I am getting sick of all these mother fucking Centaurs. Our first steps into Queensdale and already we run into these guys as they attack the Shire of Beetletun, and if the Voice of Kodan was to be believed they will be attacking the Village of Shaemoor when we get there. Shaemoor being the last stop before the walled city of Divinity's Reach, a Minas Tirith like location with slightly more Italian leanings in design.
Rather than help the people of Beetletun, we just charged through the Centaurs on our way to the Queen's Forrest. Ruthless I know, but these people are probably gooning for Caudecus Beetletun, which means the Centaurs are only putting up a minor probing attack to make it look like Lord Beetletun isn't a total traitor, which he is.
If the dude hadn't fathered a smoking piece of ass like Demmi he would have been a straight up waste of human skin. But he did, so some forgiveness for his treacherous ways must be given.
Spending time thinking of all the clappable cheeks in waiting for me in Divinity's Reach filled my mind happy thoughts as we walked through the game preserve forest. I have never been one to enjoy the woods. I get that some people like the woods, but I am not one of them. Ticks people. Ticks live in the woods. Not even being a nigh indestructible quasigod was going to stop my hibijibis in regards to those vicious little parasites.
When we left the woods we saw the defensive position of the Shaemoor Garrison lazing about unassulted, and continued through the fort and across the river into the village. The village was a small settlement built at the foot of the same hill that housed the massive Divinity's Reach.
We set up in the local inn and I was putting the moves on the owner, Norah, while contemplating the fact that so many of the women we'd encountered, both Norn and Human were absolutely clappable and a half when the screaming started.
The Centaurs had broken through the garrison in a massive wave of horseman flesh and were now assaulting both the Seraphs attempting to hold the garrison and the village. We got up from our dinner and laid a brutal smack down on the wild ponies until none other than the Queen's personal white knight and simp, Logan Thackary, came down from Divinity's reach with another platoon of Seraphs.
The local guards and warriors joined up with them and we all fought our way to the garrison and pushed the Centaurs back across the bridge to the other side of the river where a Modnirr High Sage in an epic display of all men not being created equal summoned up a massive pair of earthen arms to resume the siege of the fortress.
Rather than let the Sage pummel down the walls of the garrison, we charged over the bridge to take the massive earth elemental on. The hands exerted a telekinetic control over the nearby earth, tearing it up and causing it to float in the air where it would rain boulders down on our forces like cannon shots. It also sheltered the High Sage in a mobile core of earth, preventing attacks from reaching him. Thackery proved himself a powerful if not particularly effective Guardian by maintaining a strong and long lasting Shield of Absorption, creating a dome of protection for the Seraph to drag the injured to for treatment.
The magic sustaining the hands was the kind you could just whack until it fell apart, so that is what we did and when it could take no more of our righteous fury, the earthen core protecting the Centaur High Sage slammed back into the ground and exploded, slaying few but leaving many injured.
We helped carry the wounded to a rather delectable Cathan (the Cathan's are basically the Chinese of Tyria) Priestess of Dwayna named Amelia. We ended up spending a few more days helping the people of Shaemoor rebuild and hunt down any Centaur survivors on this side of the river, but all that changed when the man, nay, the myth, nay, the legend Lord Faren host to the prestigious Divinity's Reach Fanciest Cat Competition arrived heralded by trumpet call. Just the one trumpet.
"Yes, dear friends and people of Shaemoor, it is I, Lord Faren. Host and Champion of the Divinity's Reach Fanciest Cat Competition three years running and six time winner of the Best Smile Award according to the Krytan Herald Newspaper."
"Yay!" some children cheered in an acidic show of sarcasm that burned all the way over here yet seemed completely missed by the dandy Lord Faren.
"Do my eyes deceive me, or do I see the family known as the Heroes of Shaemoor before me?" Lord Faren dramatically inquired.
"Nah, man." I answered, "Your eyes are working right."
"Excellent!" He shouted then rushed over, "Barnabas!" he snapped and the trumpeter blasted another note, "Hahem. It is my deepest honor to present to you four an invitation to a party this evening in the Salma District celebrating your valiant defense of the Village of Shaemoor and your epic clash against the villainous Centaur High Sage!"
The man presented an elaborate invitation on high quality parchment and I heard a Seraph guard nearby complain, "Hey, why are they getting all the credit. We fought too."
"Yeah, we fought." said his partner, "But they didn't suck ass at it."
"I resemble that insult." The first guard chuckled at their combined incompetence.
"Sweet, block party!" Wanda smiled as she lifted the invitation into the air, "Snazzy invite too."
"Only the best, my lady." Lord Faren slid on up next to Wanda, "I must confess myself, an ardent admirer of your father."
"Husband." Wanda shut the dandy man down.
Unfettered Faren slid on up to Jack, "I must confess myself, an ardent admirer of your father."
"Husband." Jack parroted and Faren slid over to Medusa.
"I must…" He stated before Medusa interrupted.
"Master." She said.
"I can work with that." Faren grinned.
Medusa made an circle with her finger and her thumb before penetrating it with her other index finger and pointed to me, "Master…"
Faren, rather than be displeased, turned to look at me with stars in his eyes, "Teach me your ways, oh Great Sage!"
"You can't handle my ways." I denied him.
"I shall endeavor to prove you wrong, Great Sage, and will someday be your greatest disciple." Faren took on the aura of harem protagonist, a metaphysical flame burning around him as he raised his fist and huffed greet streams of air in and out of his nose.
In truth, Faren had a lot more going on for him than your typical harem protagonist. He was tall, in great shape, handsome, rich, observant, and downright brave. This guy definitely deserves more pussy than people like Issei Hyoudou.
"You know what kid." I put a hand on the dandy man's shoulder, "Keep that attitude up. That's the first step on the road to anything."
"Yes, teacher!" Feran nodded and led us up into the last great stronghold of mankind on this savage world.