His mother was waiting for him with a cup of water and some pills when he arrived. "You forgot these, Jessica."
He had taken them for so long that he knew exactly what each one was. Antidepressants, sleeping aids, complexion aids, and … estrogen.
He swallowed them down effortlessly, save for the estrogen. That, he purposely kept in his mouth, trying not to swallow it and walk away naturally. Unfortunately for him, his mother had other things in mind.
"You didn't swallow it." His mother said plainly.
His heartbeat began to slow, his palms already moist. "I did!"
"No you didn't."
"I did."
"Show me your mouth."
There was a pause.
"Show me your mouth, Jessica. Now."
He gulped, forced into a corner. He would have to swallow it or else … his mother would consider doing that a second time.
He began to swallow, but it was too late. His mother had already caught on. He winced, bracing himself for another lecture.
"Why aren't you taking those pills?! You are a girl, and there's no changing that. Do you want to be like one of those freaks who pretend they're boys? You know those transgenders aren't real! Why do you want to be a boy so badly?"
His mother's words still stung as he lowered his head and walked upstairs. It wasn't even the blatant bigotry that hurt the most. He wasn't even female.
If he was, then his father wouldn't have said those things. If he was, then those records wouldn't have existed. If he was, then … he wouldn't feel like his entire identity was wrong.
Too bad that he could never go back to the way he was before … everything.
When Eli finally came back to his room again, he didn't feel like talking to Atere. Well, to be exact, he didn't feel like doing anything at all. But since he could not change time, he lied on his bed and tried to forget about what had just happened.