I took my medicine today which I never do. I've been going to the bathroom to vomit, going back to my room, I feel like shit like my stomach is trying to come out.
New symptom, my muscles or my blood are twitching. It feels like pins and needles and I'm hearing shit like a glass tapping.
I have to get up again for the fifth time to go to the bathroom. This time I'm sitting on the toilet holding my stomach and whining. "Lord."
I have eye drops, nose spray, and I took one of my regular pills. The pain in my stomach is like being stabbed in the belly button.
I'm praying I just have to shit.
Hot and cold wave over me, my vision hazy. I can't breathe. My legs are starting to go numb sitting down.
I'm so happy when gas comes out of me and now I have my back to the toilet seat. I'm about to cry.
I'm leaning back and forth, almost ready to fall. I feel something wet drip from under me, by the grace of God or spirit, it's just diarrhea.
The dull sensation in my belly button dismisses slowly. Now I have to vomit…
I flush the toilet and go through another round of dying. This is now a fear. Didn't Elvis die on the toilet?
I'm not going out this bitch on the toilet. I have to get out of this backroom. Let me be free LORD. I'm not gonna die in here!
I flushed a total of seven times. I get off the toilet and take my pants off. I wobble to the tub and sit on the wall . Reaching over to turn on hot and cold, grabbing a washcloth, and swinging my legs over to the water.
I have got to wash my ass.
I'm still hearing that tapping in my ears. When I was little I remember a story about a mermaid. I used to watch Courage the Cowardly and I loved that one episode with the sea witch or whatever. I started thinking, what if she grabs me out the bath?
Torielle thought I was stupid but she had a fear of caterpillars so fuck her. After washing up, I leave the bathroom naked and get some clothes. I'm drained of energy and barely made it out alive. My stomach is loud and I feel I'm about to fall. I got a pair of purple stripe pants, Calvert got me these. And a purple sleeveless shirt, Cents got that for me.
I whine about how broke I am. I may not speak to my aunt a lot but she said I was just like my mama.
I never knew my mother, at this point. My relationship in my head, is me finding her and walking off the porch.
I know she was a witch, that's what auntie said. So me and Calvert relate on that level. I haven't spoken to cents and I don't want to, hopefully he takes the hint.
Unlike Cal, he doesn't have my cell mainly because Cal bought me the damn phone and pays the bill. I'm so lucky.
I should let him hit, I let Cents get it… virtually. Cal is like 21, but Cents… he told me 32. I don't mind older men, I thought I'd be blessed like… he knows what he doing but I HATE HIM.
I go in the kitchen and make a sandwich. I take out the hotdogs and relish from the fridge, I place the pan on the stove and turn the heat on 4. Lay down some oil and turn down the heat.
I unpack the hotdogs and pull out three. I cut one in half and do the rest the same. I put the halves in the pan and get my bread ready.
On one slice of bread I put relish, I don't have blood.
'Tryin'
What was that? I look behind me and go out the kitchen. Is somebody outside my door? The largest window next to the door, I jump back. "NIGGA!
It's the zombie from the trashcan, I go to the window and smack it. "GET OFF MY GLASS!"
He tilts his head. "What the fuck?" He groans, I go back and check my hotdogs. I flip them over and put the bread in the toaster, that Cal bought me, I take the hotdogs off the pan when the toast comes up. I just lay them on the counter.
"Tryin"
"Shut the fuck up!" My house smells like hot ass relish. What is felish made out of? Putting the halves of hotdog on the bread and the other on top. I put it in a white bowl and sit in the livingroom. Cal bought me the sofa. It's a pretty sofa, pure white.
He's dumb but he has money. I shouldn't be with a nigga for benefit, should I? It keeps my ass off the streets.
I thought about doing what Cooly does but… I don't know. Apparently, that's what my mom used to do? Full time.
Sometimes I wonder but I also hate her, she's in my ear a lot from somebody's else's mouth.
Fuck the thought.
My tv screen is watching a zombie. I don't have a remote. My stomach feels full, even though I keep eating burnt shit. If I die I'm just gonna rise again.
That's handy trick I can do. Not die, so then the question of a STD is like… you could live it through but I'd rather not. I'm 19 years old. I could go years with an STD. That's a cool thought.
The longest living hoe. I could be a hoe, with an STD that never dies maybe married to a gangsta or something. What about vampire Kings, they like hoes right?
In movies Vampires have Harems. I could be the main bitch. What about Calvert? His mom is a witch, we could make our own coven. But I don't know anything about that--WAIT, Rhad. Even though I don't talk to him anymore.
I'm really an orphan.
I had Torielle around, I don't know where she is.
I finish my sandwich and ask the zombie if the date was nice, He opens his mouth. "Not on the first date." I wash the dishes and go to bed. I look back to see the zombie falling off the window.