A few hours passed.
What is this warmth I feel in the palm of my hand? And this weight on my chest? It's so comforting, I could stay there for years.
I open my eyelids and find Anzu, sleeping on top of me, his … his hand on mine.
What the hell am I doing in a bed? Did I fall asleep?
I gently shake his arm.
—Wake up Anzu, wake up.
—Are you feeling better, Kinari?
—Yeah … I'm much better already. What are you doing here, Anzu?
—I wanted to look after you, Kinari. But I think I fell asleep too. You fell asleep on the couch so we carried you here. You know… Last time in the infirmary, you were the one who took care of me, so I wanted to return the favour!
Thank you.
—Thank you… Anzu.
What a kindness … it's the first time that someone has paid so much attention to me.
We leave the room and join our friends. Chizu looks up at me and warns the others.
—Big Brother is up!
I look through the window and discover a blazing twilight.
How long have I slept, seriously?
Our club president approaches me and whispers quietly.
—Come with me outside, we have to get the fireworks.
She's right, it's time to set them off. We progress cautiously towards the rock.
She really hid them in such a place?
We put them on the balcony, go back to the chalet and tell our friends to join us.
Masuko and I hand out fireworks to everyone.
—Fireworks? Did you have this idea, Masuko?
—Not at all, it was Kinari who thought of it.
Chizu approaches me, and whispers.
—You're not as stupid as you look, big brother.
You think so?
—I can't wait to send this one to the sky!
So I was right when I bought them, this is the kind of activity teenagers do with each other.
—Shall we start, Kinari?
How does this thing work? Don't they come with instructions?
Masuko steps forward, and lights her fire first.
I see, that's how it works?
I burn the string of mine, then we move back.
Our two rockets go far, far, far away. They cross the night sky. The fulmination illuminates with an unequalled beauty, this reddish night.
This 3D universe is incredible.
Chizu and Anzu contemplate the explosion, then cry out.
—Wow! It is magnificent.
I felt a chill as our president's eyes met mine. She smiled, and we gave each other a thumbs up to show our success.
Did I do it?
—It was perfect, Kinari.
Chizu, Inoue and Anzu come forward and light their fireworks together.
The smoke rises into the sky.
What is this feeling? It's not adrenaline, what is this feeling?
The explosion was masterful.
It's … nice?
—It was beautiful!
Beautiful?
We sit next to each other.
Why am I still surrounded by all the girls in this cabin…
They… They are not too close to us? Kinari whispers shyly in a corner of my head.
They were admiring the dark sky, and seemed to be daydreaming.
—Thanks for tonight, Kinari.
Are you trying to smile now?' mumbled Kinari jokingly in the back of my mind.
—What's that face, Kinari?
The girls laugh out loud.
—You're quite an otaku, my sister sighs.
—It's clear, there's nothing more we can do for him.
Leave me alone.
You're really out of it,' Kinari says to me.
You're not wrong…
Yamaguchi cuts off my discussion with myself.
—Guys, don't you want us to take turns shouting out something that's important to us?
What does that mean exactly?
They all seem more or less excited. On the plus side, luckily, I get to go second to last.
Think about it…
Yamaguchi starts first. He raises his chin to about one hundred and twenty degrees, then yells.
—I'm sorry to love a person!
Huh? What is he saying?
He turns his head in the direction of Maeda, and signals to him that it was his.
—I want to be a famous actor, work with great artists and have a leading role!
Another dream?
Chizu stands up.
I notice that tears are running down her cheekbones, despite that, she is smiling.
Sis?
She leans on the balcony, lets her braids float by the few gusts, then screams with all her soul.
—I would do anything to make many more memories with you all!
Damn.
Chizu… This power in your words … you have changed so little. You've remained the same all this time, and are only looking for one thing, memories and more memories. You are an exceptional person, with a strength and courage that I admire. Why the hell did fate get so mad at you, I'm sick of it!
Aneko stands up.
Brrrh, her rose smell is always so intoxicating…
Her eyes meet mine, then she lifts her head towards the burning sky and shouts with an intense voice.
—I had a crush on a boy, but I stammer permanently in front of him!
Shivers run through my body.
Not a sound, as if the storm had stopped.
Who is she talking about? Yamaguchi? Maeda?
I lean back to check the reaction of the two boys.
Their cheeks are all red. Are they that intimidated by Aneko? They're real idiots, those two.
Masuko stands up, then, in his turn, yells with a deep voice.
—I'm being...!
She shakes her head, then swallows her saliva.
You can do it, Masuko. I believe in you!
She approaches me, kneels down, and whispers.
—I'm sorry.
Sorry?
The night was darker than ever.
When she stood up, I felt her smell pierce my heart.
— I'm in love with Yamazaki Kinari!
Damn it.
My heart bounced all over my body, and my hair stood on end.
Damn it.
The hands of time have stopped.
What the hell?
I am swimming in the lake of love, Kinari confides to me in love.
I slap myself twice to shut him up and at the same time I see Masuko's tears running down her cheeks.
Damn.
It's my turn.
I inhale the air, stand up and think.
Something we care about, right?
I walk to the balcony, look out at the dull night, then inhale.
Even Menma will hear my voice.
—My dream is to make your dreams come true! That's what would make me the happiest in the world! I'm tired of being passive, I'm tired of everyone taking the piss out of me, I want to change, to live with you all, and to be a normal person!
—Big Brother…
— Kinari…
I kneel down, and breath deep.
I did it.
Dry your tears,' Kinari said seriously.
My tears?
Anzu gets up, and stands from my point of view, just under the moon.
She looks so much like Princess Kaguya.
She puts her hands against the bars of the balcony, caresses her locks while breathing very hard then screams with a voice full of remorse.
—I'm… I've been in love with someone for ten years, but I have never, ever been able to declare my love for him, myself!
She inhales, and continues.
—I am also fed up! I'm tired of being abandoned! I can't have this feeling of guilt that has been hanging around for all these years! No, but seriously, what kind of shitty destiny is this! I reached my dream, but I can't even keep it! I'm so sick of it!
The moon sparkled with her words.
Damn it.
His words made a lost relic inside me shine.
That was powerful too.
The gusts stopped.
Chizu breaks the silence by shouting.
—A shooting star, friends, look! Make a wish, quickly!
A wish? The top of the tower of the gods had better grant it.
I close my eyelids, inhale, and pray.
I wish everyone present to be happy.
Rem: Waifu soubrette taking care of the main character. (Re: Zero)
Menma: Main character wearing a long white dress. (Anohana)
Kaguya : Character of a famous Japanese tale.
The top of the tower of the gods: Tower that grants wishes. (Tower of God.)
Chapter 12
Yamaguchi and Maeda get up.
—We're going to bed, see you tomorrow!
Aneko follows by explaining to my sister.
—Can you come to our room, Chizu?
—Yes, yes, I'm coming, Aneko!
—See you tomorrow, friends.
The … the friends? They consider me as their friend?
We are now only three on the balcony. I noticed that Anzu was unable to hold a conversation, she seemed terribly intimidated. As for Masuko, she was going back to her room, silently.
I turned to the girl.
I want answers, Kinari whispers to me, curious.
—Why didn't you tell me?
No word, she remains cruelly discreet.
What to do…
Think about it…
Tell her about my past? Maybe it would change her mind.
I inhale all the air I can, then exhale.
I launch myself.
—You know, Anzu, in school, when I was little, I was always alone. The other kids would go to the park after our lessons, and I would go home to my parents by myself. When they were playing on the playground, I was in my corner reading manga. Why did I do that? Because I didn't want anyone to be sad because of me. Don't you think that being alone gives you freedom?
She keeps silent. I decided to continue my explanations, hoping that she would be interested, even if only a little.
—I didn't want to feel anger, melancholy, or a whole bunch of useless emotions by having friends. When I was seven years old, Chizu got … sick and my parents couldn't accept it. They asked us to leave home and let us live with our aunt. But this lady was always travelling abroad. So I was alone. I had to take care of Chizu, she came first.
Fucking fate.
—I couldn't join any clubs, or even go out with my classmates, because Chizu was alone at home. Because of her … illness, she hasn't spoken to anyone but me for nine years now. She doesn't go to school anymore either. That's also why I've always been a lonely person. You know, Anzu, two months ago I was still stuck in my bubble until school started. Since that day, I spend most of my time with you, it was our meeting that shook me up so much.
She looks at me with her emerald eyes, looking sad.
—Meeting …' she stutters grimly, 'thank you for telling me about your past Kinari. I… I must admit I already knew some of it. This lonely boy intrigued me greatly. We all want to blend in with our classmates for fear of being laughed at, so that's why it makes me feel so nostalgic.
What is she telling me? I must be tired…
—Kinari, you … what are you going to do about Masuko's statement?
—I don't know… I was so surprised, I wasn't ready at all!
—I see she sighs.
The cold is starting to freeze my muscles.
—Shall we go back?
—Yes, we are.
—I'm going to take a look at Masuko's room, she worries me a little bit.
She nods, looking like she's going to go home.
—I'll wait for you on the sofa, see you later.
I go up the stairs and overhear a conversation between Aneko and my little sister.
Well, well, well, what are they talking about?
I approach the door and listen.
—Do you remember what I shouted earlier, Chizu?
—Yes, that you had a crush on a boy, right?
—That's right. This boy is your brother, Chizu… I had a crush on Kinari during our school trip. But it's annoying me, I just stammer in front of him!
What's a crush?
Besides being an otaku, you're stupid, Kinari sighs jaggedly.
—Aneko, it's so touching!
—He has so much class… And I can't do anything, I'm fed up!
Aneko… You're the one with so much class, you're the idol of the school!
—Don't worry, I believe in you!
—Do you … do you know if he has a girlfriend?
—Big Brother? Of course not,' she giggles, rolling on the floor.
She doesn't have to make a big deal out of it…
—I have… I have the right to fall in love with him, then?
Damn it.
—Aneko, you're so sweet! Of course you can!
Damn it.
I have never heard this conversation. I haven't… What the hell am I supposed to do!
I'm swimming in the ocean of love, Kinari tells me in love.
I can kill him, Kinari tells me in a huff, pulling out two khukuris.
This is not the time, you shut up.
Well, I'm going to pretend I don't know what to do, and go on my way.
I progress with the wolf's pace not to be noticed by the girls. After having made three steps, a squeaking stops me. I analyse the ground.
What the fuck is this shitty coincidence! I just stepped on a stuffed animal! I am much more cursed than Ganta Igarashi!
They look back at me.
Now I'm dead.
I observe the crimson cheekbones of Aneko that she tries to hide with her quilt.
—I am invisible, mumbles the heroine of eroge untiringly while putting her blanket on her body.
Chizu approaches me, then sings with a mocking air.
—Big Brother the stud, big brother the stud.
She closes the door.
Phew, I thought I would be executed on the spot.
Masuko worries me more than anything, I have a kind of doubtful feeling. I enter her room and discover her in a corner of the room, with tears in her eyes. I approach her silently and hug her.
I think this is what I have to do.
—I'm here, Masuko, I'm here, it's okay.
She puts her face against my shoulder then blows me away.
—I don't know what to do anymore!
Do you think I have any idea what to do?
—Why?
—I'm so jealous of Anzu!
Anzu?
Melancholically, she continues.
—I want to be in her place, I want to visit the amusement park with you, I want to see an aquarium, I want to buy presents for each other. I want you to dry my tears, I want you to hold my hand, I want you to watch over me. I want to be much closer to you, Kinari! I declared myself to you when you don't love me, I'm just a fool!
She looks like Zenitsu Agatsuma shōjo version…
—You know Masuko, we are all born different, with our qualities, our flaws, our strengths and our weaknesses. You have nothing to envy from Anzu. You're fine the way you are, just be yourself. I love you the way you are!
What did I just say?
She remains silent and lets her smile grow with my words.
—So don't talk nonsense! We are a duo both. Don't forget that you have unique qualities that Anzu doesn't have. And you have your own faults that Anzu doesn't have. And above all you have a beautiful dream!
I don't even know what I'm saying, I was just inspired by a scene I had read in my manga.
You're the worst otaku ever, Kinari.
—A … a duet?
—Yes! Thank you, Kinari… You're right, I won't let it happen again! You'll see, I'll try harder to be closer to you, and I'll bend over backwards to make my dream come true!
Her shoulder sticks to mine, she turns her face away, and kisses my cheek.
—I would have at least stolen her first time.
Damn, I don't control anything anymore.
Upset, my cheeks become empurpled.
My heart … my heart is beating so fast. I'm close to having a heart attack right now. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in … oh! That smell, is that his perfume? He smells so good … that enchanting aroma of grapefruit, orange and pineapple, it's so subtle and sweet. I fucking love it so much!
This scene is beyond me, we're light years ahead of the first chapter, Kinari sighs jaggedly.
I quickly swing my head from left to right to recover my senses.
—I … uh… I have to join Anzu, she's waiting for me in the sofa.
She grabs my arm, and declares.
—I'll go with you, darling!
Darling? Darling… I miss the shōjos so much, I hear voices?
Ganta Igarashi: A character with extreme bad luck. (Deadman Wonderland)
Zenitsu Agatsuma: Character with fearfulness and no confidence but can demonstrate the opposite. (Kimetsu No Yaiba.)