"Grunt Desilijic Tiure!" Anakin Skywalker screamed at the front gate of my Mega Fortress, a much changed man.
Gone was the hero without fear of the Republic, replaced by a gaunt man with eyes glowing like pools of lava in the night, standing on two robotic legs in a loincloth.
"You took my mother!" He shouted, "You killed my student! You murdered my wife!"
True facts about your step dad.
"If you have any pride in your wretched body you will come down and face me. No weapons, no armor, no tricks. Just the power and speed of our bodies!"
"What a fool." Ventress commented, "The poor boy has lost his mind and will be put down like a rabid mongrel."
"No." Jack shook her head, "He won't."
"My step-son has stated his case." I announced to everyone in the throne room watching the feed from the front gate, "He has listed three terrible transgressions and demanded the Rite of Kombat. This matter is sacred, none shall touch him save me."
"You can't be serious?" Ventress scoffed, "Shoot him now and be done with it."
"If I do not meet this sacred challenge then I prove now and forever that I am craven, that I am unworthy, and will be denied my place in the feasting halls of Kruban no matter how great my legend becomes. Even if no one were to believe the boy's case, I would know the truth and be compelled to face him or live the rest of my cowardly life hollow of honor."
"What the hell is Kruban?" Ventress questioned quietly.
"Big lizard business." Jack answered her in the same tone.
I had once more made assumptions and the Force subverted me. Guiding my enemy to the correct method of taking me down. Had Anakin assaulted my fortress, he would be unable to infiltrate it in the same way as the multifarious Palpatine. He would have been caught and I would have the time to arm up for the battle in a suit of invulnerable armor with a sword and shield capable of disabling his strongest weapon.
Instead the Dark Side of the Force had guided Anakin to the only battle he could feasibly win against me. I doubted that even giving himself over to the Dark Side completely would allow him the physical amplification Darth Jar Jar showed, but even without that Anakin would be an enemy both fast and powerful.
I made the fallen Jedi wait while I prepared for sacred kombat, stripping off my rings and chains and robes. I slipped into a hot bath and after the Twi'lek attendants cleaned me thoroughly Jack buffed my scales and plates with fragrant wax. I donned a tight pair of pants and a phrik codpiece with a layer of impact absorbing gel covered in finest silk.
I made my way to the front gate and gathered an escort of cortosis plated C-B3 ultra battle droids. We arrived at the perimeter wall with a platoon of commando droids aiming their slugthrower longrifles at the waiting challenger.
The gate opened slowly enough to get people's dicks hard and my escort ran forward, creating a wide circle around Anakin and turned away from him with their blasters up, ready to slay anyone who tried to interfere.
"You'll have to forgive the codpiece boy." I told him as he grinded his teeth at the sight of me, "I swore to your mother that I would never again willingly enter combat without protecting the family jewels."
Anakin's skin paled as black veins spread throughout his human flesh. His eyes bled crimson and his voice came out like gravel.
"You took my mother!" He hoarsely screamed, "Killed my student! Murdered my wife!"
And with that the fight was on.
Anakin moved with all the swiftness and guidance the Dark Side could channel through his body and closed distance at incredible speed. His fist impacted on my guard with a thunderous clash that left me clenching my teeth and I responded with an uppercut he weaved around and countered with a hook that grazed my ribs.
He backed out of my reach and side stepped quickly before darting back in and working another combo, this time getting clipped by a jab coming in but he minimized the damage by rolling his head and letting it only strike him with a glancing blow. His follow up cross hook combo hit me cleanly and dealt far more damage.
Over the course of the next several minutes this frustrating process continued, as the Chosen one danced around my attacks and almost always landed cleanly with his own.
I spat out a glob of blood after a jaw rattling strike and grinned at the fallen Jedi.
"Good hit boy." I laughed and caught him clean with a jab that sent him reeling back with a cut over his eye.
With the help of the Force, Anakin had needed no time at all to establish the proper range of the fight and learn my patterns. Even if the Force couldn't read me to give him the precognition that made fighting even poorly trained Jedi a pain in the ass for regular people, it still brought his reaction speed down to near zero and guided him to where he needed to be to hurt me.
As a mostly regular giant space lizard man I needed time to establish a read on him, and now that I had it he needed to vary his patterns and implement feints and fakes to move me into the positions he needed me in. Skills he had as a swordsman, but quickly proved to lack as a brawler.
The fight turned.
Over the next few exchanges Anakin ate another clean jab and a teep kick that kept him from coming in on me to bring his shorter limbs into play. To counter this he began to attack my limbs specifically, trying to slow them down so he could regain the upper hand. A good strategy against someone without my powerful regenerative healing factor, but I wasn't going to let him know that.
As his damage grew so did my confidence and I pursued the fatal finish, coming at the boy with a cardio burning barrage of combinations that put him on the backfoot for the first time in the fight. Or so I thought.
Anakin ducked under a sloppy looping over eager hook and executed a flawless spinning side kick that sent me flying and to the ground with my wind knocked out of me.
For the uninitiated, the spinning side kick is the single most powerful kick the human body can produce. It is the perfect combination of torque and grounded stability and I just ate a flawless example from a guy with robo legs and the empowerment of giving in fully to the Dark Side.
Anakin unleashed a series of soccer kicks on me while I got my shit together after taking a kick that would make a speeding Truck-Sama jealous.
"You took my mother! You killed my student! You murdered my wife!" he screamed while he tried to murder me with head kicks.
When I grabbed one of those kicks in an inescapable vice grip, Anakin knew it was that moment he'd fucked up.
I dragged the Chosen One to the ground and mounted him, my superior lifting strength making it so simple to move my hands up to his head and dig my thumbs into his eyes which began bleeding as I pressed, forcing him to scream in agony and terror.
"I took you mother!" I screamed right back at him, "I killed your student! I murdered your wife!"
And I popped your head like a bad zit.
I got up and lifted my step-son's broken body in one hand and pounded my titanic slab of chest muscle with the other.
I screamed in victory, "I AM KROGAN!"