I had to look up where this nigga lived. And people at the office can't mind they damn business. "Finally!" As soon as I walk in the door of this hilly billy establishment, a wise old black fool meets my eyes. He has some age on him and legs stretched out under the coffee table. "Where's the damn remote?"
How the fuck am I supposed to know? I don't live here. Is this the nigga daddy or some shit? "Pop, I didn't walk into the house for all that."
"Why the fuck not?" his brow crinkles. "I let you sleep with my daughter and let your musty ass live here and you think it's a goddamn problem to find my fucking remote to the goddamn fucking TV."
"I bought the damn house!" I don't know what I'm doing in this body. I need to find an extra.
"You bought the house?" He looks at the ceiling fan. He frowns, "Where the fucking remote?"
"I've been at work how am I supposed to know?"
"I bet you can find every bruise you put on my little girl." Too much information. This nigga ain't shit. "Imma go to my room." I really don't know him, so I'm not trying to send his ass to the hospital. But I could find a body in jail.
Tell him to bend over.
"It's outside." he thrust his finger behind him. Why is wearing a smirk? I go to the kitchen in the back through a threshold. The door to the backyard is next to the refrigerator. Opening the door, my lip twist.
I know it's his stuff but how bad is this nigga for him to not only scatter the backyard with his shit but also put a sign up pointing to a small blue tent that says, 'you live here'.
.
.
.
Being an obayifo is so fucking strenuous.
I have blend in with this human family until I take over a different body. I don't know what the fuck is going on.
At least my memories are coming back little by little. Chauncey is my grand uncle. He's my half brother's grandfather. That's what I was raised to call him.
I grit my teeth remembering, I GOT SHOT IN THE FUCKING HEAD. Before the massive break in, I had a set—a plethora of voodoo dolls. Like barbies or even porcelain dolls. I was practicing of holding the souls of insects before my mother let me practice holding a real soul.
Insects don't have a lot of purpose therefore the soul is nonexistent. So, you have to build a bitch, as my mama used to say. But I learned. Now the real question is why the fuck did she give me the soul of a vampire king.
It's partly an offense. Under the Church of Rosarium, it held at least thirteen Kings, prophets. Though the House of Angels versus the Church function differently, the House had an actual God while the Church is... as we say... hysterical.
If I remember correctly, they praise a fucking animal and twist the word. I could almost gag.
So far, I know, this nigga is named Ian Harding. He has a bad relationship with his father-in-law or father period. I don't know anything else, oh, that's right, he beats his wife.
I got to change a nigga's ways for the good of Africa.
I'm not sure how to handle the relationship. My mama told me to respect women but if she stupid, beat her.
I sound like such a mama's boy I don't even care.
I put on a Hawaiian shirt and pair of jogging pants. In the mirror the bitch is pretty normal looking. He has this long oblong head and lowered greek nose.
Fuck I'm ugly...
He's dark skin and has a cut across his left eye. Somebody hated this nigga, it's an ugly scratch as if somebody wanted to take out the eye.
Anyways, once dressed I head downstairs. I hear the front door open and this beautiful, thick, disaster walks through the door. Her hair is a mess, her skin is brown and glistening. A set of full lips and a pear shape.
I could sink my fangs into that ass.
"papi, estoy en casa! I went to that market place in Houston, I got you some bananas."
"no tenías que hacerlo." says the old man. This family is spanish... lord help me. "Tienes que dejar de temerle al color amarillo. Su médico dijo que algo anda mal con sus niveles de potasio." she presisited and went to the kitchen. They start whispering and I creep to the couch to hear. "¿Está en casa?"
"Llegó a casa, triste." I hear the older man. "Estoy haciendo que su trasero duerma afuera..."
I head back upstairs. Instead of being involved with the fuck they're doing I need to learn about the household. I don't know a lick of Spanish. Though my mother said it was respectful to speak another's tongue, a real nigga just don't want to do it.
Does she sleep with him? I go back into the bedroom and search the dressers. Medication, condoms, and... don't touch that. Wait... is this his room?
Why does an old man keep a damn fleshlight? It's a big pink dick motor... to the side of the dresser I see a black box that reads, '2.0 Pure Flesh by JOYES.' I pick up the box and flip it to the back.
It comes with three type of suction and one level of vibration. It also says, 'Feels real...'
He needs help. Therapeutic help.
I throw the box back in the trash. Ok, so granpa is lonely. It's another dresser, I check the one on the other side of the bed. Keys, money, and a little pale pink box with fur. I pick it up and open it to a small set of teeth. It has a piece of paper that says, 'Baby's first fangs.'
That's nice, he kept his granddaughter's teeth. Wait...
He's a vampire...
Oh, shit...
Well, new plan. What to do in a vampire's abode? Well, he might have a ritual so I can either level this nigga or build a body. He's not a Ghytto resident so he might be a fan of vamps. Tsk, he just a fanboy. These are artificial teeth.
Maybe it won't be so bad. But at least I probably get a free house to build a coven, just like last time. Too bad I don't have my fucking girl but at least I don't have a crack fiend beside me.
What the fuck did Alexis want?
I buried that bitch and she showed up at the school?
The level of confusion and moderate irritation I have. I could wear a thong to contain it.
I head downstairs, as I walk into the kitchen, the girl jumps. What the fuck? She sits close to the door and there is a baby in front of her in a highchair. Well fuck me...
"I can't ever find shit in the damn kitchen!" yells the man. "Chickie!"
"Daddy, I don't know."
He turns to me, "Where the fuck is it?"
"Where is what?"
"Your foul fucking nigga ass probably sold it!" I don't know what the fuck he wants from me but I got five fingers, well, four and a half, this nigga got half a pinky on his left hand.
"The damn pot that was on the stove."
"I never saw a pot on the stove." He's a vampire, I'm in a human body. "Chickie told me she's missin—is that my shirt?" he gawks. "Daddy, please let it go..." sighs Chickie. What the hell did he do to her?
He points at his daughter, "You see what you did? My Chickie has never acted like that. She's fucking submissive!"
"Daddy! Te estoy pidiendo, por favor, no empieces nada."
He snaps to her, his eyes ready to escape. "Cada jodida vez que vienes a mí, él cree que puede descargar su ira contigo!" he grabs the largest knife out of the dishwasher. What would this nigga do? Probably talk shit and if I leave the body, I could probably take the baby. She's so cute, with a big red bow on her bald head.
"Look, I don't know where the pot--"
"This ain't about the fucking pot!" he throws the knife at me; I dodge it and it stabs the wall. Crooked throw. "Old nigga, you need to calm down before you raise yo' blood pressure."
"I oughta suck yo' ass dry if it does!"
His fangs are numby. Just the canines. He looks like a hippo. What happened to rest of his teeth? "Chickie just fucking told me, you choked her last night in bed!"
"She told me she liked it..." I shrug. What am I supposed to do?
"Ella dijo..." he mocks. "Every fucking time you get hollared at you wanna pick on my daughter, mi princesa." he grabs a thinner knife and chunks it at me. "Do it now!"
As soon as I blink, he vanishes. "Papa!" yells Chickie, she gets up and has a wild look in her eyes. I cough and blood splatters on the floor. "Drop!" his lips are tight together.
Did this bitch just stab me?