We rode in the ambient silence the carriage offered, we hadn't left the town as yet but the air was already as tense as it could be.
Zach, perfectionist as always hadn't wasted anytime and started meditating.
Aurelia told me not to bother him as he was close to reaching a new realm in his understanding and control of his hou element.
This meant that disturbing him now was akin to harming his advancements and future prospects.
This left me and Tiffani who had been placed beside each other in an awkward position as the carriage wasn't very big.
Would talking to her make things worse?
I mean if Zach's words were to be trusted then she really doesn't have it out for me but instead is thankful.
Aurelia had told me to make up with her and had refuse to tell me what had happened after I had passed out the night before until did.
"Look," I started turning slightly to Tiffani. "What I said last night wasn't-"
"-If you're gonna say some shit like you didn't mean it then don't or I'll fucking cut you." Her silver eyes fiercely burned into mine.
Woah that wasn't what I expected her to say.
Aurelia giggled before "no you won't."
"Aurelia."
"Fine!" She added rolling her eyes, "I won't interfere."
"Anything else you wanna say?" I tried again to Tiffani but she didn't reply so instead of waiting I continued. "firstly you can say whatever you want and even treat me however you want because I really don't care if you're my friend but this mission is important to me and I'm sure you know what the stakes are if we fail both for humans and Dragonborn."
"Whatever!"
"I'm not done." I grabbed her hand "the one time I say something bad... I'm not saying that you don't have the right to hate me just... can't we put our differences aside for just for now?"
"Really?" She poked at me rudely. "Are you willing to be around scum like me?"
"No," i replied truthfully "People who use and abuse others I'll never work them."
I smiled a little. "I'll put my life on the line for my friends though, so how about it?" I extended my hand. This was my best and most sincere offer nothing could go wrong after this.
Except...
"Lily, I know you're strong but aren't you being inconsiderate here? strength isn't everything and this place....'this place' … the place you destroyed had meant something to us dragonborn scum."
What? I didn't...
"What did I destroy exactly?"
Tiffani growled a little, this was something I've yet to witness! It startled me some and while in my retreat she leaned in asserting her dominance before continuing. "Wow you must take me for a fool."
She poked me again in the chest this time hard. "Ow! Stop that!"
She ignored my request. "Our city! Take a look at it!" She pointed at the small window the carriage offered a the the rubble and destroyed buildings.
A scar from which it wouldn't recover anytime soon.
I indeed hadn't gotten the time to observe the destruction which a large part of the city had sustained.
It wasn't like I was avoiding it though.
"Aren't you misunderstanding something?" I asked slowly pushing her hand away "I stopped the blast that would've leveled the entire city and sure I hadn't managed to protect the whole city but most of it is still ok."
She scoffed "That's how you feel huh?" she shed a small tear "Yes. you saved a lot of people but you caused the entire thing and 452 fucking people died as the result!"
The look in her eyes, finally I understood it.
It was one I'd seen many times over the past 2 years.
Mostly in the mirror... It was one of loss and sadness...
I sighed. I cant escape this can I?
"You lost someone... ugh." I tried to meet her gaze but couldn't and instead found myself looking to Aurelia. "I..." I swallowed hard trying desperately to fight the guilt that was returning in full, clawing its way up my throat making forming words so much more difficult.
The same guilt I thought I'd manage to finally suppress.
"No... I didn't lose 'someone', I lost my future! he was supposed to be mine!! ugh!" she clenched her fists trying to suppress her anger and sadness. Anger which was currently directed at me. "Why, didn't you kill me instead?"
I shook my head slowly "I didn't mean to hurt anyone." Aurelia had shifted her gaze apparently this was news to her as well.
"Stop the carriage," I stated to Aurelia.
"What?"
"stop the carriage." I repeated.
"Why?"
"Ill go rescue my master alone, none of you deserve to be dragged along on my mission." I sighed "also its very dangerous, and don't pretend because I know just how dangerous it is especially entering that place."
Aurelia grabbed my hand as I got up to leave. "You would do this to me?"
This had happened before and I knew it all too well.
Jiya had done the same thing to me. She promised she wouldn't leave but in the end... yeah. The lies hurt far worse than the truth ever would so, "Don't you get it? I was only clinging to you because it made me feel normal." I slowly pulled my hand away before "I'm like a bomb without a fuse, a freak and I'm dangerous, to you more than anyone else, you know what I mean. So yes I'd do it."
Aurelia's expression after, cut my heart deeper than any wound I'd ever had. "So that's it huh?" she grabbed my hand again anger coming over her. "I wont let you and if you do I promise that every soldier under my command would hunt you."
I knew she didn't really mean it but I couldnt help but asking "If they die too wouldn't it be a shame?"
"IT would, but then id simply have to do the hunting myself."
I really wouldn't hurt them, I have nothing against them after all but, it was clear that she had no intension of letting me go.
Tiffani on the other hand had wiped the tears from her eyes and looked away.
"Damn it," Aurelia cursed silently before tuning to us again.
I had sat down again.
"Tiffani," Aurelia looked at her with softer eyes "If you weren't feeling up to it then why volunteer?"
Tiffani returned an angry glance at Aurelia before pausing and turning away before her façade crumbled reveling that she was just heartbroken.
"Vice-commander said it herself, she's a bomb waiting to go off and the fact that she doesn't even know how to control her abilities are just..."
I shot a look of confusion at Tiffani accompanied by a short laugh, "what are you talking about?" I turned to Aurelia "What does she mean?"
She shook her head slightly before "Ill tell you later, I don't need you worrying about it right now."
What?
I hate this! Why is it only me? Why am I the only one whose being left out? This is about me!!
"No!" I stated angrily "You're gonna tell me and you're gonna tell me right now, this is as much your mission as it is mine!"