Chapter 3
Currently me and Amber were walking to the ice cream parlor. She insisted we park the car and take a walk since that I apparently 'don't do any exercise.' Which I beg to differ. Exercise is just the movement of limbs. It seemed a bit pointless to me. But I guess everyone was different. But Amber being Amber insisted that this was the right thing to do. So I accepted, just to make her happy.
"So." She snaked her arm through mine. The action was so soft but so strong at the same time. I relaxed into her embrace. "Anything you'd like to tell me?"
"I don't know is there anything I would want to tell you?"
"Well, his name starts with an L and ends with an E."
"Lyme disease. Many things start with an L and ends with an E."
She laughed, I honestly forgot how much I missed that sound. "I am being serious Nicola."
"Yeah so am I, Amber."
"Are you taking things slow? Don't rush into things, you will regret it."
"I swear I have heard things way too many times from you."
"It can't possibly hurt to hear it again. And before you say-"
Before she could finish her sentence, another voice came through, interrupting her conversation. A guy stood in front of us about nineteen or so. Blonde hair, blue eyes and his eyes trained directly on Amber. He smiled. "Hey, I saw you and I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are. "
Amber was used to compliments, everyone that was next to her seemed to pale in beauty in comparison. I didn't have much competition but other people I saw her with. She always came on top. Perhaps it's just bias on my part. Or perhaps it is because there is something about her. Her aura. That people are just attracted to. I looked over to see her expression, she seemed slightly annoyed that he interrupted our conversation, but she held no malice and a light smile overtook her features. "Thank you. That is very sweet of you."
"I know beauty when I see it." He held out a hand and Amber took it hesitantly. "Jack." He revealed his name, prompting her to do the same.
"Amber. Nice to meet you. And this is my sister Nicola." She gestured towards me and his eyes fell on me as if just realizing that I was here.
"Nice to meet you Amber. Nicola." My name was a throw away comment. Something to not dwell on. He was here for one goal and one goal only. Amber. "Can I get your number Amber?"
"Thank you for the compliment, really. But I have a boyfriend."
Momentarily his face fell, before it perked up again. "Happy relationship?"
"Very."
His face re-flattened, he sighed facing defeat. "Well, hey, at least. Have a nice day. Both of you." His eyes flickered between me and Amber before a smile formed on his lips and he walked the other way.
"Wow. Amber, he went out of his way to change the direction he was heading to because of you. Why can't I have that effect that you have?"
"What do you really think that I like the attention. It makes Ajax jealous and me uncomfortable."
"You seem to handle it just fine back there."
"Yeah when you become so used to something, it's kinda like second nature. "
"Okay Amber, no need to rub it in my face."
"Like I said Nicola, it's not all it pans out to be. And besides, you have a boyfriend. Why do you need other guys' attention?"
"It's not the premise of getting attention for other guys. I just wished I was as pretty as you."
"Nicola, that is absurd. You are."
"Amber, we both know that."
"Nicola-"
"Amber-"
"Nicola. Stop." She stopped in front of me placing two hands on either side of my shoulders. "Don't do that to yourself. Don't degrade yourself like that. You are better than that." She stared into my eyes and although I was listening to what she was saying, I focused only on her mesmerizing eyes. The kind of eyes that anyone would fall in love with. "Now, repeat after me. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am loved."
I rolled my eyes, but inside I couldn't stop laughing. She was so determined to make me know that I was worth it, even when I didn't. That was Amber for you. "No. I am in no way, shape, or form going to do that. There's no chance."
"Fine, then we can just stand here staring at each other until you do." And she meant it. I was now hyperaware of all the eyes fixed on me and Amber and I wanted to crawl in a hole and get buried there. Live it to my sister to embarrass me publically.
"Okay, okay. Fine. What do you want me to say?"
"I am strong. I am beautiful. I am loved. Happy?"
She frowned. "Say it like you believe it."
"Amber this is ridiculous." I stopped as I saw her expression, I couldn't bear to see her like that, I huffed. "I am strong. I am beautiful. I am loved." This time I increased the tone of my voice enough for her to believe that I believed it. "I am strong. I am beautiful. I am loved." But as many times as I wanted to believe that, there would always be something at the back of my mind stopping me from fully coming to terms with who I am. But it's part of being a teenager right?
*****
"Let me taste yours." Before I could retaliate she dug her silver, metal spoon into my scoop of sugary goodness, quickly stuffing it in her mouth. I looked at her, sh"Don't you even dare." A murderous glare tinted her eyes. I looked at her, she looked at me. Again, we both burst into raucous laughter. "Bring it closer." She gestured to the glass holding a dozen scoops of caramel chocolate, ice cream. I pushed it towards her, she took three large spoons of hers placing them onto mine.
"I think that's a bit too much, Amber."
"Nonsense, you're my darling sister. You deserve all the ice cream in the world."
"You're not trying to get me overweight on ice cream, are you?"
She smiled, her pearly whites glistening in the natural, soft light. "Oh, totally." I looked at her. She looked at me, with a single eyebrow raised. And once again, we erupted in a fit of giggles, not paying any attention to the glares we were receiving. If only they knew what I was going through, what she was going through. I'm sure their reaction would be a lot different. "Of course not, anything I could provide for you, I will."
"What did I do to deserve you?"
"We both know, it should be the other way round."
That wasn't true, it was clear to the two of us, that I needed her more than she needed me.
"How was school today, Nicola?"
"Good."
"Just good? None of the juicy details." I shrugged. "Really, nothing. Come on, Nicola get in drama for once, start a fight. In fact, start two." I knew what she was trying to do, make me feel comfortable with ludicrous jokes that she'd never condone in a lifetime. But I already felt comfortable, whenever I'm around her, there was nothing to be afraid for. "I just joking of course, you know I would never find that acceptable. So don't do it." Knowing she got the reaction she wanted, she held out a finger, a stern expression mockingly filled her features. "But, now that I made you smile, I would say mission accomplished." She smiled, I smiled back.
"You were in for school, did the doctor's appointment in the morning take longer than expected?" Worry, that I could tell flashed in her pupils, she was trying to conceal it from me but I saw it clearly.
"They held me back for more tests at the hospital. I couldn't escape." She tried to laugh it off, like it was a big joke to ease me. But it wasn't. I knew for a fact, it wasn't. Her expression hardened but a soft smile still played on her lips. "There's no need to worry, I'm going to be fine. Completely, utterly fine. The results will all come back clear and I'll live my life like I normally do, in the summer we'll head up to Princeton and we both stay there for a while, it'll be the best road trip ever. Just you and me." By now, the verdict wasn't that it was cancer, maybe the doctors knew and were being extra careful, maybe they didn't. But one thing I knew, she didn't know. I remember when she got the news, the first person she looked for was me, to see my expression, to try and gauge what it was that was spiraling through my head. I remember feeling numb, feeling blank. I remember her holding my hand, whispering reassurance that blew right past me. I remember it all.
"Can you try not to faze out on me, when I'm giving you the best news!" She clutched both my hands, dragging my attention back to her. "I got into Princeton!" Quickly, I covered with feigned surprise. This was the day she got the school she always dreamed of. Unconditional offer. She was happier, than I remembered. "Are you happy for me? It's like you already knew that I would get it."
Managing a smile, I scoffed. It was painful seeing her this excited, knowing that now none of that would ever matter. All her rare work, all her endless nights, none of it would amount to anything. None of it would matter. "Of course I knew, they'd be idiots to turn you down."
"Well, they didn't. " She paused, a frown crowning her features. "What am I going to tell Ajax? I'm moving miles away from here. God, should I not choose a university so far away? I don't want to break his heart, long distance relationships never seem to work. " She paused again. "Look at me, asking relationship advice from my little sister, whilst it should be the other way round. God, I'm a wreck."
"No, you're not. And Ajax, he's going to be fine. You know how much he loves you, that boy would wait light years for you. You need to follow your dreams, go with whatever your future holds, you don't need people pulling you down."
She huffed, raking of hand through her soft hair. "I guess you're right, if he loves me as much as I love him, he'll respect my decision, right?" She looked at me for reassurance, all I could manage was a nod, it was becoming increasingly hard to lie to her. Should I tell her? She does deserve to know the truth. But will I ruin everything? Will I ruin all my chances? "We do have all the time in the world. But, what about you, Nicola? If you don't want me to go, say the word and I won't."
"You can't do that for me, abandon everything you worked hard to get." I meant for my tone to come out somewhat cheery and encouraging, but it came out flat, dull.
"You're my only sister, Nicola. I would do anything and everything for you." She trapped my hands with hers. "I love you."
"I love you more."