Zojja turned out to be far more than an outlet for kinky sex, as her mastery over Synergistics greatly accelerated the speed at which I could create advanced tech. During this time Zojja also began her apprenticeship with Tiami, a young Asura with a degenerative disease who used a golem for mobility assistance.
The poor girl hated my guts before I made a quick port back to Fireheart Rise, fought my way through the Flame Legion Stronghold for the second time, prevented the resurrection of that twat Baelfire, and had the nanohive give me back my oversized bass guitar before burying my shit all over again.
As I battled my way out of the fortress, I encountered a shirtless Charr with a big scar across his chest that I recognized from before.
"Behold, assassin!" He shouted as he raised a greatsword in each hand using his immensely grown muscles to hold them up, "I too have learned to wield greatswords with one hand. Now, for the chaos you have thrust upon the Flame Legion, give me your head!"
This dude came at me with the power of anime, as in the months since we parted his mane had grown long and spiky and the guy was legitimately fast coming at me with his swords. We exchanged a dozen blows before the Hammer of Might smashed him in the chest and sent him into a rock wall, creating a round impact crater and making the Charr cough up blood.
He pulled himself out of the crater and dragged his swords across the ground in front of him, causing them to ignite and we resumed our battle until the Sunset Greatsword pierced his belly and the Charr dropped to his knees, coughing up more blood.
"It was a cool fight." He stated before expiring.
"Fuck yeah, dude." I agreed.
After leaving the Citadel of Flame, I found the nearest Asuran Teleportation Tech and ported back to Rata Sum to put on an impromptu concert to heal a little sick girl with the power of Metal.
The twelve year old Tiami bounced around the lab dancing while Zojja looked on in shock. The Dredge were the species that had best harnessed the power of sound in this world, but nothing they had could heal people.
We ended up researching the guitar before Zojja dragged me to the peace accords being held at the Caudecus Manor, between the Humans and the Charr. We were attending because Caudecus was financing an inventor that had obviously got a hold of some of Snaff's research, something Zojja had buried under heavy classification even for Asura, let alone everyone else.
While all of Kryta had a beautiful Tuscan architecture, Minister Caudecus rubbed his villainy in our faces by living in a big old English style manor house with sloping blue tiled roofing and multicolored brickwork.
I am all for going against the grain, but how dare this bastard spit on the wholesome rustic beauty of Kryta. I'll get him for this.
Spotting Caudecus's daughter Demmi looking lonely at the party I knew just how to do it too.
"Did you just cum in me?" Demmi asked in horror, oblivious to the screaming outside that caused me to lose focus and bust a huge nut in her.
"Just think about how many wonderful years you are going to be able to enjoy with our grandkids." I told her as I started pulling on my gear.
"Oh my gods, I can't believe you just did that." she groaned while starting to look sick with worry.
"I'd apologize, but that was a damn fine wargasm." I stated, "And it would be an insult to the kid to make him or her feel like an accident. You have to be cognizant of your children's feelings, that's like a really big part of parenting."
Demmi pulled a nearby book off the shelf, opened it, puked on it, then closed it and put it back.
"It's okay, there are only like one or two days a month were I can get pregnant, so the odds are in my favor and if I never have sex again I never have to worry about some giant dickwad that can't pull out like he said he would."
"I hate to crush optimism, I really do, but my cum has been studied extensively and those swimmers don't care about cycles or any of that stuff." I said, "Once they're in you, they get the job done, even though contraceptive potions and magic or physical barriers. Zojja described them as reproductive WMD's in a recent research paper, so no need to worry about what ifs."
"You're like… someone really gorgeous who just wrecks people's lives." Demmi stated while looking at the floor.
"Thanks." I grinned before putting on my scary as fuck looking helmet, "It's always nice to hear someone as beautiful as you tell me I'm good looking."
"Please just go." Demmi begged.
"Sure thing." I laughed, "I gotta go foil your dad's villainous plans!"
"What the heck took you!" Zojja battled against the prototype golem created using Snaff's research.
I blinked behind it using the Sigil of Blades ability and started laying waste to it with my spin to win Whirling Wrath.
"I knew it!" Zojja shouted as she kicked a piece of the golem I just violently dismantled, "Someone has leaked Snaff's research and I just know exactly who did it. Come on Big Daddy, we are going back to Rata Sum and getting a containment squad out here to reclaim any Asuran Tech."
"Or we can help out and rescue the kidnapped queen that Logan just ran off after." I told the little Asura.
"Fuck Logan." Zojja spat, "If he didn't cut and run we'd have slain Kralkatorrik and Snaff would be alive."
"And Queen Jenna would be dead and Kryta would be run by Caudecus and his merry band of dickwads." I countered.
"Hey!" one of those dickwads shouted.
"Go home and stuff that White Mantel deep up your ass while you think of all your treachery and sedition!" I shouted.
"White Mantle? What's that?" the man played dumb and everyone around him looked like they weren't buying it."
"I would appreciate it if you could both stay and help in this situation." A tall Sylvari with smooth facial features like the great Groot and dark grey skin with long thin black leaves growing out of the top of his head pulled back into a ponytail with several cattails growing in it. Two round emerald eyes were framed with the traditional necromancer skull face paint, and he wore a black suit of the Verdant Executor armor with a splash of pale green accenting it. He had a Reaper Greatsword resting over his shoulder and I was having a weird out of body moment seeing this guy.
"I bring my own support team with me into battle," he smirked in reference to his abilities as a necromancer, "but having real adventurers backing me up is always welcome."
"Who are you?" Zojja asked the edgy looking Sylvari.
"Valiant Scythe Nightstalker, at your service ma'am." my once upon a time in-game avatar introduced himself."
"Fine!" Zojja huffed, "We'll help."
Zojja began tracking the Golem's energy trail to find the Queen which led us into the mansion where we found Logan kicking down every door and shouting 'Jenna!' as he searched every inch of the mansion for his missing queen.
"Get over here, dimwit!" Zojja shouted, "I got a lock on the Queen's signal."
Zojja lead us through the mansion and to a door guarded by a single man.
"He looks scrappy." Zojja commented, "Fuck him up for the glory of our unborn children!"
I got ready to wreck the guy when Scythe put a hand on my shoulder, "Allow me."
He held out a free hand and a portal opened behind the guy, and out poured a snake formed flesh golem thick as a tree trunk that silently wrapped around the man and started constricting.
This glorious bastard even got the cool necromancer powers I used to think about while playing the game all those years ago.
"Tell us what your group's plans are before I deem you uncooperative and really let my minion put the squeeze on you." And this guy has sick lines.
Would it be narcissistic to want to be friends with this guy?
"Fuck you… plant man." The guard huffed.
"There will be a weak link somewhere in your group." Sythe smirked as he clenched his fist causing his undead serpent to finish the guy off, "I'll just have to keep looking."
Zojja and I held back while Logan and Scythe breached the door and engaged the Separatist ambush in the basement.
"He is so cool." I told my mini lover.
"I thought that Trehearne broke the mold for powerful Sylvari Necros, but apparently the Pale Tree was just working on a bigger, better model." Zojja said, "The energy readings off that snake are enormous. It could probably solo a group of unprepared adventurers."
"Dude is big news, for sure." I added as we descended the stairs and saw that Scythe had summoned two more of those beasts in display of all men not being made equal in this world and he was interrogating a trio of Separatists and just offed one of them to intimidate the others. One immediately caved and revealed that they kidnapped all the bigwigs in an attempt to start some world war that their small extremist organization could profit from.
"Thank you for telling me that." Scythe nodded his head before his snakes killed the remaining prisoners and with a gesture all the nearby bodies dragged together into a pile that was consumed in inky dark magic and produced a trio of thickly muscled undead dog golems.
We pulled a lever to reveal a hidden escape tunnel and found the Norn representative at the peace talks bound and guarded by a Separatist Lieutenant who got so caught up fending off Scythe's dogs that she didn't even notice me come in with a big overhand strike that turned her head into a red paste on my hammer.
I slapped the Norn awake and Sigfast, the youngest son of the Knut Whitebear, joined our merry band as we continued cutting down terrorists on our way to rescue Queen Jennah.
We got attacked by a pair of roving bands of dogs on our way out of the escape tunnel before fighting an uphill battle against an entrenched enemy. I kicked things off with the Sigil of Blades into the Blinding Blade which created a trio of magically projects greaswords to hit the snipers up in their tree fort and I pulled those projections and the guys hit by them right into the sigil on the ground and comboed the Wrathful Whirl to hit just about everyone before smacking the ground with my hammer to generate a big explosion and a Sigil of Protection for my homies. I did this all while on fire and radiating that magical flame outwards at all my foes.
We moped up the survivors of my furious onslaught and freed the Iron Legion Tribune that had come to sign the peace treaty.
She joined us as we made our final push for the Queen.
Jennah had already slipped her bonds and was holding a defensive shield that looked capable of holding for days under the assault put up by the Seppies.
"Hey!" I shouted, "Why don't you all surrender?"
"Never!" Captain DeLanna shouted.
"Really, cause we are kind of covered in what's left of all the people you left behind on this venture. What makes you think you are going to be any different?" I asked.
"Victory or death!" she shouted to rally her terrified troops, "No cost is too high!"
DeLanna led her force of no name goons against a team of the most powerful adventurers in the world and got the predictable result.
I cleaved her clavicle to crotch with my divine greatsword and we moved on to the Queen.
"Jennah!" Logan did his best Forrest Gump impersonation.
"It is good to see you all unharmed." the Queen frostily sidestepped Logan's affections.
Poor Simp.
The Queen was an obvious cat person and Logan was a dog shaped like a man. He just wanted to slobber on her and hump her leg and keep her safe from any harm, and she wanted a man that would stabilize her perilous hold on the kingdom and father kids with an IQ over ninety five.
"Someone should just put him down already." Zojja commented as her one time friend came over.
"Zojja, Grax." He greeted us, "I can never thank you enough for helping me rescue the queen."
"She looked like she could have left at any time." I told him. "In fact, are we sure that isn't just a Mesmer clone and the real Queen is already back safe and sound?"
"Why don't you go and find out while I try to convince Logan that he needs to move on and find some work where people respect him again." Zojja shooed me off.
"Did I hear you say he was your lover earlier?" I heard Logan ask the little scientist.
"Hoho hell yeah." Zojja laughed.
"So is he really tiny down there?" this mother fucker is cruising for a bruising doubting my pipe.
"It is the exact opposite and that's what momma likes." Zojja growled.
"How though?" Logan was confused.
"Have you ever seen an Asura baby's head?" Zojja laughed and then shook her head at Logan's confused face, "I am stretchy down there!"
"Oh!" Logan stated, "Ohhhh… I didn't need to know that. Have you Asura invented anything for getting rid of memories people don't want anymore."
"I could have Mr. Sparkles perform some cognitive recalibration on you." Zojja offered.
"How does that work?" Logan sounded interested.
"My golem hits you in the head until the brain damage makes you forget." Zojja explained.
"Pass!" Logan shouted, "Pass, pass, pass!"