? How could you be happy about this? First you abandoned me, then it was Ning'er's turn and now I will be forced to marry and have a loveless marriage. Why aren't you being outraged? Why aren't you reacting the same way you did with the Du family's? Why aren't you insulting my family's again? "
" Do you want me to? "
" I don't, I will perform my duties but why aren't you acting like what you're famous for in all Glory City? Am I not worthy? "
" I don't need to. ''
'' What do you mean? "
" Your true fated soul and love will save you. You'll meet him at the institute next month. ''
'' Really? What class have you picked? ''
'' Ziyun, it isn't me. ''
'' What? But why? Who? Why? ''
'' I think it is time to tell you for the last time 2 great stories. We'll start with Romeo And Juliet. Ning'er, you can stop hiding and join us. This concerns you aswell. ''
Ning'er was following us for a while and even entered the teahouse to eavesdrop. She took a seat at our table, threw a glance at Ziyun then adressed me :
'' So you knew? ''
'' Of course. Now let's start with the tale of Romeo And Juliet. ''
And then I recounted the story of 2 star crossed lovers never meant to be together . The feud between their family similar to our situation with Ziyun, Count Paris being Shen Yue.
It was Ziyun that broke the silence following the story.
'' That doesn't mean anything. It's just a story. It isn't related to us, it doesn't concern us. ''
'' That would be the role of my second story, it's named Tales of Demons and Gods. This story follows a young man coming from a poor background and his rising through the ranks of Glory City. He rescue on his path two beautiful girls know as The Twin Goddess. One is suffering because of the loss made by her family. After falling into ruins, they sold her to get a few benefits in return. She then cut off ties with her friend, concentrating on cultivation to change her fate. She plans to join the Genius Class in hope of passing the Heavenly Sacred Border's test so that her engagement can be canceled. If this don't work, she plans on accessing The Black Devil Forest. ''
This statement made Ning'er open her eyes and mouth in surprise.
'' The second one had been suffering from loneliness for her entire life and has a butterfly mark on a beautiful hill. She's a person longing for the outside world and adventuring. She's so selfless that she accepts her treatment and everything else if it's for the sake of her family or her city. ''
This made Ziyun redden and gasp. Ning'er then asked me :
" Tell us more. What's going to happen? When is it going to happen?"
'' I'm sorry, all I know that you'll meet your fated one at the institute next month, how when and how are beyond my knowledge. ''
Ziyun then said :
" Even if what you're saying is true, why do I want to be saved from an unknown man who I don't even know or have feelings for. ''
'' But you will. You both will. ''
'' But I want y.. , I mean someone like you, intelligent, fun, supportive and passionate. Never letting people suffer from injustice or submitting to anyone. ''
'' He is all of this, Ziyun, and much more. He's even handsome! And don't think I'm someone good. No I'm the worst piece of shit. I knew about that story and I only used to my advantage to gain your favors for unspeakable and shameful reasons and goals. I've only tried to trick the both of you for my personal gain and this is really disgusting and immoral. ''
'' You didn't trick me, your stories gave me hope and comfort when I was alone. Maybe there can still be a happy ending for all of us? Happy ever after? "
'' Those stories were remade to be appropriate and inspiring for kids but we're not kids anymore and I think it's time I give you their true endings so that you can accept all this and move forward.
Mulan's return was met by her father's death and her mother's remarriage. The ruler ordered her to become his concubine. She took her own life to avoid disgrace.
The Sleeping Beauty wasn't saved by her prince charming. He just raped her when she was still sleeping and only woke up from the pain of child birth.
The Little Mermaid didn't get the prince to choose her. After sacrificing her voice, feeling like walking on knives with every step that she took it still wasn't enough for the prince to love her. She killed herself afterwards becoming sea foam since her only way to keep her life was by marrying the prince.
Always remember this, even if you have a fated one that will come and save you, try only counting on yourselves. The Prince Charming is nothing but a myth so you should work hard and strive for yourselves. ''
Afterward, I stood up and immediately got onto my knees, my head bowing so low that it was on the cold floor, I then said in a pleading voice :
" I hope that you will forgive me for all my treachery and, what am I saying. You two have such big hearts and beautiful souls that you probably will. I just hope that you will let me right my wrongs and redeem myself with you two. Maybe we can became friends once again one day. I do hope so. Farewell and deeply sorry once again. ''
I then hurried out of the teahouse after paying. I hope they didn't see my tears.
I feel appeased, lighter, free from my burden and extremely sad and heartbroken.
I just want to lay on my bed and hear a depressing love song all night, fuck this barbaric world.
I then headed to my company's headquarters, got on its rooftop, took my guitar and started playing and singing.
My choice for tonight was one of my favorite's, 'Shattered - Trading Yesterday'.
When I am feeling low, I keep on hearing and singing the same song for hours non-stop.
It was after my seventh times, I think, there were voices and people singing along with me. Must be other brokenhearted people.
By the twentieth times, a crowd of hundreds has assembled before the headquarters singing alongside me.
We continued for another six more times before the guards began dispersing the crowd for 'safety measures' and stop the 'public disturbance' that we're causing.
Maybe there's hope for those barbarians if they can appreciate such a good song.
.....
So all that's left is start attending the institute next week and until then I plan to launch different new weapons with different kind of Inscription up to Black Gold Rank. The 3 remaining pills? I'll leave it to Nie Li.
I'm still stockpiling foods, herbs and demon spirits by the way.
All that's left now to do to burn thoses pages.
You have been my only real friend, my only confident, my only mean of freedom. I was only truly myself when I was writing here. I've been thrown into this barbaric world with no memories of myself, in a society where everything is familiar yet so foreign. You've been my hidden place. I tried hard to kept being as detached as I could only living through you but it is time to change.
I won't hide behind those lines of text anymore. I will now truly try to live all things the IRL way.
So thanks again dear diary, I hope that fire will cleanse my wrongs and give you rest. Goodbye.
Wang Wei, 8th of September, 717 S.G.C
And now it's really OVER!!!