Welp, this year has been tough. Falling into old habits and being total moron wasn't part of my plans lol. It's been quite a ride so far.
Rejection hurts... again. It's worse now since I built up an ACTUAL platonic friendship with this girl. I don't blame her, I wouldn't want me either.
I've caught myself constantly doing stupid stuff just to get her attention. And like a damn kid I look to her direction after I do them. Like man wth am I even doing?
I miss feeling the way I felt before... unconcerned about my love life. I'm still obviously too immature. I miss my old self, not ALL of my old self obviously. Just certain aspects of it, I never used to do stupid things JUST to get people's attention. I didn't feel the need to be popular or well known, or loved... I was comfortable.