I was exhausted, but I couldn't bring myself to sit down. Until I knew what they intended to do with me, I couldn't waver in the way I presented myself to them.
Never let your guard down. I learned that the hard way.
"As soon as they announced that Solano was dead and that you had turned him in, the under my command disbanded. We never officially surrendered, but we just stopped fighting. What was the point? The whole planet was either conquered or devastated," said Astra.
"Then they began moving in their work crews and enslaving civilians to work in mines, lumberyards, laboratories and other manufacturing warehouses. It was clear that their intention was not just to eliminate our government, but to enslave us. They set up puppet governments for each continent, dividing us between nations once more. We have little or no contact with the other continents, but we know each one has a resistance group from the trickle of information we receive from time to time. They particularly hunted down the top officials. I have eluded capture because... I don't even know how. I've had several close calls. The wings Phillas crafted for me were to confuse them, or to use them in a emergency," she continued. Her voice was calm, but I could hear the sadness of her words.
"What does the resistance do?" I asked.
"We sabotage their machines. Kill them, when we can steal their own weapons and use them against them. There's more I can't tell you until we are sure you can be trusted," she said.
"What are you going to do?" said Phillas, who had been listening patiently this whole time.
"What do you mean what is she going to do? She is our prisoner now. Phillas, I know she's Utanian too, but we can't let her go," said Astra, backing away from Phillas and speaking directly to him.
"A Utanian citizen is a free citizen of this universe," said Phillas. "If we don't let her choose, how are we any better from the Balians. I have sworn my life to the cause of freeing Pagua from them, regardless of what their intentions are with Utania. But she has to have a choice."
A choice? How long had it been since I've been asked what I wanted to do? Free will was a privilege I had long forgotten I could have.
I tried to remember all the dreams and aspirations I had throughout my life. First I only wanted to learn how to fly and travel the galaxy to meet all the infinite number of races inhabiting the known universe. When I fell in love with Solano and his planet, I wanted to help him build a better future for these people who conquered my heart with their warmth, hospitality and kindness. During the war, all I thought of was to survive another day and save Solano from himself. In Balia, I wanted my freedom.
Was I truly free now? Are we ever really free from the circumstances of our lives?
"I was never meant to be a warrior, the spouse of a ruler, or a bargaining chip for tyrants. I am not a politician, or an expert in military strategy. Yet I've had to be all of those, mostly against my will. You ask me what I want to do. The truth is, I want a home. I want to settle down somewhere and never see someone die to a weapon again. I want to study all the things I never got a chance to learn, and I want to grow fat and complacent, worrying about nothing but watering plants and feeding my pets. That is what I want to do," I said, blurting it all out almost without pausing.
As soon as I regained my breath, I continued.
"But I can't do that, can I? Because I don't have a home. Utania will be invaded, one way or another. I will always be hunted by the Balians here. And I will never, ever set foot on Balia again while I'm alive. If they want to take me there again, they'll have to kill me and hire a taxidermist to embalm me or carry me in a coffin."
"We can arrange for you to leave. It may take some time, but we can get you out. You can go anywhere in the universe and start over," said Phillas. "It's the least you deserve for helping the Paguans during the war."
Astra glanced at him and then at me, an unbelieving look on his face. She was never one to take orders easily, or let someone else be in charge.
"Can I, though? How can I start over knowing that this war is far from over?"
"It's your choice," said Phillas.
There would come a time when I'd be able to leave all this behind me if I survive what's coming next. But that time wasn't now.
"What I want to do, and what I have to do are different things. I have to make the Balians pay for what they did to Pagua. I have to avenge Solano's death. And most importantly, avenge what they did to me."
"So you will join us and fight?" Astra asked. Her eyes lit up.
Her demeanor had changed as soon as she heard me mention revenge. It was clear that her motivation for fighting, perhaps for living, was also along those same lines.
"I am going to destroy Count Eu and the Balians," I said, believing it for the first time.
I didn't know what kind of resistance they were gathering, or whether there was a chance for them to actually defeat them. But it didn't matter. For the first time in ages, I dared to dream that things could change. And if I were to die in the process, it wouldn't matter. I'd rather die resisting than accepting whatever horrors the universe had in store for me.
This time, I would face these horrors and make them bow to me.
A loud clang interrupted my thoughts, and Astra and Phillas immediately moved towards the sliding door. Phillas pressed a yellow button on the wall and the door opened.
On the floor, a pale figure dressed in a toga was panting and holding up his stretched hand, reaching out to both of them.
"They're coming," Toro said, right before he collapsed on the ground, still holding on to my bag with his clutched hand.