At the plantation of Humblewood that sat on a plateau. There were vamp children playing in the yard. Somebody was already mowing the lawn.
We got off the bus and were escorted to the front door of the brown chateau. I held Zoey's hand going through the house.
Two large sets of stairs spiraling to the next floor. A maid sweeping the floors and a butler passing by. There are numerous vamps and a werewolf in the study to the right. We go down the walkway, under the second level and told to go into a room on the right.
There was a white screen up and I told Zoey to sit in the back with me. "But I wanna see the movie…"
"We may not watch a movie. Plus, what if you need the bathroom?"
"Ok…" she complained. Once all the residents sat down a main in a black and white uniform came in the room. Her hair styled in a bun with a bow in the back. "Good afternoon, vampires, fairies, witches, and the rest. My name is Shimoda Clarkin."
"She Asian?" Zoey picks her lip. I slap her knee. "I'm so happy so many made it to Humblewood." her smile is so bright and welcoming. "I hope you got a glimpse at the residents already here. It is a very loving community and we get drunk on Wednesday."
Huh?
"We have a bath like many of the plantations. You can take one freely here." she bows. "No one dies here. We have a phoenix, Mayabram. She or he is not the devil. You will be asked to give thanks. If you ever need help, just ask."
I'm unconformable with a strong urge to pee… I won't ask. It'll be over soon.
"Today, we will be watching one of the homeowners favorite Abner episodes. Please be quiet at this time, afterward, you will all be given a room and stay there until dinner. There a phones so you can call and a number to your room that you can share."
"That's wonderful." somebody says.
"we have a uniform that everyone is required to wear. Children are kept on the bottom floor even if they are with a parent or sibling. Misbehavior is a strike."
I grip Zoey.
"We'll also give you a menu after your first meal. We usually eat on a Monday but not Saturday or Sunday which is left for fasting. You will not be given any blood or bone. We pray during fastening and--"
Zoey taps me and hands me a stack of paper. I pass it along and look at what was given to me. It's a calendar. "Please mark today's date so you keep track of your days." instructs Shimoda.
"What's today?" asks Zoey. I shrug.
"You will be required to drink and work." she starts clapping, "You also get a watch!"
A butler passes a big blue bag down the row. We all get a watch out the bag. There's a apple in the middle and designed with gold rocks. At the top of the face, it says, 'Death' with a timer under it doing down
YEARS: 17: MONTHS 12: DAYS 31
I won't ask.
"Next, my friend, Rubisha will play the movie." Shimoda walks off. A black maid comes with thicker hips and scars on her face. "Are you ready for Abner?"
Stop smiling.
"Shimoda forgot to mention that we always watch Abner as family." I'm adopted. "Please pay attention." The white screen lights up.
[Abner and friends theme song] He's yellow! A sinner before the lord! But he's got a heart of gold and knows what for! He's a yellow cow and the holiest thing of all! It's Abner, The Golden Cow and his friends. Lora the Sister, and she reads the bible.
[Lora] Always know your verses.
They have a fucking woman with a snake head wearing a nun outfit and nobody is saying shit. Like on tv, she's moving her snake lips but there is no sound except for the children singing the damn song in the background-- they are literally in the background crying and there is a fairy made out of bones!
And Prophet Asher with his Tablet.
[Asher] I carry the laws.
And we can't forget the biggest one of all,
[Takoah] Chickens are much smarter than they look
And fucking deadly! I cover Zoey's eyes as the chicken shows up with human feet at the bottom of it's chicken body, chicken tongue just hanging out. A child was beat in the foreground about two lyrics back.
And the chicken has a knife!
It's Abner and Friends!
I cannot let Zoey see this.
So the show starts with with a man in rags, a woman with a gown and apron and the third guest is a whole camal in a chair.
"Praise God, we still here another day."
The woman pisses me off and for a mintue I think I peed on myself. She has to take out one of those voice boxes and says she's pregnant.
So the man sitting across from her asks do you want me to take care of it? And the lady, who's name shows up on screen is Malina.
Malina starts crying and yelling that she hates it there and promptly a bullet comes flying through and she fall out her seat and replaced by a woman with big breast and she pulls out a newspaper.
Her name is Sheri.
So Sheri starts talking about a festival that supposed to be in town, plus Jesus himself is supposed to be there. The man, Rodger says he doesn't wanna see Jesus. So Sheri asks why, and Rodger says, I still owe him three pieces of gold and he starts looking at the TV with a snark and a small laugh track plays.
So out of no where, Sheri slams her hand on the table and tells the camel to get up. The camel ends up crashing the lamp that is a large spotlight on the table. Not to mention, this camel stood up, and it's arms immediately became human arms. You hear him say, 'Praise God in a gurled voice before walking off screen and Sheri is clearly scared.
"Praise God of all Colors." says Rodger.
So the show continues and what we get is a poorly made animation of crudely drawn camel on two legs constantly looking at the viewer and Sheri is walking beside him. She sliding crayon drawn sand whilst having the animation of using her two fucking feet.
A jumpcut happens, this is the town of Muzgh. Suddenly it changes to two puppets. One if a muppet of a black child with a round nose and brown eyes. She's literally bald and made with bags under her eyes next you the camel that is a real camel fighting to fucking leave.
This camel is scared!
So the puppet of Sheri starts…
[Sheri]: Boy, I sure am tired from all that walking Naqbi
[Naqbi] next time we should take a short cut
This is just ugly! They just now tell us the camel is Naqbi and Naqbi has a sloppy ass voice over. You can clearly see the hand under the puppet.
"Let's go see Jesus!" cheers Sheri. So now we have a scene where somebody has a camera and you get to see this hijab on the ground and sand just covers it gradually. We keep looking at sand until the camera comes up to the sun but for like a hot minute somebody is literally getting hung and beat like a pinata.
Which is ironic because, it's supposed to be portraying like a crowd of people at this concrete or other and there is a Mexican with a sombrero.
So Sheri, the fucking puppet asks this Arab who is very pretty and dark skin.
[Sheri]: Have you seen jesus?
This arab is named Nusrat.
[Nusrat]: I did
And the rest of the dialogue is missing. You hear the background, somebody is urging for the audio to be fixed meanwhile. A lovely, well groomed black man just stands in front of the camera with red eyes.
I cannot fathom what he's saying but he's good looking. Then somebody tries to fucking stab him and the audio comes back on. I do not know the language and the power of word is spoken and the stabber burst into flames. The handsome black man doesn't have red eyes; instead beams of light shine into the camera.
Zoey falls into my lap.