I'm kidnapped into the police station where bodies are lied about. One corpse moves involuntarily. In the control room, I learned that one time when I got arrested for drinking blood near a kindergarten.
The people from Under are gathered in the station. There's a large figure of a man with this discolored brown-green skin. "Ma'am!"
They turn around and their face changes for a moment. "Hi Cece!"
"Tori?" she is nasty looking. Her nose is long, her hair is purely forehead and lips chapped and broken. Tori looks like shit. "I finally got a hold of you."
"Tori, why the fuck do you look like that!"
"I've been drinking." her voice hoarse and sounds like she's full of mucus. "I took over the whole station. Well," she puts her finger to her lip. "I was raised here. Ever since you got kicked out the house."
"How the fuck do we stay on this shit about what I did?" I hate her. "July beat you up and Mokiri! Shit, we thought you was dead!"
"I'm not dead." she rolls her eyes, and they get stuck like that. "I've been here. And finally," she squeezes her hands. "God I fucking hate you!"
"Amen..." I couldn't care less. The room is trash, desk thrown, broke computers, and is that a man crucified on the wall. "I been sucking off the police, Cece! I knew they could help me!"
"What are you talking--"
"Listen!" Heckle squeezes me. "I went to the popo!" she throws her arms up. "The popo lives here and they let me in. But then I found love." she lowers her arms. "Tori what in the shit!"
"Shut the fuck up!" she screeches. "I live here! This is my house and I'll kick you out just like I did before!"
"You got kicked out the house you stupid fat stanking--" This girl has me so pissed I start moving my legs like I can just run and hit her. "You will finally take the blame! FINALLY!" she stomps. "This is the judgement room! Mama told me, everything is your fault!"
What in God's name. "You started it!" she thrust her hand out. Why am I just realizing her whole right hand is gone?
"You did it!" she yells. "You got raped!"
"I never got--"
"You did!" she swallows. "You did it! You got raped and beat up!" she starts stomping in a circle. "You liked Vijay!"
I look to the ceiling. Vijay? Vijay...
"Tori you are high as yell..."
"I AM!" she shouts. "But that's how you get the truth. That's what mama told me."
"Ok..."
"I live here." she stands. "Ok. I apologize..." Fuck her. She points at the ground, "And they will get the truth out of you. You killed Mr. Ingram."
"What?"
"You remember, he was in the back of the room--"
"And you ran out the store--"
"LET ME FUCKING FINISH BITCH!" she coughs. "Heckle!" she orders. "Rape her! Rape her so she knows the truth!"
"I will..." the man snarls and start humping me. This is odd. I have to keep myself aware and there is no bulge. Another vision passes my eyes.
I feel like I've seen this woman before. She has long hair and a triangle face. I can't call her name.
She has a blade and... is that Heckle. He's holding his crouch and Tori is in a alley with her pants pulled off.
I am disgusted. I am disgusted with seeing this, I don't give a fuck either way. I hate so much I don't care! "So, you got molested and you wish bad things on me?" I sneer. "YES! I FUCKING HATE YOU!" she repeats over and over. "YOU NEVER GET TROUBLE FOR ANYTHING, SHE BEAT ME, YOU BEAT ME, HE BEAT ME--I'm SICK OF IT!" she holds the sides of her head.
"Ok..." Heckle chokes me. "Fuck you to..." I grunt through clench teeth. "How does it feel! To get your insidie parts poked!"
He is not in and lacking testicles. What if I fake it? She obviously needs therapy. "Oh no! Please, Tori, for the love of God--AAAHHHHH!"
"Take it bitch!" Heckle grinds his missing dick; I have no idea what's behind me but I am uncomforable. Is it the zipper? Wait... oh, it was a thought. He must miss it.
"Stop changing your name!" she points with the limb. "My name is Katelyn." I am calm. She's too stupid. "THAT'S IT!" she screams. "TAKE HER TO THE CELLS!" she directs to the jail cells. Heckle grabs my throat and hoist me there. "You will take the blame."
And I'm in my head like, no the fuck I won't. I get to the jail cells by no movement of my own. All the cells open and he throws me in a cell that's in the middle.
"Stay in there an suffer!"
"Black on black crime must end." I sit up. The cell shuts and honestly I'm happy. I get up and go to the bars. "Bring me some potato chips!"
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Day 1
I have no cellmate. Which is a good thing. I kind of feel like Eminem when he was dissing his mama in that music video but alas I have no closet in this cell. I have a toilet. Which is a great thing. I haven't used it yet but I think of him as a friend.
I should name him but that would be strange.
All these letters cannot be sent off because it's all in my head. I wish could write on real paper. Real niggas use toilet paper and if I use it I will surely give to Tori.
She might lick it.
P.S: There is no P. S because this is in my head.
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Day 2
I peed today and I had toilet paper. I wish I had a cellmate, somebody to share my thought with. I've been having weird thoughts. I thought about lemonade today and asked what was its aid.
Today I aslo thought about liquor. I took my ass to the bar when I should have been in therapy.
Oh my God, jail actually works.
The whole function is to teach you a lesson. This isn't the life I wanted for my children and my grandchildren. My children have nothing to do with it. The thought of being a grandma at any age is crazy to me.
Why don't old people go to jail? I just had a thought and Davea went to jail after she went on a date with Mr. Ingram.
Oh my God...
I didn't... I didn't see Mr. Ingram in the store.
Grandma went to jail, they said she killed him.
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Day 3
I think things move in this room. I just remembered that I asked for some goddamn potato chips and I haven't gotten any chips. I think I asked for too much.
On a serious note. I stopped having vision and I've seriously been hoping to see one help me escape.
I have been thinking about my childhood and I've come to realize that Tori is a bigger pain in my pussy then ever before.
One time, I got picked up from school. I tried out for cheerleading, I made it but Tori put on my uniform and I had to get another because she tore the skirt.
I hate her.
I did get another one. She wore my uniform for three days and went next door to man's house when we lived in a apartment. I can't remember the whole thing, but she actually knocked on other people's door a lot, and we got evicted.
When think about it deeply. I think I met Tori's dad one time, and he hates her. He was cocaine and Tori wiped some on her nose to be funny and kept getting in my face about, so I threw the phone at her, and she ripped the cord out the wall saying she would choke me.
I did throw the phone and I shouldn't have, but she literally ripped out the fucking wall.
Why am I in jail?
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Day 4
I am Alexis B. Kelly. But my whole name is literally Cedrica A. Harper and I have come to trouble realization that I've kept inside my squishy parts for a long time.
I hate my father!
My mother died from a heart attack. The last time I saw my mom, she was smoking on the couch, I was about 3.
My mom wasn't that bad. We did move a lot, I think she was trying to get away from my dad.
I remember when my father sat on the bed, and he said, when he dies I was going to die and my mama yelled something. Actually I think it was just me, mama, and grandma.
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Day 5
I was given a plate of gummy worms and mashed potatoes. I asked for chips days ago. I hate the service, but the bed is squeaky, and I've gotten to saying my ABCs to it.
Like every time it squeaks I just start rehearing the alphabet.
Tori said she was raped and maybe that's why I don't remember. Because, if she got raped, wouldn't see be in my house and the police would have been by?
I even said that it was just me, mama, and granny in a apartment
Now I'm asking, who is Torielle?
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Day 6
I keep thinking that Torielle isn't related to me. I have attempted to meditate.
It took a while, but I sat still and closed my eyes. I heard nothing in the cells but my own breath.
I started with the thought of a green tree and kept thinking about a green tree.
I don't know why I pictured a tree but things started to form around that tree. That tree had butterflies and clouds and a butterfly went to the cloud and came back.
I was so into my tree and ground started to be ugly. The roots lifted out the earth, but it still had butteries and I saw a shadow of a woman with wings that came behind the tree and suddenly, a body fell out the tree.
I opened my eyes and I was breathing heavy.
I haven't thought about Christmas in a long time. Wixuc is dead...
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Day 7
I haven't even contemplated the thought, but I miss that church. I miss Clayton.
I started smiling about it. Clayton wasn't bad. We just had a kiss though because he said he had kissed anybody so one day, we went behind the tree in the yard and I gave him a kiss.
That was it. We didn't even talk about it. He told me he had a cousin and I think it was Janna and I haven't, once again, thought about the church.
I miss them. Like... what's her name? Karolina! She was fun and... and... that face. Was it Karolina? Heckle...
My head hurts...
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Day 8
We had pumpkin pie at the church once. It was Jessie's birthday and he kept talking about pumpkin. Wixuc said he hadn't pumpkin pie in years.
Oh and papa Ferness. My eyes got watery. I kept that out of me. Ferness...
I can't breathe...