I take it back, this is not going to be my year.
As I stepped out of my last class and embarked on my way to work, I had come to realize a few things. First, I was not able to print any of the syllabus for my courses. Second, I was now going to work double shifts today, which meant arriving home as late as yesterday and not being able to get rest or get my assignments done. And third, the reason I was going to work a double shift was that I was going to train someone new at my job, who I had not been aware of until my boss called me and asked me to train him just for today.
So here I was, dragging my miserable body to work. I had never been so grateful for the convenience store to be only 20 minutes away from my university. As I arrived, I greeted the girl who worked morning shifts. She returned the greeting with a tired nod. She studied in the afternoons, so her life was almost as unbearable as mine. If not for the fact that morning customers were polite, not in a rush, and on top of that cute. While I was left with the smelly, drunk, perverted idiots. I sighed as I clocked in and grabbed a snack from one of the shelves. My boss was an angel for letting us eat and drink anything we wanted while on our shifts. My friend's shift was not over yet, So I strolled around the store, grabbing a few more snacks and drinks. I wasn't going to let the new guy starve either, I was still bitter about having to train him, but that didn't mean I was going to take it out on him.
I went to the break area, took a few bowls, and laid the snacks there. After that, I went back to the register and saw my friend doing her report. It didn't take long for her to leave, I waved her goodbye and stayed at the front cashing out clients. I heard the security guy come in and glanced at him while he went to the back of the store to get beer and soju to refill some coolers. It had been an hour already and the new guy was yet to appear. I began to wonder if he was going to come in or not. My train of thought was interrupted by the ringing of the store's phone. I turned around to grab the phone and answer the incoming call. I was so indulged in answering the vendor's questions about our next delivery that I didn't notice a small presence in front of the register. I turned around just as he called out to me.
"E-Excuse me? Noona?" Asked the boy in front of me. I stared in shock for what seemed like interminable minutes. The guy on the other line of the phone had begun to call my name, but I was too astonished to even bother replying.
'For the love of God. Don't tell me he was here too?... No, he must be a customer. Yeah, that's it! Just a custom-'
"I'm here for training." He stated very matter-of-factly, looking me in the eye. I felt my soul dismay at such an announcement. I stared blankly at him, then picked up the phone, which I had lowered and let rest on the counter. I hastily said my goodbyes to the vendor and hung up without waiting for a reply.
"You?" I asked cautiously.
"Yeah, I believe we haven't introduced ourselves properly. However, I believe that if we will be working together, we must make an effort to at least tolerate each other." He spoke in a manner that made me feel the height difference was suddenly reversed, and I was looking at him with absolute amazement. Was this person the same as the trembling boy who had to kneel before me at school earlier today? I became aware of the awkwardness of the situation. In a rushed manner, I went to open the side door that gave access to the inside of the register area designated for employees only. I thanked God there were no customers in line, and that the store was almost deserted apart from the gambling players in the machines. The boy came inside, and realization suddenly hit me as I became aware of the fact I didn't know his name. He stood in front of me for a few minutes, I now noticed that he was short, but for a few seconds back out there, he had given off an aura of authority. Now he remained confident, but the height difference was more evident.
"I-I believe you're right" I gave in, there was no point arguing, mainly because there was nothing to argue about.
"Great! Well, My name is Haruki, Haruki Sakurai" He spoke cheerfully as he bowed.
"Nice to meet you, My name is Miyeon, Miyeon Lee" I bowed as well, and then there was silence. Shortly after, I began to train him, to my surprise he was an avid and quick learner, it took him about one hour to learn some things that had taken me months to learn. I envied his memory. Hours passed by, and we had a nice conversation about school during our break. We ate in the small break area. Later, during our second shift, the store was similar to a ghost town, with only two wandering souls in it, Haruki and I.
As I was walking down the aisles, pretending to work (don't judge me) it hit me that his name wasn't Korean, it didn't bother me but rather made me curious about his origins. "Haruki? Huh." I let out without thinking. Then I felt a presence behind me. 'Speaking of the devil, damn hope he didn't hear me.'
"Yes?" He simply replied with a surprised look on his face as he tried figuring out what was going on. "Is there a problem?" He must've thought I had called out to him.
"No, sorry." I apologized, not wanting to make the situation awkward like a few hours ago when he first arrived at the store. His next actions caught me off guard. He stepped forward and put his hand on my shoulder and said, "If you're going to ask if I'm from Japan, the answer is yes." In a calm, soothing tone different from his asserting tone earlier.
"B-but, your Korean is so good. I thought you were from here." I said, looking confused and questioning if he was messing with me or not. He simply looked at me like I was crazy and chuckled. Dick move if you ask me, he's lucky I didn't punch him right then and there.
As we walked back to the register he stated " Well, I've lived here since I was like 5 or 6 years old, I don't remember quite well if I'm being honest" I just gave him a surprised look as he finished telling me this information.
"So your parents are Japanese as well?" Before he answered, he stopped in front of the register and looked down at the floor. He frowned and looked tense for a couple of seconds. I immediately knew I had hit the nail right on the head with my question, and it had not even been on purpose. I felt a knot in my throat as I watched his quivering hands reach out for his glasses, one hand rubbed his eyes, and wiped the small tears away before they had even broken free. He gave a hearty laugh, and I recognized the sound as well. It was the sound of one mocking their situation, feeling pathetic, ridiculous, and pitiful. He made an effort to hide the cracks in his voice as he spoke again, however, it was obvious he was a bit sensitive to the topic. "Yes, Mama and Papa are Japanese as well," He said in a weak thread of voice. I stood frozen, I could feel empathy towards him, however, I had never been in the position of someone witnessing another person have a mini breakdown, so I felt almost unqualified to speak another word.
When I finally built up the courage and approached him to ask him another question, a customer came in, a loud one at that, and He began to work and assisted the customer as if nothing had happened. He ignored me for the rest of the night, and I felt like an asshole for the rest of the night and well into the morning. Every time I tried to check on him to see if he was fine, some customers would interrupt, and he would assist them. As the night went, my worries and guilt began to turn into anxiety.
When it was time to close up, we got our things and headed out. No word was utter from either side. As I locked the door, I could see him rushing off in the reflection of the glass door. It was now or never, besides, there was another reason why I didn't want him to leave. "Hey wait!" I shouted at him, hoping he got the message that I'm scared to be alone. Our security guy had left before us. I hated it when he did that. The nights I had to walk alone to the train station, even if it was a ten-minute walk, were traumatic and terrifying. He stopped dead in his tracks. I approached him silently. And then, finally asked.
"Are you good?" He looked at me in confusion at first before it hit him, "Oh…yea, I'm all good." He responded with a smile. It was obvious he was lying.
"No. No, you're not. Tell me what's wrong" I blurted out of frustration, I had even managed to sound demanding. When I realized what I did I retaliated "I-If you want to, no pressure, it's fine." He stood there still as a rock, as I stepped closer to him. I forgot how short he was. He started biting his upper lip as his eyes began to turn watery again. Nevertheless, he attempted to speak. "My mother, she…" He averted his eyes and on instinct reached out for his glasses and pulled them off. One hand cupped his mouth while a cascade flowed. His face flushed from embarrassment. As he choked out the last words, my body moved on his own and I embraced him.
"-she passed away"
He clung to me for dear life, sobbing harder as time passed. I stroked his short hair, and gently rubbed his back in an attempt to bring comfort. The absence of loved ones always disconsolate those with the memories of their living days. Something clenched at my heart, and my soul wept in unison with him. Soon, I too began to sob.
Under the clear sky, with the moon as a witness, two hearts weep with each other. One releasing all frustration and hurt, the other one, serving as an anchor to who was to become one of the few joys of her life.
Time passed and none of us seemed to want to let go. We let go of each other reluctantly. I gave him a small smile and let out a small chuckle as I noticed my own tears. He let out a small giggle and with that, the apprehensiveness of the situation eased. We walked together to the train station, and it turns out we lived in opposite directions. Before boarding our respective trains, we exchanged numbers. I had gotten on the train already when I felt the need to call him, I was worried. How long had it been since I had cared about someone else?
He picked up almost as soon as I hit the dial. "Hello?" He asked from the other side. "Hello," I replied. I even let out a small laugh. "I wanted to make sure you're doing fine over there," I said as the trains began to roll. "Oh, really? How thoughtful of you," He said mockingly. "Listen little crap, I'm over here trying to be a good friend, and you act like this?" I decided to play along. I could hear his laugh on the other side, and heard my own echoed in the empty wagon. "Well, my dearest friend, I will love to inform you I'm doing remarkably well on my side" He spoke in an upright manner, I laughed, so much elegance coming from someone who moments ago had been bailing out his eyes and murmuring incoherent sentences. "Well, my good fellow, as you understand, it is a friend's responsibility to check up on those who lost their composure a few moments ago," I replied with the same tone. I heard silence on the other side and began to wonder if I had crossed the line. When I was about to apologize, his voice came back. "I miss her a lot, and it's been two years already, but…" He let out a sigh. I nodded, then realized I was on the phone, and he couldn't see me. "I guess, there is no reason why her passing away shouldn't still affect me." Just as he became quiet again, I asked him something personal. "Haruki…" I called out. A small "hmn?" indicated to me, he was listening. "What...what happened to your mother?" The tension didn't wait, and the stern silence wasn't helping. Finally, he spoke.
"My father and my mother were on their way to celebrate their 20th anniversary. I stayed home with my imoto for the day," He paused for a second. I wanted to tell him that there was no need to say everything, but it felt as if he was finally coming to closure with an issue. "Their destination was Ingwansan, it was their favorite mountain, they had visited every year since we moved here" I smiled at the tale, they must've been deeply in love. "People usually go by walking, but Mama was weak in the knees and could no longer walk the same distances. Papa insisted that they still visited, by car" He inhaled deeply as if to calm his nerves, which were evident by the sound of his uneven breathing. "The walk up the mountain is difficult, and the road was steep" I felt a shiver run down my spine. "The midst of the early morning made it impossible to see the road clearly, but the weather in the mountains is so unpredictable and ever-changing that there were no announcements in the early dawn of a small storm the night before their journey" I felt a knot on my throat "The car got stuck, and Papa got out to move it, he has always been Mama's hero. He promised to get them out of there." I could no longer tell whether it was his sobs or mine that sounded in the background. "The storm wasn't completely gone, and its intensity had increased. Mama yelled as the car had begun to roll down, the rain poured harder by the minute. Oh! Poor Papa, he was not strong enough to stop the car from rolling down the hill" He stopped for a moment and let out a few sobs, I had to contain my own. "When he finally came down the hill, Mama had hit her head on the window. He called home, oh Miyeon! How much I regret not going with them! If I had been there I could have helped Papa stop the car, and Mama would still be here with us" He sobbed harder, and I took it upon myself to relieve him of his guilt.
"No. You didn't know! There was no way you could have prevented that. Do you understand?" I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection.
"It's not your fault"
He paused his sobbing, and I stayed on the line murmuring sweet nothings to him. We stayed silent until I had arrived home, as I walked into my apartment, he spoke again.
"It's been two years and I have not told anyone about my regret. Papa blames himself for it, but my sister and I reassured him it was never his fault. He only wanted to make her happy. He would move heaven and earth for her, that's how much he loved her." His voice gave a melancholic air, and for some reason, I was sure he was smiling at the memory of his parent's true love.
"I'm sure he did. And you loved her too, didn't you?" I responded while I glanced at the clock, 4:00 am.
"Yeah, I did." He let out a small yawn, and consequently, I let out one as well.
"I believe it's time for us to rest, if we are lucky we won't look too much like zombies today at school" He let out a giggle, and I smiled to myself. I had changed clothes and put on my pajamas. I was resting on my bed, I no longer cared for my assignments, right now, Haruki needed me more.
"Hey, Miyeon…" His sleepy voice trailed on the last syllable.
"Yes?" I asked, struggling to keep my eyelashes from falling.
"Thank you... For everything" He said, gratefulness embodied in his tone.
"There is no...need...for thanks," I replied.
Sleep overcame us, and to my surprise, I didn't hang up, neither did he.