"Look to the sea, Kai" she whispered.

I felt like I was floating towards the casket. The room appeared dreamlike. My feet seemed to drag lightly across the carpet as I moved forward. The aisle looked to be a hundred yards when in reality it was only a few steps. The large windows flanking the right and left of the church were about to shatter as waves crashed into them from the bay. The whole room looked to be sinking, underwater. Was I dreaming? Please let me be dreaming. All our friends and family were crying and looking at me with doe-like eyes. I could not wrap my head around the scene. I mean, it was my Mom. I looked to my right and my Mormor reached out and touched my shoulder. I felt a spark shoot down my arm. She looked at me as if to tell me more than what she spoke.

"Kai" she said. "It's going to be alright."

Was it? My mother was dead. How could anything be alright anymore? Her beauty was dead with her. Her giant personality with all that was good was gone forever. My father sat at the front of the church hunched over and had not moved in over an hour. I couldn't see his face, but I could only imagine his pain equaled my own. His formal jacket was stretched thin over his massive back. My mom was his everything. When he met her in college his whole life changed. An island boy in New England. He never returned home after marrying my mom. Our summer trips down the Eastern seaboard were over. Lounging on the deck of our small sailboat as my mother hummed songs taught to her by her mother, my Mormor, would never happen again. She would sing often in Swedish, my mother, and the words that were foreign to me, would hang around in my head as if my mind was making sense of them. At times, it was as if I knew the language without ever really studying it. My mind would translate immediately though I was just dreaming it.

I looked down and my mother looked so beautiful...peaceful. I was floating above her, and our faces were close to each other. I looked to my left and the whole room was suddenly under water. My body felt weightless. I felt safe and at home in the water and now was no different. I looked back to my mom and she was smiling, eyes open, looking right at me, the way she did when she used to tuck me in at night when I was a kid. She would put her forehead to mine and tell me how much she loved me and how special I was. I felt happy, comforted. I never felt more connected to anyone like I did my mother. Suddenly, she reached out and grabbed my hands in hers.

"Kai. Look to the sea." She spoke in a whisper. I felt the words softly on my face. The ripples of the water leaving tiny bubbles on my nose. I closed my eyes and felt her hands in mine.

A sudden jolt and I sat upright in my seat. I looked around hazily and saw the packed plane. I looked out the window and could see the Big Island of Hawaii in the distance. " This is really happening."

"Did you say something?" Said my Dad.

"No" I said as I stretched out my arms over my head. "Looks like we are almost there" and pointed to the island as it filled the window.

"Son, you gonna give it a chance?" My dad had that look of concern in his eye and I just shook my head and told him I would.

The plane made a slight turn, and the entire Island of Hawaii came into focus. It was beautiful. I didn't want to like the look of it, but it was breathtaking. Mauna Kea had snow on the peak and not a cloud in the sky. I looked down and saw the town of Hilo. It looked like a giant green lawn. All I could see was green and black. The black was the beach (not what I expected for Hawaii). It seemed to take the ocean in a soft embrace over and over. The town of Hilo did not look too big and as I peered to the left and right, I didn't see much else but green. I started to wonder where everyone lived.

"Look over there" said my Dad. "That is Pahoa Town. You can't see much but your gonna love it. Everyone knows you and watches your back". My dad was pressed up against my back trying to look out the window and pointing to an area in the upper left of where I guess we were going to be living.

"Doesn't look like there is anything there." I said.

"Just wait. It reveals itself slowly." He sounded hopeful yet a little sad at the same time. I closed my eyes and could see my mother again. Floating in the water with her hair like a halo around her face. The dress she was buried in was floating out like a cloud and slowly began to form into what looked like a fish tail. All at once she looked straight at me and her tail kicked out and she swam off like a beautiful mermaid. I opened my eyes just as the plane landed in tiny Hilo Town.

The airport looked like a local convenience store in Boston. It was only big enough for three planes to dock. I laughed to myself as the airport in Boston is so large and expansive that you could explore it for days and still not see everything. This airport was very different. As I walked down the stairs to enter the terminal, I could see at the end of the runway a small group of houses behind what looked like a hill of black, solid, lava rock. I looked the other way and you could see Hilo Town. There was no much but every person in the aisles and walking down the steps had a huge grin on their face and the general disposition of pure happiness. I couldn't say I felt the same way.

I could hear the Hawaiian Music playing before I could see the band. The walk down the steps from the plane was slow moving as each person was getting lei'd. (I still laugh at that). The line of people moving to the inside of the terminal looked like a caterpillar.

"This is Hapa. Great band, son." My dad said.

I had never heard the song, but it was catchy. The words were all in Hawaiian so I didn't know what they were saying but the ukulele made a sweet sound. My dad explained that the band was made up of one Haole guy and one Hawaiian guy, hence the name. He said he liked the band because they also used a steel guitar that he enjoyed the sound of. The ukulele was very cliché but I still loved the way it filled the air.

"This song tells the story of the Big Island. I will teach you about this side of your history." He looked at me with a slight smile. I laughed out loud as my father and I didn't even look related. He was this huge man with dark skin and tattoos, and I was a tall, white kid who could tan in the summer.

"Ok, Dad." I gave him a thumbs up sign.

My father was a Kūulu. The son of a respected Chief, he ended up taking on the responsibility after his father passed due to an "incident" with his older brother Manu. He didn't talk much about his extended family and when he did it always appeared to make him sad. Not that he wasn't close with his brothers and sisters. Some visited us in Maine, and I was super close with a few of my cousins and couldn't wait to see them. However, there were other family members I had never met.

Dad was a big dude. He stood at 6'5, though he often seemed even bigger. He played college football and would have gone pro if it wasn't for my mother. He was dark complected as his lineage came from Samoa and New Zealand. He had tribal tattoos on both arms, chest, back, legs, really everywhere. His hair was cut short and was black as night. He started to get some gray hair which I loved to tease him about. My dad was a handsome dude per my mom. She used to gaze at him and sigh. I would laugh and she would ruffle my hair and always say, "I hope you are as lucky in love as I am."

Then there was me. Kaimanu Kūulu. My name was the only Hawaiian thing about me. Well, I tanned in the summer, but mostly I took after my mom. I was tall for my age, but my friends often made fun of me after seeing my dad. My muscles hadn't come in yet! I had dirty blond hair and green eyes. I was skinny and prayed that my weightlifting would help bulk me up but so far it wasn't working. There was a large Swedish community in Maine, and I fit right in. My Mormor and Morfar, my mother's parents, were very active in all things Swedish. My mom always said that embracing all parts of yourself led to a full life. We definitely engaged in my Swedish heritage, but my Hawaiian side still felt like a mystery. I always felt there was more to me and that I needed a special key to unlock my full potential.

"KEAKA!" Yelled a large woman from a few hundred yards away.

She moved quickly towards us. She was like a mountain. Long, frizzy, black hair under a wreath of flowers. She had on a dress with no sleeves that I would later learn is a Mumu. Her arms looked to be the size of trees. She reached my father and embraced him. It looked like a giant wave crashed into my dad and he welcomed it.

"Keaka! Oh, Bra! We waited one long time." She exclaimed.

"Sistah. It's been too long" He said.

"Dis mus be your haole son, Kai?" Aunty Anuhea stated. "Haole mean white. Jus so you know I mean no mess."

The mountain of a woman approached me and wrapped her tree limbs around me and gave me a kiss on each cheek.

"Uh, hi." I said and felt a little weird as I had no idea who she was but heard plenty.

"Oh, I so 'cited to have you home. The family wen work hard to get your land done. They ready to see you. Let's get your bags, 'k?" And we were quickly moved to the baggage claim area.

My Dad and Aunty Anuhea talked in a language I had heard a few times before. I had only visited my Tutu, my Dad's mom, a few times in San Diego. A few years back my Dad's three brothers were visiting from the Big Island with their families and my Dad would slip into talking pidgin with his family. I could only catch certain words or phrases. My mom would laugh and have him translate for us.

He looked so comfortable with my Aunty. He also looked just like all the other locals that were picking up family and friends. I felt out of place...like a tourist. I looked over my shoulder for the bathroom and saw her. My breath caught in my throat. She was a vision. She was wearing a tank top over a black bikini top. She had on frayed jean shorts and flip flops. Her hair was down to her waist and resembled my Aunty Anuhea's. Something made her laugh as she threw her head back. She had a beautiful sun-tanned skin almost the color of light walnut. She then started hugging a very large boy that looked a few years older. I immediately felt pissed.

"Get off her you ass wipe." I wanted to run over and punch the kid in the face but at just that moment the girl looked straight at me. She looked at me like she knew me. She smiled at me and that was it. I knew right there that I would love this Hilo girl for the rest of my life. She wrapped her arms around the boy's arm and began walking out of the building. She kept looking at me though. Oh GOD! I wanted to run over to her. Was she real? What could I do?

"Dad. I have to go to the bathroom." I said as I began to run in her direction. In that short moment I lost her. I ran towards the exit sign and jumped up to see if I could find her. She was gone. I looked left and right, and I couldn't even find the big ox that she hugged.

I turned to go back to the luggage area when she stepped right in front of me.

"Hi. I'm Leilani." She had a slight smile. Her eyes were like the deep ocean off Sears Island. Dark yet full of light. She looked around me and her smile widened and then back at me. "That your Dad?" She nodded in the direction of my Dad and Aunty Anuhea. "Are you Keaka Kūulu's son?" She looked at me like she knew me and finally had a chance to speak with me. There was no hesitation, only a confidence that comes with a girl who knows who she is.

I opened my mouth, but I couldn't seem to form any words. I just nodded. Oh, god I felt like such an ass. Here she was. I couldn't even form a word.

"Welcome home, Kai." She said and ever so lightly touched my hand. She gave another big smile and turned and almost skipped away. Her hair flowed behind her like a veil. Strands of her midnight, black, hair caught rays of sun and floated behind her as if she were in a large swimming pool skipping under water. She reached the large boy again who was now glaring at me as if to send a warning. He said something to the girl rather forcefully, yet she didn't stop smiling. She looked back at me and waved goodbye. I meant to wave back but my hand just seemed to flop. I felt paralyzed.

Suddenly I heard that voice again.

"You met Leilani." Aunty Anuhea said. "Just watch out for her braddah." I looked to my Aunty with a quizzical brow. "He one… misguided braddah. Jus stay clear till you wen get one Hui." I couldn't understand what she said but I definitely got the point. Big brother equals bad for Kai. Check.

My Dad came towards us just as my Aunty finished talking with a pushcart filled with luggage. "Ok. I got all our luggage. The rest is being shipped. Let's go!" He exclaimed and he pushed the cart towards the exit sign. I followed my dad and Aunty out the main doors as she and he spoke excitedly, quickly, and in a strange language that sounded like some form of English yet sprinkled with words I had only heard a handful of times. I knew my dad was fluent in Pidgin, but it had been a while since I listened to him speak with someone so animatedly.

We walked out into the humidity following my Aunty. Luckily, the parking lot was just across the street from the airport terminal. Aunty walked us to a large van, and we began to load it up with our eight suitcases. She talked nonstop to us both, erupting in laughter mid-sentence. I liked Aunty Anuhea. I really was going to like listening to her stories. I just needed to learn Pidgin.

We pulled out of the parking lot and drove out to Mama'aloha Highway. It wasn't a highway; it was just two lanes that ran right through Hilo town. We passed Ken's House of Pancakes on our right, "Gonna have to hit that place", and Hilo Hattie's on our left, "No need hit that place".

We drove for a while and came to a four-way stoplight. We turned left and passed a large high school.

"That's where we one registered you. That's Kea'au High Sku" my Aunty said looking at the sprawled-out school.

"That looks like a college campus" I said.

"Yeah, campus is spread out to take advantage of trade winds." Aunty Anuhea explained. "Sku's no have air conditioning like mainland. sku was built to breath." Aunty Anuhea took a deep breath in and then exhaled and gave a thunderous laugh.

I looked at the school I was going to attend and felt a little anxious. I was going to be the new guy. Worst of all I was going to be the new haole. I had heard stories of what happened to white guys in local places like Pahoa and I never thought I could possibly be one of those guys. My Dad had assured me that because of our bloodline I would be ok. I knew my cousins well and that only made me fear the first day of school more. My cousin Pono once emailed me a story of a Haole kid who was in the hospital due to a fractured skull. In Hawaii, there is an annual tradition called, "Jump a Haole Day". Local kids find one kid, usually a boy, and beat him so bad that he winds up in the hospital. I thought he was pulling my leg until I looked it up on the internet and saw it was completely true. Just one more thing to get excited about!

We drove for about thirty more minutes through mango tree farms and petrified forest. I saw a small hill ahead of me and just as we hit the top of the hill, I saw the ocean spread out as far as I could see. I could see a few houses off to the right and what looked like at least 100 people crowding towards a lava driveway. Every, single, person, looked just like my Dad. They were smiling, waving, and yelling. In a matter of seconds, I finally felt like I was home.