Yesterday, I didn't do anything all day.
I fucking hate Cydney. She wants to be in my life so bad. I was 6, I'm going on fucking 29 to 30, Goddamn antichristians, No one is fucking with me, so I decided to act. I went to a bookshelf in the hallway and rearranged the books by letter. I pick up a small book and some the pages are torn.
Day 72
I ate 36 pounds of shit. I wanted to try a whole meal, so I made meat, I put sour cream on it, some beans, and lettuce. But then I found dry dog shit and broke it into pieces. It was kind of crunchy. It hurt my tooth, so I went to the dentist and there was a lady named Abalone. And she said I needed a bath because my teeth were so brown. I scoffed and told her to take a bath and then she talked french to me and I flipped her the bird because I don't know French.
Day 32
Sam asked me to marry hi, but I have to give up eating dookie!
I'm so happy. That I took a huge shit and flushed it. It went down the drain but it left like stains. And then I realized that I was pregnant.
Her name is Coochie. No, what about Bob? Or Jane. I get so confused because Leslie is boy's name so what the fuck is gender-neutral? Heck, I'll call her Barbie or Liam.
I blink. What the fuck... I put the book next to a book of birthdays for convenience. I keep looking and the next book is: What is Black? I pick it up.
Chapter 1: the reverse of white, and the deepest shade possible because to total absorption or lack of light. Assigning oneself to a human group characterize0d by dark complexion, particularly those with African descent from sub-Saharan Africa. One approach to conduct industrial action is to refuse to handle goods, to do work, or to engage with people or businesses.
I am an Akan. I was raised in Côte d'Ivoire and my mother is Nyankómàgó. I don't have a father. My mother built an unknown location in Africa. I do love Côte d'Ivoire but that is the start of it. I wasn't always the asambosam. No. I was a black man!
I became a slave Jan. 23, 1892, I didn't know at first. My birthday was a mystery to me. I was born from something. It had to be. But I'm here now. My name isn't Sam. Its Badú.
My mother was a witch and she gave me that name. Maybe I think of Cydney as a witch. I think of her as my mom.
I'm so confused. Either way, I was once a slave and like my mother. I built a hiding place. I called it a convoy that was wrong, and I just started learning English. Growden used to praise me so much; I didn't like it. He owned a house and I gave the slaves the means of overcoming. He took babies from the women. It was so nasty. Growden called me his boyfriend and I got raped. I remember the smell of his breath.
Sometimes he would just look at me. And I knew he was gay. I woke up, and I caught him jacking it in front of me. I always question why me. I killed myself in 2000.
I think... I'm haunted. Why did he choose me? What did I do? I'm not gay.
Am I cursed?
Cydney never listens to me. I've even tried white pussy. I hate Darlene. She's Zebedee's incest child. He killed her mother and made her a zombie. Darlene drinks her period. She never washes her mouth out. I hate my kids, I really asked, what is love? Love from a woman.
What is that? And do I deserve it?
That's sad. Maybe I should take the kids off the plantation, he doesn't want them. Did the asambosam build the ghetto because his mind is warped? I understand that. The ghetto is loud and every black man is different. Badu is just sad.
I sigh. Where is he?
Jehovah... right?
.
.
.
Cydney handed me a mop today. I cleaned without question. She peed on the floor, but then Adam wanted to help and his brother Jarrah came. Jarrah is albino with three fingers on his left hand. He has a split in his tongue and an inch tail. They helped me mop the floor, Jarrah poured bleach on the Linoleum floor and Adam put peroxide in the mix. This foam helps the whole situation. "I fucking can not keep doing this!" Jarrah throws down the mop. "I saw her drink a canister of pee."
"Dad would never..." I used my magic to translate. They both don't speak. "Nikki, are you getting pregnant?"
"Thanks for helping. And yes, tonight."
"Tonight!" he falls backward.
"That's great. What's the name?" asks Adam.
Jarrah talks slowly and Adam is a zombie. I think these kids are dead. "I might make a cake." says Jarrah.. "I need comfort food."
I mop the floor, and she hurries downstairs to squat and pee again. This is not the bathroom. There is blood in her urine. She looks up at me and pulls her white dress up. She goes back upstairs. I turn to Adam, "Where is your father?"
"In his room." he says.
"Name bitch!"
I sigh. "Jehovah."
"Great, why do I have the name Jar?"
"Well, it could be symbolic. Jars are important. I remember I had to collect water when she made me homeless."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Also, urea and other chemicals, including poisons, are present in high amounts in urine."
Jarrah jumps up, "So she's dying?"
"She keeps asking for radiation." says Adam. "What does that do?"
"Alters the mind." I say.
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.
.
All the pee is off the floor. As Cydney comes downstairs, she holds her stomach and farts. Her face is sour as she holds her ass. "Cydney go to the bathroom." says Sam cooking in the kitchen. "I feel like I gotta shit endlessly." with her hands behind her back, she races upstairs. "I fucking hate her." she takes the food off the skillet and on to a plate.
He passes the plates to his 8 children and me at the north end of the table. He puts it down slowly. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I do drugs sometimes, Asprins." On the plate is a very lovely delicious Hotteok. Sweet pancakes. "How did you make it? It's suppose to have filling." I tell him.
"Meat." he says. "I love meat filling, onions, chilli spice, and tomato. I learned to cook because I was a slave and cydney put shit on the grill." he looks at his shoes. "I hate her... I cleaned the grill so there's nothing wrong with the pancakes."
"You know what you should do daddy. Put noodles in the Hotteok." suggests Cassidy. "Spaghetti." he declares. "No pumpkin, Farrah is allergic."
"I like chewing on the pumpkin seeds." says Nyama.
"Next time." he comes to my chair and kisses my forehead." Now about that baby." he smirks