"You mean to tell me you people have cured the Genophage?" Draug asked in bewilderment in the Normandy's lab, "And it has already been tested and is totally safe? You guys aren't using me to test it, right?"
I put an arm thicker than Mordin's body over his shoulders and the pair of us smiled and gave Draug two thumbs up.
"Do we look like the kind of people that would test experimental drugs on a friend?" I questioned my best pal while completely lying to him.
"To be honest, the pair of you look like people that should not be trusted at all." Draug answered, "But judging people based on their appearance is shallow and Nakmor Draug is hella deep! Let's do this!"
Never change Draug.
"Excellent!" Mordin cried before hitting Draug in the neck with an injection gun.
"Ouch!" Draug barked and looked at the salarian with bad intentions.
"Congratulations!" Mordin told him, seemingly unaware of his patient's anger, "Will need to keep you on hand to ensure no unique side effects, but free to move about the ship and go on missions with Grunt and the team."
"Sweet." the promise of violence settled my pal.
"Will want to test whether or not cure compatible with retrovirus, completely optional." Mordin said while working on some file in his computer.
"Retrowhatnow?" Draug looked to me for clarification.
"Retrovirus." Mordin explained, "Injection capable of boosting krogan health markers up to 50% permanently. Downstream effects include but not limited to empowered healing factor, significant increases in energy levels, cognition, digestion, sperm count and motility, and ejaculate volume."
"Did you just say you want to maximize my loads?" Draug questioned in awe.
"In roundabout way, yes." Mordin nodded his head.
"My body is ready." Draug moaned in reverence as he dropped to his knees.
"Excellent." Mordin grinned, "Remove pants and bend over."
"Say what now?"
Reality hit Draug hard that day as the lizard relearned the painful lesson that there is no free lunch. A lesson he learned in the buttock.
"Worth it." Draug said as he came out of the bathroom with a sample of ejaculate several hours later.
"Gonna have to get your diet better, bro." I told him, "Your rope game is looking weak."
"There is a goddamn pint in here!" Draug vehemently objected, "My rope game is strong as fuck!"
"I cum a quart bro." I told him grimly, "Sometimes a quart and a half."
"Teach me your ways, bro." Draug responded.
"And this is our state of the art lab." Shepard came in with Liara on her grand tour of our better Normandy.
"Is it normal for your lab to contain krogans holding a beaker of… is that cum?" Liara looked positively boggled by the strange scene.
"Don't worry if not impressed by ejaculate volume. Grunt assures Draug that with proper diet his rope game will up significantly." Mordin told the asari who helped save the galaxy two years ago.
"How nice for him." The uncomfortable asari smiled awkwardly, "Let's move on to the next area of the ship please."
"I think that will be for the best." Before leaving Shepard turned back to me, "There is less cum located in the rest of the ship right?"
"Maybe?" I shrugged.
How the fuck should I know what Jack does with my spunk that she doesn't gulp down.
"I still feel like a warrior god." Draug stated as we sat in the shuttle armed to the teeth for our assault on the Shadow Broker's ship.
"It never goes away." I told him.
"Fucking awesome." He grinned before donning his helmet.
We'd given Draug the works on his equipment, armoring him up about as well as I was before we hit the collector cruiser. Between the two of us the Shadow Broker's forces were completely fucked.
We dropped down onto the Broker's ship, a massive behemoth dotted with lightning rods that regularly caught the bolts generated by the eternal storm that followed the sunset on Hagalaz. The never ending storm existed because of the planets status as a second tier garden world and it's incredibly slow day night cycle, taking 98 earth days to complete a single rotation. This caused half the planet to be baking hot and the other half freezing cold, generating massive pressure changes and a constant storm wherever the sun is rising and setting.
It was the most beautiful sight I had ever witnessed.
The general danger of navigating all the moving pieces that kept this ship flying prevented me from enjoying it thoroughly, along with the constant maintenance patrols and drones. I don't know if the rest of the team liked it, but Draug screamed 'This is fucking incredible!' so at least I know we connect as bros on yet another level.
If we could have Pedro's tacos while sitting on this ship my life would be complete.
Killing the shadow Broker's forces was EZPZ. A quick overload from one of our tech specialists to pop their shields and a swift biotic pull up into the air allowed them to be swept away by the storm. It takes them a while to die, but what a way to go.
Unfortunately for the Broker, he shot his security load by trying to swarm us as we used a digital lock cracking device to gain access to his section of the ship. The guy sent pretty much his entire defense force straight at us while we held the defensible position tighter than a crab's anus.
Ultimately it was more dangerous traversing the exterior of the ship than it was engaging in a fire fight with these guys.
"Were fights always this easy?" Draug questioned me as we breached the interior of the ship.
"For me, yeah." I answered him.
"Don't you ever get bored of it?" Draug asked, "Bored of just crushing everyone like bugs?"
"You got to make a game of it." I told him, "Like this time I am only gonna kill people with head shots, or crotch shots, or with my hammer or my omni blades. Keep things interesting, you know?"
"You shoot people in the groins for fun?" Liara inquired of me.
"Yeah." I answered unashamedly, "For like ten minute straight while fighting the collectors I shot them all right in their cyber bug man testicles. It was pretty funny."
I sparked up my omni shield and brought out an asari forged machete for the battles inside the ship, the tanto style point tore right through shields and the paper thin armor these whack jobs wore. Cutting a bloody swath across the ship we arrived at the prison cells and found Liara's pal Feron getting his gimp training done strapped to an electric chair. Getting him out of that BDSM nightmare device would take time better spent fighting yahgs, so we moved on with a promise to return for him later.
I cut our way swiftly to Broker's office and while Shepard and Liara talked to the yahg I was busy stripping down to my arming pants, a process taking over three minutes. The Shadow Broker and Liara where happy to measure their information broker dicks against each other long enough for me to get ready then come forward and say,
"Fight me."
"The fuck you doing, babe?" Jack asked worried as hell, seeing me with only my athletic cup as armor.
"I need this." I told her and everyone else assembled, "And you need this too, yahg. You are surrounded by eight of the deadliest warriors in the galaxy. If we pressed, you'd be dead in under a minute. Now if there is any pride left in that body you will strip to your pants and fucking fight me."
"How does that help me survive this confrontation?" The Broker asked from behind his desk.
"It doesn't." I told him, "You're fucked either way, but at least this way you can die with a warrior's dignity."
"I accept." The yahg stood up and began to strip.
"Back down, Grunt." the Commander ordered.
"No Space Momma." I denied her, "I need this."
"The Chief has brokered unarmed single combat." Draug announced, "This fight is sacred. Everyone, make way."
I'd reached my full size during the time between the collector station and now. I stood 2.6 meters (8.5 feet) because of my more upright posture developed through body building and my more flexible plate configuration. On my huge frame I'd packed on 360 kilos (793 pounds), a mix of super dense skin, muscle, bone and organ. My muscles situated on my bones optimally for maximum leverage and developed into rippling perfection under my scales and plates. Despite my incredible body, the Broker completely dwarfed me.
He stood a full head taller than me - and what a massive head it was - and despite a lifestyle of indulgence his muscles bulged under his thick red skin, only his round corpulent belly breaking up the solid stoutness of his limbs.
Despite his hyper predatorial traits and incredibly developed eyes, the Broker - like all yahgs - possessed a mind as adroit as a salarian. I'd be fighting a guy much smarter and with better reaction speed and depth perception than me, and likely with the strength advantage as well.
"Korlus, bitch!" I yelled at the start of our combat and came at him with a flying side kick that he dodged.
Not a smart way to start a super fight, but I couldn't help myself.
The Broker cracked me with a massive punch that knocked me back, but I came through it smiling at him.
There was one aspect of our bodies that I outclassed him all the way: durability. My skin and plates could withstand incredible tensile forces and I could recover from injuries in seconds. He'd caught me completely clean with a powerful shot and even without dipping into the blood rage I couldn't feel it any more, the damage all gone in a heartbeat.
He caught me with another thunderous shot as I came into his reach again, but this time I punched his belly. The process repeated itself a few times as we landed more and more punches on each other.
I missed every time I swung for his head, he always reacted to anytime I struck too high because of the four powerful eyes resting in his freaky demon skull, but the shots to the body landed at least half the time. He saw them coming, but it was a lot of area to defend even for a creature with his freakish agility. It also didn't help that I had the absolute speed advantage, capable of throwing at least two punches for every punch of his own.
When we backed away from each other, despite taking numerous blows from the bigger and stronger fighter, I came away the winner. All the harm he inflicted on me healed up by the time we started backing away from each other, but I could see dark bruises forming on his massive gut.
He knew he was losing, but he was closing the skill gap that we had at the start of the fight quickly, his looping punches tightening up and leaving me with less time to press my advantage with every exchange.
Time to take things up a notch.
I launched into a superman punch which he easily defended and followed up with the GSP combo leg kick, my shin making the sound of a battering ram striking a boulder when it landed on his thigh.
The sharp intake of breath from the yahg announced the continuation of the one universal truth: it hurts like a bitch to get kicked in the leg.
While my fists kept him busy up top, my legs chopped again and again at the big guy. The ridiculous flexibility I'd religiously developed in my hips, knees, and ankles allowed me some incredible angles on the poor fool.
He didn't need a freakishly powerful mind to realize that he had to incorporate this element in his game when fighting enemies he couldn't just smack around like his bitch. He launched a titanic leg kick which I checked and the look of 'I just fucked up' on his face made me laugh. My extensively durable and conditioned shin against his sixty years on the couch shin. Ouch.
It didn't fracture or break his dense bones, but it hurt like a mother fucker.
The Broker's next failure came in the form of his endurance. Despite my huge size and skeletal muscular configuration, I'd trained and conditioned myself brutally. I fatigued far slower than my bulk would imply, and he fatigued quickly, his body needing to power that huge frame with every breath I interrupted with my constant striking.
Exhausted and battered, the Broker did the only thing that made sense and shot for a takedown. With his strength he easily picked me up in the single leg and slammed me to the hard floor. From there he tried to use his more powerful limbs to wrap me up and smother me, but he made one fatal error. I am a damn fine kickboxer, but I am so much greater at grappling.
Using my strength, greater flexibility, and skill in the far more complex art of grappling, I ended up wrapping all my limbs around his dominant arm. He'd obviously seen enough MMA to know to panic as I started cranking the arm bar with too much power for him to flex through. In an attempt to save his arm, the yahg picked me up off the floor and slammed me down, but only he screamed in agony when I hit the ground.
With his elbow completely inverted and the arm hanging limp, the Broker scrambled back from me.
"That's game." I told him and took sequentially increasing joy in the barrage of punches I unleashed on the foe who was unable to defend himself properly any longer.
For the first time since the fight began I landed punches on his head. Incredibly satisfying punches.
I worked the galaxy's finest punching bag until one perfect punch landed on his chin, collapsing the tough creature like a boneless mess. The Broker tried to get back up, but flopped weakly back down as his concussed body betrayed him.
Despite my deep enjoyment in beating people to death, I promised the Broker a warrior's dignity. I kicked the yahg onto his belly and mounted his back, wrapping one hand around his demonic horn and the other under his thickly muscular jaw. With a full power wrench, I turned his head a full 180 degrees, completely decapitating him internally.
Rolling the kinks out of my shoulders, I took a more comfortable seated position on my defeated foe then started laughing, uproariously so. Throwing my head back in joy.
Then I rose up, lifting my arms into the air in the sign of victory and roared.
"I am Chief Gatatog Grunt! The Ultimate Krogan!"