Celine knew her parents always get sad around this time of year. She was too young when it happened, and they expected her to forget about her sister, but she can’t, and she won’t. ‘I’m never going to forget Carmen. I still miss you. Happy birthday, sis!’ she sent a silent greeting to her sister. It was her birthday today, and she would have turned 30 if the kidnappers had only returned her to them.
She had been to several therapy sessions over the years because of her nightmares, they never seemed to go away. She doesn’t have them as often now, but it intensifies around her sister’s birth month. Subconsciously, she was having survivor’s guilt.
Celine felt guilty, thinking how the kidnappers should have taken them together, then she would have known what happened to her sister. Every year she would wish and pray that Carmen would be somewhere out there, alive. Maybe her sister does not know how to come back home.
Her nightmares would start when she was coloring a book in the car after the driver picked them up from school.
‘Look, Carmen! Look! Look at my flowers, aren’t they pretty?’ Celine squeals, trying to get her attention.
‘They’re very pretty, Celine,’ Carmen replied, finishing her homework.
‘Are we home yet? I want ice cream. Can I have the blue one this time?’ Celine said. They would always sneak ice cream when they came home. Her sister Carmen was tall enough to reach the shelf where they hid the ice pops. So every time they came home from school, they would sneak into the house quietly, tiptoeing and dumping their bags near the door. Her sister would then go to the fridge and get their ice pops.
They would hide from their mom and go outside to eat their treat. She didn’t want them to eat anything before dinner. But when Heather thinks about it now, her mom was probably in on their prank because the ice pops were always full. They never ran out of their favorite flavors.
She was daydreaming about ice pops when Carmen told her to hide under the seat. ‘Remember when we hid from mom, so we could surprise her? Close your eyes and keep quiet until mommy or daddy come, okay? Shhh… Don’t be afraid, it’s going to be okay. Don’t come out, whatever happens,’ Carmen says quietly.
She got scared and whimpered, but suddenly it got dark, and she could feel things being piled on top of her. Later, she learned that Carmen had covered her with their bags and jackets to hide her.
Celine was crying quietly, and she didn’t know what was happening. She was scared, but her sister told her to keep quiet, so she did. She always did what Carmen said because she knew her sister wouldn’t do anything to harm her.
She hears Carmen screaming for them to let her go. It made her want to come out and help, but Carmen said to hide and keep quiet. So she did just that. And that’s where her nightmare usually ends, somewhere dark and scary. This was why she never sleeps with all the lights off, like a small child, she always has a night light on.
She was teary-eyed after her phone call with her dad. She knew he was sad and probably crying. Every year, this day was hard for all of them. They could not forget her, but they all pretended everything was okay. Her mom would always light a candle for her sister to remember her. And all she could do was carry on and live her life.
'This is what your sister wanted, the reason why she told her to hide.’ That’s what all the therapists told her. But time and again, she would allow the feeling of guilt to wash over her. Because it would still have been better if her sister were here.
Looking at the time she decided to head back to work, her manager was a bugger when it came to female employees. He was very strict with their breaks, always giving them punishments that made them spend time with him, so he could ogle and harass them. The manager would stare at their boobs from over their shoulders and pretend to graze against them "accidentally."
Celine learned early on not to be a pushover, her sister taught her that. Carmen would teach her to stand up for herself, but it seemed, without Carmen, she lost her self-esteem as well, and these days she wished more than ever that Carmen was here to help her.
And just like every bully that she had encountered before. Her manager knew what buttons to push, and how to scare the heck out of his staff. So nobody could say anything. He was very skilled in hiding his malicious deeds by having no witnesses. Knowing where to position himself so even the office cameras won’t be enough evidence to incriminate him.
Carmen punched the bullies in the nose whenever they made her cry and made them apologize to her. She was 6 when Carmen disappeared, and their family went back to the town her mother grew up in so they could heal, recuperate and hide from the media. There were nicer kids in their neighborhood. So she was thankful that she did not need Carmen’s help because then she would have missed her more.
When she was growing up, Celine learned she had a knack for numbers. In fact, she was very good at math and loved the challenge of a very good equation. So she followed in her dad’s footsteps, studying Finance in college, and graduating earlier than expected. But nobody would employ her as a financial analyst with no experience, so she had landed herself in the accounting department as an accounting clerk. A small position, but being employed in Navio International was better than she could get anywhere.
She’s been an accounting clerk for a few years now, and with the experience, she believed she was qualified to be a manager. But her supervisor was one of those backward thinkers that thought women were better to be assistants and clerks but never good enough to be managers or supervisors.
She was very frustrated that her skills were not being utilized, and sooner or later, she may need to find another job.