When I woke up one day, I had a bad feeling. And after leaving for school...I died.
So where am I? I'm pretty sure I got run over by a truck.
A pure white room? Or maybe there is no room? I can't feel any floors nor make out any walls. Then again, I am definitely standing on something. I also feel weightless but at the same time, I am not. My memory is also very foggy. I have an urgent feeling that I still have something I want done. And I want it done badly.
"That is a very dangerous and ambitious grudge that you harbor."
"Ehh?"
I turned around and saw a beautiful woman wearing a white and silver dress with blond hair, black horns, and…
She has a golden halo floating above her head…..and are those yellow angel wings! The color at least matches her eyes. Her skin is also very white.
"Wait, are you an angel?"
The woman shook her head.
"Close but no cigar. I am the Goddess Lora. Nice to meet you, Kana, or Kanit as you were called in school."
"(Close but no cigar?) Wait, you're a God!?"
Lora nodded. It was then that a feeling of dread trickled down my spine. At first, I was confused as to why I am feeling this way, but then I understood. I'm in a white area, and I am meeting a God.
"I'm dead, aren't I?"
Lora let out a sigh and nodded. I let out a nervous chuckle. Despite being told that I'm dead, I don't feel very dead. In fact, I feel really weird. Like I'm here but at the same time not. All of it was just too confusing...and all of it just made me angry. Once again Lora let out a sigh.
"I am going to reincarnate you in another world. You have died as you already know and you have a terrible grudge. If you were to go back to your own world, you'll instead become a ghost. Since that is no good, you'll be reborn in another world full of magic."
I took in what she said. I can't go back to my world but instead, I'll go to another one full of magic...How is that bad? I mean, I always wanted to use magic. I even dressed up as magical girls at Halloween.
I hope she can't read my mind. Why do I keep embarrassing myself by dressing up?
As anyone could tell, it was a failure. I never did use magic. The occult club had nothing but fakes, and my searching online resulted in nothing. Yet I found all of it fun. I'm a very easy girl to please.
"What is my grudge?"
"...."
"You said I had a terrible grudge. What is my grudge? Can you tell me, please?"
Lora did not answer me. Instead, she shook her head and turned around. I felt myself grow even angrier but I was used to holding back my anger. Is it that she needs me to go to this world or something? Maybe my grudge is the key to that. But then again, I hate it. I hate this feeling of anger at something. I've always been angry but this is something else. I need this done. Whatever my grudge is, I want it gone.
"You're a nice and pretty girl. However, on the inside, you were always boiling. You always itched for a fight. You always held back the urge to give in to your desire and start killing and acting like an animal."
I looked down at the ground before meeting the Goddess's gaze. She spoke the truth. I always wanted to be kind to everyone...but every little thing pissed me off. But I got over it...or so I thought. Instead, I began yearning to kill and do other impulsive things. That was my biggest and darkest secret. That I want to fight and kill, watch others go through pain and happiness, but mainly I wanted chaos. I was by no means a good person on the inside. That is why I stayed away from anything involving love. Because my personality on the inside is twisted.
It was something that no one would understand. Getting dark impulses, trying my best to put up a front. I was pretty good at it too. It was probably thanks to my cute features. I eventually though, never stopped smiling.
I did it all the time and eventually, I smiled on my own. Even when I'm truly sad. The only times I wasn't smiling was when I made a face of being teased or a fake scared face, or when I'm truly angry. I've stopped feeling fear a long time ago and my other emotions just went with it. I wouldn't say I'm truly emotionless but...I'm close.
"Are you saying that my grudge is my personality?"
I had dropped the smile the moment Lora spoke about my inner personality. woke up here. Now I was pissed. My eyes narrowed.
"No. That is all I can tell you. However, where you are going you don't have to hide your personality. You can change it or keep going with your facade. This is a new you so don't hide your inner personality, Kanit."
"I'm going to send you off now. I hope to see you again. And please, try your best to make and keep friends. Even old ones. And try your best to forgive. Don't just abuse power and kill endlessly either. And be your true self. What you truly are."
I stopped glaring at Lora and put on my smile again. I was curious though.
"What am I? What is my true self?"
Lora closed her eyes and gave me a big smile.
"Let me show you."
A brilliant yellow light filled my vision which was then replaced with black, grey, red, orange, and white. Images, or more of memories flooded through me. I was in a litter of kids. I was one of the smallest ones but I wasn't the weakest. My mother had white hair, tan skin, and purple and blue eyes. She was a beauty. I loved her. Our father too. He was hulking and had a big beard. Both were high-ranking. Then people came and attacked us before….
….
I woke up with a gasp. I was surrounded by magma, lava, fire, smoke, ash, bones, flesh, and blackbirds with glowing red eyes. I felt tears spring into my eyes, the first time that had happened for real in a while. I looked down and saw my hands were coated in what looked like light brown gloves or something you see on the witches in movies. The gloves made it look like I had claws. I tried taking them off only for me to feel pain when I tugged too hard.
That's not a glove…
I dug my claws into the ground and watched them shred the rocks and magma beneath effortlessly.
These are real claws.
I felt something off about my back and swung a bladed exoskeleton-like tail into view, the color of the tail matching the lower part of my arms. A smoking black liquid was dripping from the tip of the blade on my tail.
That's a real tail.
I then reached up and felt my head. Not only did my hair change from silky smooth and long to rough and short, but I felt a pair of jagged horns facing backward poking out. My arms are longer too. I ran my tongue in my mouth and felt that it had a hidden blade underneath it and that my teeth were all sharp, all of them being fangs. And I had hidden snake-like fangs on the roof of my mouth.
A scream echoed in the distance followed by a non-human roar. I looked up and saw a hulking figure flying in the sky. White-eyes, black goat horns, muscular, black wings out of their back, and black fur and goat legs as the lower half. A demon.
Then I began to hear the cries of damned people. I could hear their suffering and felt a pleasure out of it. But the anger that followed swallowed that pleasure. I get it. I knew what I was.
I swung my head back and opened my mouth to let out an angry shout, but only a loud and piercing roar came out, causing even the other demon to give me a look and shudder before flying away faster.
SO MY TRUE SELF IS A DEMON!?