WholeLottaCrem: What you doing?
BlackJay: In bed chillin
WholeLottaCrem: What you wearing?
BlackJay: A shirt and in my panties
WholeLottaCrem: What it feel like?
BlackJay: Don't ask me that
WholeLottaCrem: Answer
BlackJay: Say it in Spanish
WholeLottaCrem: Eres una puta estúpida
BlackJay: Imma use google translate
BlackJay: So I know you said it right
WholeLottaCrem: Why did you ask me?
BlackJay: Testing you
BlackJay: I ain't the one to be play with
BlackJay: How old are you really?
BlackJay: I'm 23
WholeLottaCrem: I got a daughter
BlackJay: You like 30 ain't you?
WholeLottaCrem: She's 9
BlackJay: What about yo baby mama?
WholeLottaCrem: She dead
BlackJay: You hate her?
WholeLottaCrem: No like... she really dead
BlackJay: Oh Im sorry
WholeLottaCrem: Is yo pussy wet?
BlackJay: no?
God, I love fucking with the stupid ones. Her name is Megisa Richardson, she lives in Pennsylvania with her sister Ariana. She can't hold down a job, she used to work at Bed Bath & Beyond, Blockbuster, and a movie theater. Her ex is Jowuan Glover and on his Facebook he has his photos private.
Thank God for magic.
Jowuan dated Tylissa Flowers and Cha'relle Willis. But Cha'relle thought or knew he was cheating and wrote on her facebook wall. 'If I ever see that nigga Jowuan again imma cut his dick off!'
Jowuan also went out with Catalina Casablancas and she told her brother who doesn't have a face, but instead has a twitter. So, Miguel was told that Jowuan gave his sister an STD. So Catalina sitting at home with a burnt pussy.
Jowuan went to college, ironically enough, he must be super smart but he has a discord. He's part of this group The Redcrawlers.
I'm so fucking bored.
But the whole thing with this group is that... they want to spread gonorrhea to people like the plague. So, what Jowuan and his group of bitches do is fuck each other, wear the same underwear—it literally says so in the server-They mail different panties to girls or to themselves and lay the panties somewhere.
I didn't report it. I thought it was fucking hilarious.
So, Jowuan loves sex, he's black and white racially. He made a Facebook post saying he wanted to fuck a tree. He made another saying he had a termite inside his dick.
I used to be a King. I sat with that terrible demon.
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Is the correct verse. He would of told us, allow love to be treasured by all, and retain the bridal bed clean, because God shall chastise the sexual acts impure and wicked.
Once you twist the word, you change the meaning. He told us this was his piece of earth and he could do whatever he wanted.
God's piece of the world fell and now we're all part of a snake's fucking hoard. It was nice when you got a bunch of free bitches to feed and fuck. But it's really too much work.
I cursed his ass out. And he threw a fucking tanturm.
Where the fuck is my remote?
WholeLottaCrem: I'm horny
BlackJay: I'm not.
WholeLottaCrem: You got kids?
BlackJay: Nah I ain't even got a job
WholeLottaCrem: What you looking for?
BlackJay: If it pays I'll do it.
WholeLottaCrem: You think you could work at a hospital?
BlackJay: I don't like nursey homes
WholeLottaCrem: It pays
BlackJay: What I gotta do?
WholeLottaCrem: It's blood related. All you have to do is get a certain number.
BlackJay: Like the black market
BlackJay: I don't like vampires
WholeLottaCrem: I can cut you a deal 😊
BlackJay: That vampire shit got niggas crazy
WholeLottaCrem: I used to fuck with them
BlackJay: And?
WholeLottaCrem: Its not as bad as you think
WholeLottaCrem: Where you live?
BlackJay: Where you live?
WholeLottaCrem: I asked first
BlackJay: I asked first that's how go karts work
WholeLottaCrem: S̶̟̝̼͑T̵̨̨̺̱̥̤̽̌Ǫ̴̢̥̰́̄͆̆͜P̷̧̻̤̞̭̏̾̕͜ ̶̢̨̧̛̬̐̄̚͝B̵̡̺̗̞̩͂̍̈́͘͠͠Ū̴̜̯̍L̴͖̿̄̾̂̃̕L̶̗̺̻̟̟̈́͂͊̉S̶̝͉̓H̶̨̲̤͕̼̀̒͒̚İ̸̠͖̭̇̚T̶͙̑̎͑͜Ţ̸͓̙̓̂͌̏͝ͅI̵̪̓̆̏͝N̷̥̙̋̄́̈̌̅ ̷̹̯͍̫̣͎͆̓͆͘͝M̶̺̉̎E̶̪͍͂͘
BlackJay: I can't read that
WholeLottaCrem: W̷̬͗h̸͔̣̝̰͑ḛ̸̻̗͚̆͜͠n̴̮̯̟͇̬̒̚ ̶͎̜̙͕̦̝́͆̓͐͝͝I̵̹̹͔̚ ̴̝̩̤͓̽̃̋̉̇̒͜f̷͈̃́̽i̶͍͖̘͑̒̏n̴̫͈̯͉͗̓͋d̵̠̹̞̠̞̔ ̶͈͉͈͚̪͙͆y̴̡̛̗͎̖͆̒ō̴̰͒̑̋̚͠ǔ̵̝̳̠̔̕ ̸̭͋͆̃i̵̖̟̽͋̽m̵͎̃ṁ̵̢̪̋̕̕͜a̸̟̜͔̕ ̶̧̞̰̻̂̋̀̓͋b̶̨͕̺̫̒̽͒̍̐̔͜͜ĩ̵̡͚͉́͐̽ț̴̦́e̶̠͝
WholeLottaCrem: S̷̳̹͑͛ủ̵̡͉̣̟̠̱̓͒͌͗͠č̶̢̠̲͍̹̄̅́̑͒k̴͈͉͎̜̉͊́̿̕ ̶̳͍̈́̿̑y̶̪͔͍͋́̓o̴̡̬͆͗ú̵̻̥̦͈̜́ ̴̡̦̱̲͙̓̇͗͊́͠d̴̢̲̻̳̙̀͆̅͆͆r̶̟͆͌̊͊̂̕y̶͙̾̇̋̕
I know she isn't going to text me back. She's just standing there... I need a bitch or something. "Chickie!" I call. I didn't lie about having a daughter, I did lie about her age.
Chickie comes down stairs. "What?" she always got a fucking attitude. "Go out and get dinner."
She sucks on her teeth. "What happened to normal food?"
"Oh yeah... and get like KFC"
She grabs her coat off the rack near the door. "Anything else?" she throws it over her shoulder. "It's not cold out."
"In case."
"I'm happy your back." I say with the biggest puppy eyes, I'm too old for this shit. "I won't be around forever. If you fuck up, that's it. That lady in there can't be my life line for long."
She exits the house and my head turns to the kitchen door. "Rebekah!"
.
.
.
"Ma'am for the last time. This Hotline is for vampire emergencies." Ian adressed firmly. "not a shopping center!"
"I was just asking if I could return the teeth I got from Low K mart.They make my gums bleed." said the woman with an unnaturally deep tone. "Sir!"
"I am a woman!" she yelled. "How you start with ma'am and end up with sir?"
"Well, I think you have a dick!" Ian argued. "This why I hate white people, y'all disrepectful as shit!"
"I'm a nigga!"
"More like nigger!"
"Fuck you hoe!" the phoneline cut. "Damn..." his coworkers looked over their shoulder. Ian rubbed his temples, his nose and cheeks. "I'm dying..." he cried.
"Man, you need a hospital." said his coworker, Gerald. "You wanna go to the strip club later on."
"Honestly, I need more than just ass." he swirled his chair into the office walkway. "They got new strippers. And a fat girl."
"I need whores..." Ian leaned back with his heads behind his head. "Suit yourself."
The phone rung, he cried softly. Ian picked up the phone reluctantly. "This is the Hotline for vampires."
"My name is Martin Avalos."
"Ok, what's your emergency?"
"I just saw somebody in a truck drag a girl and boy in ythe car."
"Do you have the license plate or other about the vehicle?"
"I swear to God, it's some Cthulhu mythos shit happening they drove off in a blue ford with a bunch of scratches on the car door."
"What did the people look like?"
"Wore black capes. Possibly goth.
"Sir that's discrimination..."
"I'm telling the truth. These emo bitches are doing it, praising Satan and sucking the devil's dick." exclaimed the individual. "I was also wondering if you could arrest my neighbor. He didn't do anything, he's a Mexican vampire."
Ian sat silent with his lips together. "Sir what is your name?"
"My name is Clyde Bell, I live on Swift Quay and St Catherine's Causeway in Houston, Texas."
"Ok, What's your neighbor's name?"
"Fucking Martin Avalos."
"One more time, what is your name?"
"I'm not important man, look, two people just got kidnap--" He pressed the red button. "Vampire Hotline, how can help you?"
"My name is Tristan Lawson." the man huffed over the phone "I've been by a vampire, with three other people."
"Sir, are you in a Hole?"
"I just escaped, please send help. I'm on 14105 Deepdene Drive."
"Sending dispatch to your location right now. Sir, please stay on the line."
"I don't know how long I was there. It's a girl back at the house on Sherbourne. I must have travelled 10 miles to find a phone..." he sounded so exhausted. "Sir, what are the names of the other captives?"
"I don't remember. A girl bit me and the other was murdered, there's a little girl in the house..." he sniveled. "Are you okay?"
"I need blood..." he breathed. "I chopped my leg off back at the house."
"Who held you captive?"
"A man..." Tristian smacked his lips. "He had like a cut under his neck and naked. His neck was like held together by snitches."
.
.
.
Ian stood by the water cooler and his nuts. He bent his head back taking a drink of water. "Ian! How's the phone line!?" blurted his co-worker, Oscar. He wore a shirt with a check marker dripping with ink. He rose his head to him, "Hey Oscar."
"Check out the new shirt! My band..."
"You have a band?"
"We are Fishing Pheobe." he winked. "We might change the name doesn't go with the checkmark." he pulled his shirt. "A rockband?"
"Christian rock. My mom is alive and she can't see but she can still hear. What do you think about the name Married for Soup?"
"For a Christian rock band."
"Yeah..."
"Terrible."
Oscar tapped his lips, "What about Great Graces?"
"Not too bad." he didn't want to have this conversation. "One more Crossroad Jesuses."
"Jesuses?"
"Yeah."
"No."
"What about Lost India?"
"Stop!" he begged. "Damn... " he looked down. "Imma keep trying."
"You can give up... any day."
"Thanks for the train of motivation, Ian. But I'm determined.
"Get off the train..."
"Goddess Hand!" Oscar shouted. "F is Faith!"
Finally, out of ear shot, Ian banged his head against the wall. The last thing he heard was Galilee Street Prophets. Ian went to bathroom, "I get paid 30 dollars an hour for being on the phone." He marched into the restroom and without thinking where he was, he jerked his pants down and held his dick. "I come to work to witness bullshit. Everybody calling the damn phone for real shit or bullshit. I don't understand..."
The cool breeze of the bathroom hit his bare ass. Moving on and pulling pants up, zipping and washing his hands. "I could get a new job... I used to work at 7/11."
He looked at his reflection. He had beautiful thick ass, sexy, latina back home. She had ass, titties the size of … well he couldn't brag about that but he often used some of the magic to fix her body. And her stupid ass would complain and dismiss the damn magic.
The mirror above the sink started to cloud. "I hate my wife. I only married so that bitch had a ticket." he ran the water again and splashed his face with the wetness. "She never does shit I tell her. And fucking cottonmouth back home should be dead," he sucked his teeth. "I got to make a call later."
He stared into the mirror and moved back, he felt faint. An image of a man with his neck bleeding. His skin black with highlights. His eyes pink but small. His lips parted showing his fangs. "What the fuck..."
The man with a giant pink afro cocked his head to the left, it twisted back to the right, "Give me... your soul..."