My father said more but I couldn't hear any of it. I only seemed to break out of my trance when his speech ended and he let go of my hand.
In front of everyone else, dressed in white, waiting for me, was Ieuan. As if it was scripted, I wordlessly took his hand.
"You look beautiful," he murmured, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. The breath in my chest constricted. My head swam.
As if pulled by strings, we settled into a slow dance, the crowd blurring behind us. An orchestra in the corner played soft music; the sound of bows quivering over violin strings made me feel sick. I held my skirt out, and we swayed around the ballroom like a pair of butterflies.
Ieuan's green eyes were affixed on me, his smile small but ever present. I hated that. I hated that smile. I hated how it made my skin crawl.
"Have you started thinking of your engagement?" His voice was soft, barely a sigh against my hair. I wanted to jerk back, but instead trembled, my hand in his. Did he know? Did father tell him?
"You'd make a beautiful bride." He murmured.
I didn't speak a word to him and the dance ended.
"The pleasure is all mine," I said softly, curtsying at the end.
Ieuan smiled knowingly.
I headed for the balcony, my eyes flitting past my father who smiled approvingly.
"Valerie!" Ethan put his hand on my shoulder. He looked handsome tonight, his pink hair styled, cufflinks polished, fitted in a silver suit with a pale purple tie. I flinched under his gaze, his worried green inspection.
"I just need some fresh air." I nodded towards the glass set of double doors, which led to the garden.
Ethan hesitated, but let me go.
The cold air enveloped me, lifting some of the weight off my chest. Above, the dark night sky glimmered with stars. The moon cast beams across the garden, illuminating a glowing fountain. I sat on its edge, watching the stars reflected in the water.
Like a crystal bead, like a pearl, a single teardrop fell from my eye. Why was I crying? I blinked it back, watching my heartfelt expression crumble in the water. Why was I like this?
"Valerie!"
I turned, surprised.
Almost as if I had conjured him up, Roman ran towards me. Dressed in black with gold trims, he cut a handsome figure against the glowing lights of the mansion. He stopped next to the fountain and smiled brightly.
"Happy birthday."
Looking at his face, my eyes couldn't help but moisten with tears again.
"Are - are you alright?" His hands hovered over me, looking worried. With a gloved finger, he wiped away my tear, glitter trailing after it.
"I'm fine," I said softly, smiling. "Thank you, for the birthday wishes."
He smiled sheepishly, and lifted up a pale purple peony from behind his back. "Of course." The orchestra music hummed softly behind him, barely audible in the garden. "Would you care for a dance?" He lifted up a hand, calloused and scarred, but gentle.
I hesitated. Was this okay? My thoughts flickered back to my father's gaze, expectant and firm. Could I take his hand? The feeling of his sword lodged in my stomach still lingered. Ethan's screams still rang in my ears. If I did… if I did take his hand, what would happen? Would my work these past three years be for nothing? My promises to myself, broken and wasted?
Would I just be making the same mistakes as before?
Then why did I want to take his hand so badly? Why did I want him to wrap his arms around me in a heartfelt embrace?
"Don't worry," he smiled, eyes bright. "I won't let go of you. And, I'm not too shabby at the waltz."
I laughed, blinking away tears. Just this once. Just this one night.
I took his hand, and let him pull me into a wordless dance.
---
"Are you getting engaged, Val?" Ethan burst into my room, eyes round and worried.
I looked up from my book, and then turned the page absent-mindedly. "Um… yeah. I guess."
"Everyone's talking about it." He sat in the chair across from me, lower lip trembling. "Apparently dad had mentioned it during your party, but didn't specify who. I can't imagine my baby sister getting married… no one's good enough for you! What is dad thinking?"
I stared down at my book but couldn't focus on the words. "I don't know." My birthday banquet had been two nights ago. The more Ethan said, the more I thought of Roman. The more it hurt.
"Are you getting engaged, Val?!" Arthur burst in through the door, his silver hair messy and unkempt. He walked over with the same worried, lip-trembling look Ethan had. "You're too young! I'm not even married yet!"
"I can see why," I mumbled.
"Father's being ridiculous! Let me go talk to him, surely he can listen to reason."
I put down my book, sighing. "There's nothing you two can do. Father's already decided. It's for -" I clenched the spine of my book. "For the family. To restore neutrality."
Ethan looked even more hurt. "Because of me, you have to get married…?"
I looked over at him and smiled. "It's fine, Ethan. Roman saved your life. I understand that." I halfheartedly opened my book again but ended up staring out the window. "It's not like I mind anyways. I was going to get married eventually."
"But…" Arthur glanced at Ethan. "You're our baby sister. We should be the ones worrying about the family's neutrality and… we've always wanted you to marry for love."
I bit my lip. "Doesn't matter. It's not like I'm… in love with anyone at the moment."
I stared out the window, watching the emerald garden glitter in the sunlight. This was why I was doing this. To see the duchy full of life and splendor. To be able to sit comfortably within these walls. To -
A figure crashed in through the window.
I blinked.
"Are you getting engaged, Val?!"