The dark place was practically Jamal's secondary home at this point, even though he knew it was the longest he'd been in this state. What damage had he taken, was something he couldn't possibly figure out, since he didn't remember why he got here. Once again, his power constantly led him to these states of weakness, and it was starting to piss him off. Could a man not get some real rest for once?
He could actually feel the healing of his body, as the converted energy pulsed through his body and gave him limited movement through the darkness. No light had come here yet, but Jamal was able to walk around and somewhat lift his arms, so a start was a start.
The eternal silence had to be one of the worst feelings ever, with Jamal hating every second of it. Was this all justified, so he could learn some type of lesson? Was this the world's way of teaching him right from wrong, for everything he'd done? He wasn't perfect, but damn, could he not catch a break?
The thoughts made him clench his fists, but the usual steam did not follow. The same message went through his mind over and over again, just as to why he didn't finish the job. None of this would have happened had Jamal not tried to kill Youden in his first encounter. When the man had no intent to kill some teens truly and was his weakest since his prime. But no, he and Hops failed to do the job and let Youden practically rejuvenate in strength and a new purpose to whatever plan he was going to implement.
There was no going back to the past, as much as Jamal wished, and it was something he'd have to live with for however long he had left. For all he could conclude, the man was practically dead at this point in time. Even after realizing this, he couldn't get the thought of not seeing his family again out of his head. No, the only thing that was there to comfort him was darkness, and not Ula's. No eternal slumber was awaiting him.
"I'm sorry," Jamal muttered, although that wasn't him speaking.
Turning to look around, that cursed version of himself was back in his presence, a thin white aura illuminating its outline. It was a more accurate resemblance of him compared to what he last saw in the city, but patches here and there were present.
"I forgot, you can't talk right now, if ever again." it sighed in disappointment, "You probably weren't expecting me to show up, and I sure wasn't going to."
Jamal couldn't understand what he was supposed to get out of this, as he had nothing more to offer and present to the world. His life for all he knew was done for, so why bother anymore?
"Don't hate what I'm going to say, but I know everything you are thinking. I am literally you, after all. Jamal, I'll just ask you this. If you could tell Ula, your family, or the thousands, if not millions of people wishing for you to still fight, what would you say?"
The surprising statement had him shocked for a minute. For once, his hideous side asked him something that wasn't meant to have him triggered, but a moment of reflection. There was no need to think to what he had to say, for Jamal already knew the answer. He failed, and there was no denying that.
"I-, I can't." Jamal forced out, throat parched like the hot deserts south of Saputa.
His shadow moved so slightly to confront him, almost directly in front of Jamal, but stopped by his side. Even in the darkness of his trapped mind, Jamal could sense the disappointment coming from the shadow, even after everything they've been through.
"Damn, that's really it? Are we giving up? Just like that? You fell down so many times, and every time you've gotten back up! Now, you're here again in the same situation and you jus-" The shadow began to go off.
"No! There is no next time! You don't fucking get it! I'm done! I'm a dead man!" Jamal blurted out, pent-up rage building, "I have nothing more to offer! Nothing!"
"So when they'll leave you to die eventually, you won't fight to get back with our family? Ula and our kids didn't matter? Everyone else didn't matter? The city, the people els-, no, in the entire world don't matter? Do you hear yourself?"
"I hate fighting!" Jamal cried out, shocking his shadow for a second, "I never wanted to say it, but I hate all this fighting! I didn't envision my life to revolve around one man, and so be it! I'll die so I never have to do this again!"
"Wow," the shadow couldn't believe, as it instinctively started to clap, "You've finally admitted the truth."
Jamal's mouth dropped out of pure shock, unable to compute the change of tone. This entire time, his inner monster had led him to believe that unleashing all that power and chaos was the only way to win. But now, after a couple of words, did it mean nothing? As if it wished for him to spill out this truth from the jump.
"It's all I've ever wanted Jamal, since the beginning. I've promised you that we'll do whatever it takes to beat Youden and give us the peace we've wanted. I was always your real thoughts, Jamal. You just decided to bring up the ones you've kept at the back of your mind from me. So here we are."
The confusion was still there, as Jamal had to let all this new information process. Something wasn't adding up, but given time maybe he could figure out what was supposed to be concluded.
"Remember after the tournament all those pitiful years ago, when news broke out of war? When before even meeting anyone associated with Youden himself, with the small opportunity to flee the area. We could have stayed as evacuees and disappeared without notice. Sure, Youden was probably going to find out about us with what we left behind at the Academy, eventually, but still. This reality never had to be ours, we chose this."
It stung, but the likelihood, no, the realm of it being correct could only bring despair to Jamal's mind. He had taken things for granted in this cursed world, and it showed. Everything that the people of this planet would hope to have never witnessed was brought indirectly because of him. The way he saw it truly, was all correlated to him.
"No, don't do that to yourself." His shadow redirected his distraught vision, "The life we have now has already come. We didn't start the direct death of millions from around the world, because we can only do what we envision to be. It's only up to us to finish what Boom and the others warned us about. We unfortunately have to finish their fight, whether we want to or not."
"It's over, I can-" Jamal started to ramble off again.
Just as he was continuing, a loud smack reverbed through the air, as a receding burn sliced across his chin. It was a lot more painful than Jamal assumed was possible in this state, as the hit had him stagger back a step or two.
"No, I don't want to hear that. You're gonna fight for every second to make it back to your, actually, our family. Ula, Laken, and Jackie need a man like us back in their lives, no matter the state. We'll take it one step at a time, but you are not dying under our watch."
"Our?"
"I'm just here to push you. Even as bad as you know and say it is, you haven't stopped breathing yet. Nothing has stopped you from ending it, but here to stay. You want to do it. So, you let her know when the time is now."
Jamal kept his mouth shut after that, as the shadow figure took a deep breath before slowly fading away. The man was alone once again, although with a better outlook on things. It could have been a lot worse, but he knew that acceptance was the only way. With him gone, everyone else in his life would become a primary target, because he would have refused the duty he promised them all. Perhaps, there was really one last fight to do after all, and Jamal was going to do whatever it took to reach there. Whatever it takes to end all of this madness and chaos, once and for all, truthfully.