Arc 1: Cottonmouth King.
I can't fucking find shit in the goddamn woods. I don't even remember why I put it in the fucking woods. Shows how fucking clever I am.
I keep fucking around in the middle of the fucking night, finna end with no fucking life. It's bodies in the goddamn woods just so I can trip my ass in the fucking unknown.
Where the fuck is my damn stash!
It's not fucking over here. I could find it better if I had some fucking hands. But fuck that and fuck God! I'm out in the fucking woods looking for a fucking box my fucking ass buried. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I got my fucking hands in the fucking box and fucking tongue. I can't roll my fucking r's, God got me fucked up. This is fucking nonsense! How the fuck am I supposed to go to the fucking club and grab a fucking titty now.
Oh, fuck me, the fucking God of the fucking GHYTTO—why the fuck does it have a fucking Y.
My body bolts forward, my foot twists to the side. What the fuck did I trip over?
I look behind me and groan at a body on the dirt. No hands, no eyes, and a missing tongue. It sure is fucking difficult to fucking get up with NO FUCKING HANDS!
"Shut up!" Damn. My body shudders as a tail goes past my eyes. A fart leaves me, I should have clenched. "All that damn cursing what are you for?" the end of the thick black tail never comes.
Dios mío, se hizo más grande.
"Jose!" the snake's head speaks to me. "You dare return to the Hood after what you did?" I want to swear and curse so damn bad. "Oh..." the beast smiles. "That's right... you don't have this..." his tongue flickers mocking me. "Just to let you know, I be licking cats of every fur."
I'm disgusted.
One day, I'll learn how to say fuck you without a tongue. Put some volume in it. Cause everything, I mumble sounds like a goddamn whisper.
"Why are you on the grass?" the snake squints. "I have no feet, so it makes no sense for you to bow to me."
Oh, fuck this, fuck him, fuck everything.
"I can hear you in your head." the way his thin snake lips part showing those thin sharp needle teeth make me wanna shit. "Boy, you got a lot of nerve." he serpentines to my feet. "Could eat you right now. You work out?"
Shit. Shit like right now.
He slides over my body, what is next to me is not a reptile. He bites my ear, "this gay." he says. "what are you here for? I disowned you. You don't believe my word."
Because the word is crooked. It's built on lies. I went to fucking Alcatraz! "Nuh uh!"the beast shakes his head. "Don't start making up your own shit." his head is in front of me. He turned the uppermost of him human. "You told me... that you would give me Alcatraz. Now, let me explain. Alcatrraz is off California. Alctraz used to be a prison." he stares at me and goes on. "You said... you could put a million bodies in the dam prison. You gave me seven hundred. So, you are in debt to me." he smiles. "I'm not done. You... Jose aka Cotton Mouth, used to be my favorite then you turned into a bitch ass nigga-mexican."
What am I supposed to do. His tail comes to tap his nose. "Let me think," his tail straights like an exclaimation point. "There it is. You had a daughter, Chickie, beautiful little girl... got shot because brother, your oldest son is Tomas, he changed his name." My body relaxes against the earth.
What happened to my son?
"It's not Tomas, he was born Paleyo. So, what happened, your ungrateful fucking child stole the house in Mexico and the fat maid took over. That was fucking strange." he jabs his tail at me. "You accused me of cursing the boy. Like I took him from you. And I did nothing. See..." Asphy'hod's tail petted my face.
"If someone proclaims to be holy but does not restrict his tongue but lies to his soul, his religion is useless." his tail wraps around my throat. "So, I damn sawed your balls off." A snake shouldn't grin, all I see is a jungle of teeth.
Asphy'hod launches forward consuming my head. He swings my body in his mouth before shallowing me. It's wet! And somebody already in here—lord they eyes is open! All I can think is I don't want to touch it.
NO NO NO!
I don't know if I should say thank God or not. Asphy'hod throws me up, "What are you!"
"A God... don't you believe me?" I'm covered in slime from his throat and I touched a dead body. Hell no! He coils around me, I'm so tired of getting molested.
"The jews say Nachash. I don't like it..." he licks my cheek. "So, I named myself."
"Asbestos!" I sound like a fucking fool without a tongue! He squeezes me, for a minute my ribs crack. "I don't give a shit if you die. I tried to kill you anyway." his hold loosens. "My name is Asphy'hod and I give niggas anxiety." he states. "I use to creep in the castle. I spoke to eve!"
"Confounded!"
"You sound retarded." he bite my head and flies me into a tree. "Things they never talk about in the bible nor speculate. I fucked her!"
I'm tired of this shit. The damned thing lifts me by the back of my clothes. He put me in a tree, the branches wrap around me. "Good, now you can only listen. I just think, Abel and Cain are my kids. That bitch was naked, I went up in there." who gives a fuck--
"I DO!" he spits in my face. "It's time I take some credit! What do niggas say..." his tail taps his lips. "I nutted in that hoe. I did it! And you know what else I fucking did? Told my kids to kill Adam's sorry ass and posed as a bitch!" he enclosed the space between us. "Adam ate the fucking fruit. I got eve pregnant and told my son Cain to kill Abel. Why?" I hate his eyes... they mock diamonds but it's just hard stone, sin. "Abel was soft, I had to clean out the nest."
Why is he down here?
"Because!" my hair blows with the strength of his voice. "I laid a nest in the garden. The devil under ain't got kids... I do! With all those demons in the garden, what happened?"
"The end?"
"The fall... and all I had to do was fuck. Fucking ain't easy but I got two dicks."
What in the fuck.
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.
.
20 years later
Ian sat at the desk with a computer in front of him and a phone next to his computer. Behind him, a man with the same setup with balloons on his chair and cat ear headphones. "Ma'am, slow down. When did you see a vampire?"
The woman over the phone spoke fast. "...Lamp post on...green...big shoulders...death"
"Ma'am I can't understand you." said Ian. "My name is Stephinie!"
"Ok, ma'am when did the attack happen?"
"I live on Green Grass Avenue." stated the woman. "I saw vampires with a body bag. It's a cult."
"How many body bags?"
"13 bodies and two bags."
"Two bags?"
"I saw the body in a pair of red jeans and they were wearing a bracelet."
"Ma'am." Ian pinched his nose. "What are you calling for? This is the DOHRCC of Houston, Texas for vampire gang collection, assault, or medical help."
"I need help."
"What do you need?"
"Blood?" his eyes narrowed. His hand glided over to the phone's red button. It should have been bigger. The next call came in. "This the DOHRCC vampire claims hotline how may I help you?"
A breathy tone over the phone. "My name is Marganita Dinur and... I need help at Marigold 8980."
"What is the problem?"
"I just... a big... black guy... came through my window. I shot him but... my dad is dead."
His fingers tapped away at the keys on the computer. "Ok, Marganita, what you may have saw is a Drunken Vampire. It may not be dead as Vampires do transfer their souls into another, I need you to trap yourself where you are nowhere near the vampire."
"I don't have... a leg."
"Sending dispatch to your location."
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Police cruisers lined up at the house. A brown one-story home with a dead dog on the grass. It's side open and guts spilled out. Two officers went to the front door and two more towards the back of the house.
To the left side, a medium-sized window had been smashed in. The officers went into the unlocked home. The Two officers appeared from the backyard. "Check the bathroom, there might be more than one." They went through the home slowly.
Officer Mortensen went into the kitchen. Ordinary items, a pan on an open flame; he turned it off. The sink is running and soap on the floor. In the bathroom, ordinary, pink carpet in the bathroom and a duck on the sink.
One officer moved to a backroom; the door was cracked. A girl sat on the floor on her knees. The giant drunk was shot seven times and pair of bloody set of underwear.
"Ma'am?" the officer lowered his gun. "I'm officer Snyder. Are you ok?"
"I threw my panties at it. I don't wear pads..."
Another officer came in, "Why?"
"I thought I would find a boyfriend..."
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DOHRCC building.
Marganita sat in a holding cell swinging her legs. Officer Mortensen looked at the girl between bars. A woman came to his side, she hand him some papers. "Here, information on the girl."
Mortensen took the papers.
Name: Marganita Dinur
Date of birth: Thursday, 7th Jan 1999 (Age 23)
Nationality: American
Ethnicity: Jewish
Height: 5'4
Weight: 108
Distinguishing marks: none
Eyes: Brown
Crimes: Shoplifting, internet piracy, sexual assault, vampiric praiser
"She's a praiser?"
"She used to claim devotion to an Online King, he wasn't very big." she put her hands in her pockets. "His name was Elvis."
"Elvis is dead..."
"Same name. Different Body."
"soul?" he questioned. She looked at the roof, "Maybe, we aren't sure. Also we investigated the house."
"Find anything?"
"Yep. Four drunken vampires in the garage. She was feeding them fingers. You might wanna talk to her or call your brother." Mortensen rolled his neck, he exhaled, "I don't wanna fucking call Sherwin. He's way in Washington."
"Mortensen!" called the chief. "Get Sherwin on the phone... something big is going down."
Lester Mortensen and Sherwin Mortensen were brothers. He didn't like it... he was the brother to a conscious and everyone took it as, 'well, he's a human like the rest of us.' He was surrounded by idiots.
"Fine..."
Against all the willpower he had. Lester Mortensen called his brother. The phone rang and he thought of taking the opportunity to lie. But what good would that do him?
It picked up, "Hello?"
"Sherwin, I'm down in Houston, Texas. We have case where a girl is keeping Drunken Vampires."
"Is she drunk?" asked Sherwin. "She's on record as a praiser, she followed an internet King who called himself Elvis."
"Chauncey. He had many bodies and thought to stash Elvis body but he's rotten so plan B." Sherwin leaned in the chair. His foot hit the cast on his right leg. "We're still handing the bullshit in Virginia."
"What does Washington have to do with Virginia?"
"Well... it's near Maryland. And that's a fucking state. It takes three hours to get to Washington. Like the border is pretty close. Dumb ass."
Don't cuss him the fuck out.
"Think you can spot us?"
"I told you. We're working on a case in Virginia. One of our infamous vampire lords is back. Somebody woke his ass up and the family is gone."
Lester scratched his neck. "we have to find some graves and check for a vampire trap house in the school within the Ghytto."
"I thought y'all torn it down."
"No, we didn't asshole. The school is within a separate reality. A realm... now let me ask a question. In fact, let me bring you into my thoughts."
"Sure."
"If vampires have wings and suck blood from us. Are we closer to God or the devil?"
What kind of fucking question was that to ask? "There is no God." said Lester. "God is used to manipulate people."
"Oh?"
"I took psychology. It's a mental illness." Sherwin raised a brow and took the phone from his ear. "It works like this." Lester thought he was winning; this was his moment to get back at his brother. He knew things; he was smart. "God is a means—as the vampires say—to get what you want. The human brain is filled with greed. It's like an 18-year-old with a PlayStation, he wants every game."
"But he only has a PlayStation that plays PlayStation games..." Sherwin groaned. "Right, but he wants every game. He's addicted." said Lester with too much confidence. "Video games make you want more so technically--"
"Shut up. Shut the fuck up." the phone line beeped. 'He's just mad cause I'm right.' It was fine, he could do it himself. "No good chief... the department in Washington is flooded with conflict. Seems Chief Miller has a lot on her hands at the moment."
"Goddamn it..." Chief Sutherland crossed his arms. "Alright... I need officers with the girl. I'll call Virginia and see if they have anything with cults online."
"Won't we need a hacker?"
"We had one." He turned his back to go to his office. "Experience hasn't said anything in years."
"Something was wrong with that girl." chimed Pearlie. "She was good at what she did. But she was a little off."
"Druggie." said the victim advocate, Philomon Morris. "Bet you didn't know she used to hang with vampires." He leaned in his head. "I'm a Virginian. Some say Vamps are like hundreds of years old. I always thought she was weird bring up things like cars that drove on water. Apparently, she whined about her car Chester."
"Philomon, do you know Experience?"
"A little. I think she praised a king. Name was, uh," he snapped his fingers. "Darlene Horn."
"While we're at it. Are you saying that she immortal?" suggested Lester. "Not... maybe... I know, when I worked in Virginia that you can do little brides with Kings and they might give you something."