"Do you remember Thankful? Shikki was in the room."
My jaw hurts, that liquor got me twitchin'. If I bend a muscle, I'll break. "Thankful got kidnapped just a few days before her daddy threatened to go back to Mexico. Magna was Thankful's crush and you liked July."
"You still using baby names." says Aril. "I don't remember who those boys were. But Shikki was in it."
"I'm just letting you have your way…" he shakes his head. "Again and again until we fall out."
I want to get out this cabin. "she's learning how to speak… let's let her rest."
"I like doing it…" Chloswintha states. "Get I crack the bottle over her head."
"You just got done calling the bitch best friend!" Aril yells. "You crazy and a squinty eyed chink!" he jabs. "I'm Japanese…" she corrects. "I'm sorry, did they name you pearl?"
Chloswintha grins, "wow…" she looks at me. "Daddy isn't mayor anymore."
My shoulders split as I rise my shoulders. "I know… how did your father know?"
"Some people truly still think Yawa was Aleigha's brother. Not only did he have dirt on the mayor. But he had dirt on the family and daddy wants to know why."
How could anything offer the truth through this? What does torturing kids have to do with it? "I can hear her." she says.
"Wallie… I'm adopted by this fucking family. Swan--you pick the stupidest names."
"I hate my name!"
"Why not fucking Chloe!" Aril rises his hand. She rises the bottle in defense. "I'll hit you again!"
"I don't give a fuck! Yo ass is stupid. Got a whole fucked up alphabet for a name!"
"Nigga, fuck you!" Aril smacks her across the cheek. He grips her hair and drags her over to me. "Eat her!"
"Bitch, let me go!"
"Eat her Wallie! Eat her, so you can human!"
"Crazy ass fucking nigga!"
"Eat her! You a dog ain't ya? Or you can be my girlfriend." Aril pushes Chloswintha to the ground. "Don't nobody remember. You don't remember our bond? Huh, baby?"
What bond?
"Goddamn it, he has multiple fucking souls. He's talkin' out his ass!"
"Shut up white bitch!"
"Nigger with teeth!"
"Name brand! The symbol of yo people!"
Aril snaps to me, "Listen," he holds the arm rest. "Imma get you pregnant. Or…" his smile is wide. "Zoey can come be our daughter. Right, I got the whole thing planned." he begins to whisper. Aril puts his forehead against mine. "I'm just excited about it. I put my new dick inside you, kill the little bitch, find Aleigha's grave, his house, fuck the hospital. We could be king and queen. I'd give you your own coven… baby we could really make it out the hood." he flexes his eyebrows. "How about it? I know you'll say yes, after I teach you talk to me better."
"Oh fucks sake!"
"Shut up white hoe!"
A witch?
.
.
.
I have to be conscious.
I've looked at the wall, I looked at the ceiling. This cabin is dark but I know that it is made out of wood. I know the cabin used to have a chimney. It's a patch in the roof.
I learned that sink in the cabin is not connected to anything. I might be by water, like a waterfall. I also know I'm really going through it because I heard abird and I was like… trying to get out to see the bird as if I had never seen a bird before.
Is this the afterlife?
I have to be conscious. I… had sex with my cousin. Like legitimate sex
He took uncle's stash of roofies and I don't I might be a rapist but he said I could. That nigga is strange.
So, Keku was taking roofies. He said it was because he couldn't sleep. So, one day. Aunt and uncle had a fight and uncle raped Okra in kitchen because he was so mad. So Keku looks at me after he took a roofie and told me to sit on his face.
I didn't think anything of it. I sat on his face and he starts biting--nibbling between my pants. I shot up and he hits my thighs to quiet down.
He told me…
I forgot about all that. I need to be drunk… who is Okra? Wait… something about crocodile… crocodile.
She… I can't remember.
She…
She…
She had a tattoo on her arm. I stare at myself in the mirror again. I think we lived next door to Asians?
I scratched the walls. I hated me. I scratched my mother…
Ubayd…
What was I thinking of?
.
.
.
I don't know.
I saw a new face today. She was dressed like a nun and glasses and an over bite. She first knocked on the door and came into the cabin with a flashlight. I look horrid.
My hair is falling out, my teeth overgrown, my face feels tight. I can't move. "Well hello." I didn't know there was a lamp in the room. She lit a match and like God said. And then there was light.
This nun, who introduced herself as Ingegerd. I had to be patience with myself. INN-JAY-GRR or something. I was scared. "My name is sister Ingegerd. I'm Sister Chloswintha's cousin and I'll be here handling your therapy before we go to the hospital."
Lord.
"First, what is your name?"
Fuck that. I just moan. "Alright, did you forget?"
Yes. "Ok… so, I have a name for you and you'll with the Sister of the Soon." she digs in a pocket. "I have a few suggestions for your christening. Uh," she read a folded up paper. "Charlemagne."
I stay silent. "Ok, next one. Uh, Hishep-Ratep. It's got little Egyptian lingo in it. Do you hear it?"
LORD! "I like it… personality. Number three," she stares at the paper keenly. "Garsenda?"
I cannot. "Not that one either. I like this one too, Thudhamma Muhammad." My jaw slacks. "No?"
Whaat.
"Alright, alright. This is for the baptism, to say you walk away from sin and you starting a new life. Yada yada, so how about Emilienne?"
I continue to stare at her. "Where is the other list?" she searches her other clothes. She finds it, in back of her hood. "Lukarta? Halaevalu--I can't even pronounce that." Ironic. "Zalaka, Marie Jeanne Wimala; that's a whole name--do some of these have last names?" she squints. "Hold on, why did she write so small?" she grumbles.
I look at the floor. "How about Rosamund or He Reti?"
I toss my head to the side. "Ok, go left for Rosamund and right for He Reti."
I throw my head to the left. "Alright. This was not as hard as I thought. So next, we have to pray. You know how to pray with a weed stick, right?"
I just nod. "Good. So, uh, the prayer. We kind of just rearrange shit. So, first, uh…"
Stupid white fuckin--
"I wrote it down…"
LORD!
She looks in her flat shoes and unrolls a piece of paper. I bet there is one in her ass.
"I should have done like Kutlik-Matlat wrote it on me, he's a pastor! He's arab. You're arab!" she points
I'm a nigga in distress. She reads the damn note, "Don't reveal the secret of another, lest he who hears it. This means, like, don't tell people about your friends who are friends of another." she explains. She starts mumbling. "Don't reveal… yada yada… oh I miss something…"
I growl. She's at me. "Here it is, Slander goes about gossip. So, like, you don't wanna, like, destroy names you don't know."
I'm just here to be a friend. To listen. Nobody asked for advice, they tell me and do they own thing. "So…"
Oh my God.
"You are scheduled for a baptism and Growden promoted this large new religion. I can't remember my uncle name but like," SHUT THE FUCK UP! "We in this family enough baths. We pray in the tub, underwater. Uh, we take other religions into our own. We believe the blood of Jesus is real and the same as the grail. Like, great great great--I forgot… well, anyway, he told that Jesus walked with a grail."
He did not.
"And as he held this grail. It was symbol of his sins. So he traveled to take the grail up a mountain and he left it there." she goes on. "Like…" STOP! "He left it there and asked God to take the grail so he wouldn't drink no more. And God saw the grail and told him to bring him another sin."
God… that's not even a thing. "So… Jesus went and got another sin, and it was a woman. He brought the woman to the mountain. And God said take her back because she wasn't clean and Jesus took her down the mountain and wash with her. So, she was clean!"
I narrow my eyes. "The woman told Jesus, I can't go back to the mountain and Jesus asked why. She said because because she didn't wash. And Jesus didn't understand. Again, the woman told Jesus, if you take me back to the mountain, God will surely end me."
That's… that's not the bible…