No sensation of falling, no sudden stop, no life flashing before my eyes, nothing. Just complete and total darkness. Every now and then i would feel the urge to look around, but that was it because i did not seem to have anything to look around with.
For the longest time, the only things that seemed to exist were darkness, my mind, and the phantom limb memories of having a body. The lack of life flashing before my eyes when i died did not matter for very long, all i had at this point were my memories. And time, lots and lots of time.
My early 'moments' were spent dissecting my childhood, looking for where everything went wrong but finding nothing but vague arguments between parents. then i was helplessly dragged along the timeline of my life learning from my mistakes. Again and again and again.
After what felt like a brief eternity of mulling over the last few days of my existence, a voice suddenly says, "Well, that was fun."
Suddenly, i was no longer just a consciousness in darkness but myself again. However, i was still surrounded in darkness despite finding myself sitting across a small oaken table from a young man about my age. The table was set with trays of cut sandwiches and snack foods as well as cups of different coffees and teas in different styles of containers.
The young man himself was wearing what looked like and Asian styled fuzzy bathrobe and nothing else. He had an average build like mine and shaggy hair like mine, but his hair was the silvery platinum color people dream of. His eyes, though, were almost abnormally large and were hazel flecked with different colors but his flecks were randomly the different colors of the rainbow.
Eating a small triangle of what looked like a tuna salad sandwich, the young man gestures with his newly emptied hand toward the table between us. "I was a little late in your retrieval, that final scene caught me by surprised, so I'm sure you are thirsty at the very least," he says after a few moments of silently chewing in which i made no moves to eat the food.
Finding that my face actually worked again the way it was supposed to, i decide to test the waters by reaching for an earthenware cup of some steamy green tea while asking, "Who are you?"
The tea was surprisingly not as hot as it appeared, but it was very sharp and tasted like what i imagined REAL green tea would taste like instead of something out of a bottle. If i could sweeten it, it would have been pretty good.
"Well... I don't really have a name," they reply frankly, smiling brightly after my second sip that let them know i was actually acquiring the flavor. "You're name was Chuck Stan, but you're dead now, and i don't exist, so how about i be you and you be... new?"
"New?" I echo with a questioning inflection, turning to look about the expansive nothingness while wondering where we were. There was simply nothing there and it gave me chills.
"Yeah, new life in a new world, be a brand new you," watching me as i reached out to try the same kind of sandwich that they had eaten. "Just trust old Chuck Stan, I've been here watching your entire life because it reaches my feels. It was a good show lined with drama and trauma and i want to thank you for giving me something to pass my time with."
I did not even bother trying the sandwich when i heard that, just stared at this strange being with the food inches from my open mouth. Finally, i lowered my hand and just stared at the young man in confusion for a few moments before saying, "Dude, i have to know. What the fuck?"
Laughing hysterically as if this were the funniest thing they had ever encountered, the young man wipes an actual tear from their eye a few moments later before calming down. "I'm an omnipotent and immortal being with nothing to do," they say at last with an odd kind of satisfied smile as if this was something they had been waiting for.
"I was once what you would call a god, but then i got bored of it and started a new world, then another, and finally another," he goes on to explain. "Eventually, i just got tired of being a god and have spent what you'd consider millions of years doing nothing but watching other gods and other worlds.
"In your case, i left a bit of my consciousness with you in order to keep track of how things progressed when your parents started that feud. finally, the final episode of your life series came on and i tuned in just in time. Now, i want to do you a favor by doing something interesting.
"With your permission, I would like to send you to a completely different world from your own," he says at last, reaching the point of all this nonsense. "And watch you live a completely new life with the mind and personality you already possessed. What do you say?"
"What kind of world?" I ask quickly and shamelessly.
"I would prefer something fantasy and magical, but there are a few advanced worlds if you prefer science FICTION," he replies with a crooked smile, emphasizing the word for made up things in light of out actual conversation.
"Fantasy is fine," i reply with only a little thought, knowing that my education at the very least would put me ahead of the curb in a less technologically inclined fantasy world. "Do i get any special powers or am just getting tossed in?"
"The world i have in mind works a little differently than Earth because it has an active godly presence, but I'm sure the differences are to both of our benefits," he replies after selecting a small cake from the table. "It's a magical world that comes with its own benefits, but I'll throw in a good word or two for you with the local deities when you're reborn."
"Do i get to pick any of my presets or is it going to be some generic blah because I watch a lot of anime and can already see where this is going," i ask at length, suddenly feeling very tired.
"Just some generic blah, but I'm relying on you to make things interesting," he informs me with another bright smile. "All you have to do is go in there and... well, not be so weak willed. if you had fought it out from the start, you'd have lived."
At first, i could not argue with his words, i would have gotten messed up but i would still be alive in my original body and life right now. Instead, i thought i could escape because it was a public place only to end up running right into a corner. All i felt was shame and self-loathing at the thought of my life.
Then, a fire started burning as my previous life flashed before my eyes in full. Deep in my chest like a furnace, a willful flame like nothing i had experienced before kindled to life. "This time," i say darkly as i accept this divine being's offer, "I won't be scared."
***
The next thing i knew, i was once again in darkness. However, this time, the darkness had a warm and softness to it that was almost wet. For a long time, i could not help but wonder if my meeting with that god had actually happened, but now and then the darkness around me or even the dimensions around it would move and i would feel sensations.
Sensations meant that i had a body which could feel again, even if it was simply my equilibrium sensing the rise and fall of the world around me. I was alive. Before long, the realization that i once again existed brought on another startling revelation.
I was currently in a womb.
The first impression i had of being in some unknown womb was mortified curiosity, then i could not help but marvel at how comfortable it was in here. Time also seemed to pass differently here in the womb than it did in the nothingness. Time seemed to fly.
No sooner was i aware of sensations and making speculations when i could feel my body enlarging and changing in proportions. At first i thought it was pure chance, but as my body grew so, too, did my awareness. by the time i was several pounds in size, i could sense the general shape and size of the body that carried me.
She was a woman of average height at a few inches shorter than my previous body but with spacious hips and a similarly curvaceous build. i could feel the dimensions and distribution of her body whenever she walked and knew that whoever my father turned out to be had already turned out to be a lucky man.
I could only hope my father was not some short and chubby fat guy who bought their wife and passes on horrible genes. The god guy DID say things would be generic, so it was not impossible.
Eventually, though, i also became aware of things outside of my carrier as i grew larger. I could tell the general direction and distance of sounds because the womb had grown tauter with my preparations for birth. The most frequent source of vocal noises came in three forms.
The first was who i suspected to be my father, whose voice was attractively deep and always came from somewhere above me that let me know my own height would at least be average or above.
The second was a young boy's high pitched voice that was loudest and closest level with my area of mother's body. This was probably a much older brother.
The third voice was probably some servant or midwife who was always around my mother. The sounds they all made were vaguely familiar, but everything i heard seemed to be coming through water. Which, obviously, it was.
Otherwise, i felt like i would actually know what they are saying to each other.
Time continued to fly in which i grew to a healthy and somewhat heavy size of around nine pounds, then came a point where noises and motions kind of just stopped. For what felt like days it seemed my mother had got into bed and never got out with only brief vocal exchanges now and again. I could already tell, my time was coming.
After a little more than a week spent actually counting time, my body seemed to drift and sink into position and all the liquids around me started draining away. I felt air for the first time a couple hours later as i did my best to clench myself together and enter the birth canal.
It was just a little cold spot at the top of my head at first, but slowly the body around me began clenching and pushing me forward. Suddenly there was light against closed eyelids as i was born face-up and head first.
I could hear actual sounds from their sources for the first time, blaring and deafening in their intensity. I knew my mother's birth had been a noisy and tiresome affair, but if my time was right it was actually relatively short. However, just as my shoulders were coming clear, the the already deafening noises intensified once again and i could hear my mother screaming.
Somehow, my outward awareness and connection to my mother's body remained intact so i could simply feel what had happened. the umbilical cord had prematurely detached and left the placenta behind. I could also tell from general tones and inflection my mother was trying to explain this to the numerous people gathered while completely freaking out.
Light was blocked out from view briefly and i could feel the pressure of large hands on my body, physically blocking off the sounds so that i could hear a calm and almost professional voice reasoning with my mother. The complication was indeed a complication, but even i did not think it was overly severe.
What i did find strange was how quickly my mother calmed and how easily i was removed. I was covered in some of the gnarliest stuff imaginable and could not yet open my eyes, but i was pretty sure this was a low tech world. i could not hear any medical equipment of any kind, so i did not think they would have medically knocked her out.
A brief wipe of my face and a sturdy spank later, i had emptied my respiratory system of fluids and taken my first screaming breaths. Only now did i open my eyes, hoping to find and remember the face of the bastard who smacked my ass. Instead, i found myself bundled in stained toweling and being passed through the air out of view of my assailant.
I found myself held high off the ground in the immense arms of a small giant, blearily looking up at the face of my father. I could not see much more than the fairly tanned complexion of his face and the outline of darkly arched eyebrows, but i received the immediate impression of being scowled at by this man. I hoped i did not carry his eyebrows.
Dried off a bit in a much quieter atmosphere, i heard real words for the first time and was surprised to find that i understood them.
"Father," my father said to another figure out of side off to the side. "I know it is too soon to tell if my child has received any blessings, but could you please display his status for us? His name will be... W-... no... Chuck," he starts to say, then seems to stop and murmur to himself.
This was probably the crazy-eyed guy from back in the nothingness at work, giving me my old name. I could have totally lived without it, but i was honestly worried about whatever name i was about to be given that started with a 'W'. Rarely does any good come from otherworldly names that start with 'W'.
"His name will be Chuck Stan."
*