I hate this fucking tv show and every once in a while you see like a camera in the background. I start hitting my knees, just making my legs go back and forth.
Like I'm really horny.
So Abner and Jidebah walk hand in hand and Abner is talking to her and you can hear this low tone. Abner said to Jidebah, that he ate her husband. She says she wants to leave. But then Abner tells her, that he created her. Jidebah asks where is her body and I have had enough of this shit.
What I understand is that Abner is in a basement and people are going through some crazy rituals.
So now we have a background of a livingroom. We jumped from a valley to a livingroom inside a house.
We see a rat with human hands drawing and he looks at the screen. Opens his muppet mouth, "I like drawing!" and goes back to drawing. "Abner is way better then God. He made it so that I can have hands. When I get hands, I'll be able to marry Abiel." He looks at the camera again. "If I can't marry her, I already have a body prepared. Her soul will be with me forever." he smiles.
Then you hear this weak, brittle voice, asks the rat what he's drawing. He looks at the screen, "I can predict the future." He shows this picture of Abner and Jidebah with hearts above their heads. "We're going to church!"
And he starts drawing on another sheet of paper. "I wish I was Moses…"
And I'm like why.
So the fucked up thing happens where the rat goes to the "front door" of the house to greet Abner about his long journey.
The rat's name is Elnaam.
[Elnaam] Welcome back sweet lord!
[Abner] Thank you Elnaam.
And see that Jidebah is pregnant like she is eight to nine months pregnant.
[Jidebah] We made it back just in time.
Why.
[Abner] Soon we'll have a baby. Whether or not God is proud of me.
[Jidebah] The lord be damn. Damn him for damning you. Fuck him.
I'm about to faint.
[Elnaam] Oh sweet God that is a Cow. Can you give me your first born?
[Abner] NO!
And then he squashes the rat and these niggas literally have an argument like two thugs over a duffle bag of money.
[Elnaam] What the fuck you do that for?
[Abner] What the fuck happened to the last bitch I gave you?
[Elnaam] She died nigga!
[Abner] Now you want me to give you another hand out?
[Elnaam] Well I'm not finna ask Johnny and this tv shit only saving half of me
[Abner] You lucky as hell I give you what I give you
[Elnaam] I'm sorry
[Jidebah] I'm so sick of getting pregnant by a nigga with a Cow's body
[Elnaam] Well shit I gave him my soul and Johnny turned me into a rat. I look way nastier than this
[Jidebah] Bitch I don't even believe in God
Abner smacks her in the back of her head so damn hard she falls.
[Abner] Say thank you.
She's crying and choking on her words.
[Jidebah] Why the fuck you do that!
[Abner] Don't you know my real name?
[Jidebah] Why the fuck that matters?
So he stomps her to death and a jolt goes up my spine. Her fucking jaw is broke, Abner is wearing stilettos. The screen focuses on Jidebah's heels in her cheek. There is a lot of commotion in the background.
[Abner] Go get the fucking stretcher!
[somebody] You killed her again!
[Abner] And! Everytime one of you fucking hoes don't listen, you gotta die!
[Somebody] I hate it here!
[Somebody] Fucking vampires, y'all psychotic!
[Abner] Bitch don't fucking bad mouth me! I gave you what the fuck you wanted, didn't I?
There's a loud crash. A scream and Jidebah's eyes roll over to the side.
"My name is Shawnta…" the screen glitches out and all there is in place is a skeleton.
"What the great fuck was that!"
Ms. Simpson comes from god knows where. She claps her hands, "Who likes that episode of Abner!"
"Nobody!"
"That's right! This was one of his favorite episodes. When Noboedy was elevan he wanted a mangle. And as all of you should know, King Trauma was known for his mocking angels which why God killed him."
"I hate that mean ol' God." growls a child with black eyes. "Miss Simpson, why is God so hateful?"
"Well," she puts her hands on her hips. "God is a conscious being but it might because he's just a soul in the air."
"He's a soul in the air."
"He came in the body of Jesus but Jesus didn't want him and set himself on fire. So God's soul got hot and he could never find a body again."
"So he the devil?" sounds another child. "He's in Hell."
"That's right Andres. And he's jealous of the vampires."
"The obayifo! Yells a little girl. "Actually Kira."
What in the shit!
"Ok, everyone get off to bed now."
NO!
.
.
.
I got in my hammock. One of the watchers came from downstairs and look at every vamp sleeping. I got under my blanket and held my breath.
Nigga I'm already dead.
I heard them slobber and knock into shit. I wanted to look but I knew better
The next morning, I woke up and two people were having sex. I'd be lying if I said I didn't look for a few seconds too long. She was throwing that ass back.
Eventually I had eight minutes to induce an erection. An echo came into the room and beat them to separate.
He told everybody to stop jacking off and go eat breakfast.
We sat at the table and that watcher from the bus sat next to me. He turned his black eyes on me. "Did you jack off?" asks Rank. "I had a painful experience last night."
"I hate that episode." grunts Curtis. "I came. So my blankets is crusty."
"Abner wants us to know that self pleasure is nothing to be ashamed off."
"I'm ashamed…" I mutter. I'm very ashamed.
A'Nere taps me on my arm. "You should never be ashamed. Abner says the great Goddess likes it. And if we please the great goddess, she'll give birth to all of us again."
"Stop talking to me…"
He squints, "I know you went outside. You buried him."
"Be quiet."
"His body is full of lean, he isn't coming back."
"I made it back!" There, that's the contradiction. "Crackbaby."
"Bitch ass nigga!" I could swing but I fake it. He cries, "MS. SIMPSON!"
"A'Nere! Shut up!" Ms. Simpson bellows. The zombies serve us. Today we are having green peas, dates, and peppercorn. It's like half a cup of pepper on my plate. "How am I--" I shut up immediately. I chew on the dates.
"So now what?" he looks at me. "We got two niggas in the ground. What you wanna do?"
"You asking me?"
"Nigga you took over!" he grits his teeth. "Yo brother ain't go no body."
"I… know." A'Nere sings. "But you gotta watch Abner."
"I hate Trauma. And the second worst nigga is fucking Cottonmouth." adds Rank. "They gave us a plate full of pepper."
"You taking spoons of it!" Curtis points out. "If I don't eat I'mma get another whooping. They made me eat cabbage, pinto beans, lamb's blood and ants."
"Ants?" Curtis and I sound off. "I wanna die." he scoops up a spoon of pepper. "If I don't come to dinner. I'm dead."
I smirk, "You'll show up."
"I'd rather suck my own dick."
.
.
.
We still haven't seen Dexter. I have never felt so attached like we had him. We're making chicken pies today. It's not Dexter telling me. It's Rank.
How to make a chicken pie by Rank.
Step one: You need three large bowls. It doesn't matter if you don't fill it, you need three of them
Step two: In one large bowl you add your flour and you need five cups of flour.
In another bowl you add ten add ten eggs. You are only going to use half. Now create enough space at the counter, take your four fingers and scoop up the floor to dust the counter. Take the bowl of flour and segregate the flour with your finger.
Once the flour has been segregated. You will dump the left side of the flour on the counter. SPECIALLY THE LEFT SIDE BECAUSE IT'S CLOSER.
Next you are going to shape the pile of flour into a hill like you building a sand castle.
I understand that we are making possibly, out of the pureness that hood itself could offer, a fucking chicken pot pie.
"Rank what are you telling me?"
"Shut up and listen!" Curtis brings over seven chicken legs. Rank tells me to get the bowl with the flour. I grab the bowl.
Then you take another bowl and put the flour in there. This is what he said. Curtis hands me two cans of sweetened carnation milk. Rank said this was the cream in the pie.
So the bowl with the flour, you use a whole can of carnation milk. Curtis brings out a roasting pan. After stirring the flour with the milk, you need to pour that into the pan. And I know inside my soul; down the crack of my ass, this is not chicken pot pie. Now take two eggs and crack them inside the lovely fucking pile of powder.
Mold that shit with your bare fucking hands. I'm scared. So next you make the dough, roll the dough out, cut a circle in the middle and save the outside for bread.
"I don't want to do this!"
"shut up and make the damn pie!"
So the part you saved. THIS IS WHAT HE TELLS ME! Bunch that up like paper, mold it into a ball. Take a piece of dough off the main dough. Make several balls of dough, at least thirty five pieces. Now, if this part of the pie? Yes!
Next this step 15 I think. Your filling! Get some onion power, some obay, salt and pepper.
WAIT.
Two tsps of onion powder
Two tsps of obay
Two tsps of salt
One tsp of pepper because Obay is already in it but it doesn't have enough salt.
Add milk. About half cup of milk and 1/2 chicken broth.
THIS IS WHAT HE SAID.
Stir that up. Pour into pie, add chicken legs pour any remaining filling into the pie on top of the chicken legs. Put in the oven 450 for 45 minuets to an hour.
We didn't eat.