Man, time does fly, huh? I last mentioned the Heroes in the Half Shels about two years ago, the summer before my sophomore year. As I talk about the Turtles again, I am entering my final semester of college, and they are turning 40 this year. And while I may be biased, I've got to say our heroes in the Half Shell have aged like fine wine. Hell (or should I say shell), in this year alone, they've dominated almost every medium.
Starting with video games, the turtles collabed with Fornite while releasing the Wrath of the Mutants video game; Mutant Mayhem got their own game in Mutants Revenge, and a new DLC dropped in Shredder's Revenge. Comic books have made a killing in their crossovers with Naruto, green, white, and black series, the 40th comics celebration, and the IDW line getting a new run in over 13 years. We were graced with Mutant Mayhem's sequel series, Tales of the TMNT, which is coming over to Netflix next year.
The Turtlemania is back in full swing, and as the franchise continues to mutate into something greater, I want to pay tribute to it in some way. While I eventually plan on covering the individual cartoons one day, the best way to show the brand's history is through the movies.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has had 10 movies across 34 years, and I have recently watched all of them. As a reasonable adult, I would make this a fun little historical diatribe of each entry. However, since I'm also an asshole with a screenwriting degree in my sights, I thought it would be nice to rank them. So sit back, ladies, gentlemen, and enbies as I pit each TMNT movie in a battle to the top!
Note
Before we begin, I thought I'd make some ground rules. The title and intro say I'm only covering the TMNT movies, whether released in theaters, streaming, or TV. We'd be here all day if we branched out into mutil-parters or specials. I might have a hot take or two here, but this is all based on my opinion at the end of the day. This is my rambling on the young, irritated assassin terrapins across history, and they are all made to be in good fun rather than any objective ranking. I intend to give a fair shake for each entry while doing proper research. If you still have a disagreement, please feel free to comment below. I love a good conversation. Now, let's begin.
#10: Turtles in Time
Sigh … you know you're washed when a video game is more iconic than you and a 2016 short (turtles take time and space) did your entire premise but better. Normally, the Ninja Turtles getting iseaki'ed to another place has led to some of this franchises best stories. It allows the characters to delve into the broader mythology and forgo having to hide normally. This doesn't help in this outing though. Turtles in time was the only TMNT movie I saw for the first time while making this list, so there's not really a lot of nostalgia to draw upon for me here.
In many ways this movie is a return to form for the trilogy with the return of Corey Deldman (Donatello) and Elias Koteas as Casey and a massive step back in many others. The removal of the Jim Henson suits in favor of the All Effects Company while a valid budget conttait does make our terrapins look more like amphibians.
Still, even with a higher budget, I don't think it would save the movie. I don't think there's enough time or personal investment in most of the 1603 cast of characters since I feel more time is spent on either boring comedy or action. Even with her being the person that gets things rolling, I forget April was even here.
And Kenshin being ported to the present day means we don't get a way to have the central moral conflict of leaving him in the present too hard. A conflict of potentially leaving a time where the turtles are accepted only really comes up anyway in the end as a last-minute twist.
This also means that both Walker and Daimiyo Norinaga become some of the most boring antagonists on the list. Seeing them try to confuse the Turtles for demons or kappa is fun, but they never really get to show themselves as real threats. Still, there are a couple of upsides to the movie. Raph's relationship with Yoshi is cute, and there are some funny bits, specifically with Casey and the samurai. And if the worst movie on this list is boring, then we are in for a good time.
#9 Out of the Shadows
Onto what I might think is a bit of a spicier take, we have Micheal Bay's second outing with the Ninja turtles. The general consensus of the Bay turtles is softer now as with the sequel. As such, I'll be smoother and give my overall opinion on the Bay Turtles in the 2014 movie. As for why Out of the Shadows is here, it's more tied to a personal anecdote.
One of the reasons why I think Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for me for so long is the willingness to adapt.
We all have eras of the franchise we fell in love with and wish to hold onto. However, for any big brand to remain relevant, it must evolve and reflect the needs of those who carry the torch and those who will be here to see it. You can honor what came before, but I will always prefer you going forward. That is why so much of this film feels like an overly cautious step back.
I still remember a lot of the negative press TMNT 2014 got, so I understand that it is naturally pivoting to a more "traditional" direction with a focus on the 80s show. This fan wishes he was serviced a little less, though. The introduction of Baxter Stockman, Rocksteady, Bebop, Casey Jones, and Krang alongside a pretty big cast already leaves the movie overstuffed, and none of them get any proper time to shine except for Shredder's mutant duo.
Shredder past his escape could fuck off, and nothing changes; Krang introduces himself with barely any proper build-up and mostly gets the ball rolling. Baxter is good, but he's an afterthought, which receives an incredibly dissatisfying ending to his story. And then there's Casey. Casey fucking Jones by Stephen Amell. Look, man, I think that Casey as a cop isn't the worst idea so long as he immediately gets screwed over by the system to be a vigilante.
Like most of the cast, I think Stephen Amell could also pull off the more crazy energy Casey Jones often requires. But he's so dull in this film, and the fact he wants to be a detective the entire time makes me feel like this isn't Casey. The central conflict isn't conflicting enough.
The idea of the turtles wanting to be human to gain acceptance is a novel idea that I knew would never happen. So, most of the movie is dedicated to a lot of arguing going nowhere. Leo, for some reason, extends throughout the film until we get a dissatisfying conclusion.
Again, the idea of the Turtles wanting to get accepted at the cost of their home and identity isn't new, but that conflict is handled better in other films. The CGI for the turtles and most practical effects are a big step up, but I still find most of the action to be a downgrade, which places Out of the Shadows even lower on the list.
#8: Secret of the Ooze.
So, it's a funny story. This is my SECOND TMNT film I have ever watched. I was 10 at the time, so I can't exactly remember why I skipped the first one, but I still enjoyed it. Nostalgia didn't save this movie at all, though. The Secret of the Ooze has the same problem as the last entry: it feels like an overcorrection from audience reactions. However, instead of general fans, it's concerned parents. Combined with director Steve Barron leaving for Micheal Pressman, despite being a direct sequel, this feels completely different from the first.
While I'm not going to bust out my old man cane and say, "taking the grittiness of TMNT ruins the du,n," I think the Turtles always work best when combining lightheartedness and dark tones. The Secret of the Ooze, while lacking a lot of the pinnace of its original outing, I still like aspects of it. The lack of Elias Kotas Casey Jones is disappointing, but I found Ernie Reyes Jr.'s Keno to be a fine addition to the cast that fits with the plot soon enough.
I also like how the movie builds upon this version of the turtles' origin, especially when Donatello talks with Professor Perry and Splinter about their roots from the Ooze. It's a natural evolution of the lore and action as Shredder creates his mutants. Though in hindsight, as much as I appreciate doing something different from Tokka and Rahazar, I have to ask: Why?
Even with the rules of this mutagen being different, I don't think people would've minded if Bebop and Rocksteady were created from animals instead of humans. Their dumbness as rocks would also justify their eventually getting outsmarted. Still, with my slight critique, the movie has some fun bits despite the toned-down action.
As cheesy as it is, the movie's climax with Vanilla Ice's "Go Ninja Go" is such a perfect 90s capsule that I can't stay mad. Super Shredder's anticlimatic ending, on the other hand, is another matter altogether. Still, Secret of Ooze just doesn't have the secret ingredients to carry itself higher. It still has its impact (Tokka and Rahazar, Go Ninja Go, etc.), and I'm thankful for that.
#7: Tmnt 2014
See? I told you we'd get back to the Bay Turtles. For better or worse, this movie is the first TTM film I saw in theaters, and I will say that even as a tyke, I still vividly remember the fan backlash. I remember the CGI Turtles fiasco, the reactions to Megan Fox's portrayal of April, and even the Shell Shock music video. And honestly, after 10 years of ruminating on this movie, we could've gotten it WAY WORSE.
Looking back on the movie, I had the idea of the turtles being aliens and Eric Sach being the Shredder. And as much as I love trying something new, I don't think whitewashing and extraterrestrial protagonists would've been the best move. Hot take, I know. Knowing that mind has definitely softened me up to aspects of the movie.
For starters, I don't hate the Turtles design in the movie. I think showing how muscular the turtles are with their designs isn't a bad move, and I fuck hard with most of the accessories they wear. I think the real issue is that their just too fucking big, and they pass a very uncanny valley with the realism. If they were adapted nowadays, I'm 100% sure the Turtles would be more cartoonish and stylized like the Sonic movies.
In both voice acting and characterization, we are also in good territory. Pete Ploszek (Leo), Alan Ritchson (Raph), Noel Fischer (Mikey), and Jeremy Howard (Donnie) are all great voice casts who have great energy from each other.
No better scene embodies that for me than the iconic elevator sequence right before fighting Shredder. Mikey filling up the silence with some music, only for the brothers to all chime in to hype themselves up for the final battle, is no bullshit, a really good look into why this franchise is awesome. Speaking of awesome, most of the movie's fight scenes are also that.
Splinter vs Shredder, the snow chase, and the final battle are all entertaining and unique spectacles that fit Micheal Bay's style. I also hope that future iterations will at least experiment with the idea of mecahinzed Shredder and show how good the design is here. Everything outside of the action and Turtles is where everything falls apart, though.
I am so sorry for Megan Fox because I fully bet she is a good actress, and it wouldn't be a surprise if Micheal Bay had just given her bad direction. But she is the worst April I've ever encountered in any iteration of this damn franchise. And look, I get it: April is the most inconsistent character in TMNT; her story and personality change to fit whatever story is needed.
However, much like Lois Lane across Superman adaptations, you do have to get her right regardless. She's the most important female character and prominent ally to the Turtles across every iteration. So you can do many things with her, but boring should never be chief among them. Despite being a key aspect in the Turtle's origin this time around (ala IDW), Megan feels bored throughout the entire thing, and her relationship with our favorite mutants is hollow. Mikey's attempted flirting definitely didn't help things.
In contrast, with no notes, Will Arnet as Vernon is peak casting. And if you couldn't tell enough, I do hate Eric Sachs. Knowing he and Shredder were initially supposed to be the same villain is hard to ignore because it becomes clearer how much screentime they steal from one another.
This is even more bewildering when Oroku Saki, being a corrupt billionaire, is totally on the table, even if the overall motivation of making yourself richer is ... a choice. What was also certainly a ... the choice was having the turtles master martial arts through a FUCKING BOOK. A little detail that makes me want to suspend my disbelief off a suspension bridge.
I guess to summarize my overall thoughts on both movies, I can see a lot of effort and soul in Turtles, but I still feel like a shoddy foundation and characterization make these a chore to get through. And given how badly the title actors were treated, I vastly prefer we leave this little experiment behind.