*
*beep beep beep*
A electric clock rings ever loudly inside her room, despite having experience this for nearly everyday of the year, her resentment of its service remains ever fresh in her mind. A vein pops out at the side of her temple as she slams her palm onto the top with precise control.
The cool morning air brushed past her face as she stepped out of her hourse, after her routine preparations she donned her prim and proper uniform. Tugging on her collar, she steps past the corridor and eventually reaches an open road. She stops by a particularly long pole with alternating lights, vague shapes of all sizes and colours rush by, emanating the roars of horns and the screeches of abrased tar.
She couldn't recognise any of these things with how blurry and smudged their contours were. She patiently waited for the light on the tall pole to change, signifying that they were free to cross.
Her lips collided with her breathe as she faced downwards, observing her hands and grasping at the air. She felt particularly strange that day, causing her mind to be slightly agitated... Her thoughts shifted around as she tried to process the present, feeling the cool air become warm in her palms, taking in the bright white of the big snowing sky. She felt a little cold, but she had conveniently brought a thick jacket on hand to keep herself cozy.
She looked around, over half the scenery were buildings similar to what she had lived in, 1 storey, short and modest homes with enough comfortable space for a small family. The other half were convenience stores, restaurants, Karaoke buildings, hotels, giant super malls.
Strange figments of low clarity moved around over the streets, judging by their general colours... They were most likely people... Was she sick? She couldn't recognise any of their faces... No, she literally could not make out the features of their faces. It's akin to watching a crowd of sentient mannequins walking around. She stopped next to another traffic light, for some reason she couldn't turn her head to look at them.
An odd sensation seized the motor capabilities of her neck and eyes, as if they ahd been frozen in that spot, only able to view the sight directly in front of her. From her peripheral vision, they were all vague distorted figure's and it was beginning to bother her even more... Ah, she didn't notice earlier. This must have been the source of her agitation. It was incomprehensible, was she possible sick?
Was there suck a sickness? If so, she wouldn't have ever heard of it... She decided to put this matter to rest as she proceeded to walk under the green light, for an instance the world was dyed in green as she strode past the illuminated ground. At that moment, everything was forgotten. Before she noticed, she had landed her first foot into the open school gate.
Just like her, countless other students donning the exact same uniform walk amongst the crowd, gradually approaching their classrooms. Some of them had arrived with their friends in tow, chatting loudly and gleefully as they their strides slowed down to prolong the conversation. Oddly enough, this cacophony of chatter and noise was comforting. She decided to leave it up to muscle memory, walking as she pleased while expecting that her legs bring her to the right class.
She stepped onto a familiar looking staircase, following closely behind many others. Her legs felt the strain of her body's weight as they drag her up the building like baggage. Bring herself to the end, she hobbled over to the door that she thought was right and entered it. A few students stared at her, and a few others were indifferent. She couldn't make out their faces or tell what they were saying, as all speech sounded like intelligible garbled mess to her hears... Did she also lose her hearing?
She found a seat and say on it. 'this must be the one' was all that went through her mind. There was no doubt. Her heart calmed down from the blood pumping of exhilaration of climbing the stairs, she used way too much energy to do so, causing her to respire heavily. Her dry heaves and dettashed gasps began to lessen as her body rested.
The smell of processed wood wafted into her nose as she layed her head to rest on the table, old wooden desks... They look quite heavy. It was a spontaneous thought, she didn't think that she particularly wanted to move the table or anything. She was simply taking in the information of her surroundings. She had been doing so from just now until now...
Could it be? She was not in fact familiar with this place? An enemy's magic? Right... Magic... The law of magical girls somewhat applies here. Her memories are close to null, but there is still a little resistance to the memory manipulation... At the same time, she felt like there was something more here, something hiding from her constantly prying eyes..
"..." (?)
She turned to face it. Her eyes full of wonder, brimming with curio- tears. As if they could spill at any moment. Right behind her, she was there.
"A... Y.... .....A...??" (?)
"... Y..." (Kaede)
She choked over her dry throat, her words were unable to take form and escape her lips. Why? Why is this happening to me? Why can't I say anything? Unable to hold on any longer, the glass is tipped and the water spills over the edge. It drips down her flushed cheeks as her pupils dilate at the other person.
What is this? What was this sensation of futility enveloping me? Like a blanket rapped over my eye sockets and stuffed into my ears. It's fabric gagging my coherent thoughts as my rationality crumbled.
" Are you Okay?" (?)
Her hair was a mix of blood red and black, it stuck to the side, revealing her beautiful dark crimson iris. She looked like she would be very fitting in a dress of full black, at the same time she didn't seem like the type to wear dresses. She couldn't explain it, but she had a feeling that the beautiful girl in front of her would prefer shorts and a thin coat. Kaede raised her hand towards her cheek, carresing her skin from the side.
These tears... These emotions... They aren't from her... What was happening? She was Kaede, she had never seen any of these things before. School? Uniforms? The ones that she knew of was completely different, not to mention this irreducible atmosphere. An atmosphere of bustling citizens and unrivaled peace, no matter how much civilisation recovers, The Great Disaster will show its marks. The scars that it left behind will continue to haunt those living in the present...
So this peaceful world... Must have been the past.
"... Why are you crying? I'm here now, aren't I? We can live together in peace...! " (Gerald)
Her little worried face soothed her heart a little, but Kaede understood that she was not the source of these feelings. She couldn't put into words... No, she could, but they wouldn't come out no matter what. These overflowing feelings completely overwhelmed her sense like a ferocious deluge of melancholy entrapped her sanity somewhere else...
Nevermind the source of these feelings... It had clearly something to do with Kaori. More importantly, why is she feeling these things? It's not something that Kaede could arrive at the answer instantly, she's forced to process it slowly as it was rather unfamiliar to experience these things. Gerald noticed the complicated expression cramping the space in Kaede's face, she got a little befuddled as a result but quickly recovered.
"This hesitation... You're not Kaori? You could say, she was the biggest fool to exist, one that has throw away hesitation into the abyss for her ideals.
I find it hard to see someone like her get this far just to lose sight over themselves." (Gerald)
"... I.... I... I...... My name... Is Kaede." (Kaede)
She grit her eyelids down tightly, as if trying to shut out all the danger in the world. Her lips and shoulders trembled while her cheeks tensed until it felt sore.
"... I'm Gerald. So your name is Kaede... A summer leaf? It must have been hard hasn't it?" (Gerald)
Instead, she received a headpat. She was sure that a fake like her will only receive ridicule from those who personally knew Kaori. She was such a respected person, that respect was of such a large magnitude that it only stands reasonable that playing as Kaori could convert it into hostility of the same magnitude. Her hair was ruffled softly as Gerald's soothing voice entered her ears.
"What was...?" (Kaede)
She was utterly confused, her thoughts stop short of working as she fail to understand the scenario she was under.
"You should know. Playing Kaori. Knowing who she is and how her surroundings affect her so much, a blank and innocent ego would be bent to her fate. I wouldn't wish that on even my worse enemies... That guy's insane, so his environments turned insane too. " (Gerald)
Gerald asserted her voice with full confidence, from such a place, Kaede felt like she could do nothing but trust her. There is no doubt in her words, so she felt that there was some basis to it. But...
" 2...?" (Kaede)
" Ah... Maybe it's a little confusing. Surely you've untransformed before to check who you really were. Inside there is a man that never looks back, that wishes to never regret his own actions.
Outside, she's a role. Kaori is a role played by Kaoru, even for someone as acquainted as I am, it's clear that it was mostly a performance. " (Gerald)
Kaede hesitates, she couldn't ever clear this hurdle of relation. Even if Gerald was a mere acquaintance, she had interacted with the real Kaori far more than she ever did, as such she cannot judge Gerald for her words laced with credibility. Even so, she would not stand for this.
"HOW CAN YOU!?!!-" (Kaede)
"... It should be clear to you by now. Kaori isn't normal. Occasionally... Her normality would leak out. That is how I can confidently say, the unrealistic portion of her significance is unrealistic. She knows it too, you know it too. What her exact role is. Stop hiding. You're here to face Kaori head on, aren't you?
The fact that you are here... Means that the world has acknowledged you as Kaori. My contract's effect affects Kaori. It is undeniable proof of your growth. You've done well thus far, you must have really wanted it if you have gone this far, so please, be proud of yourself. " (Gerald)
Her words pierced into her heart like stalactites, driving in her points into Kaede's mind. A performative role... She had that suspicion since the start. No matter how great a person was, there was no way someone with a weak body like her could instill so much faith into her companions. The faith that Barius and Neli showered her in, was unlike the mutual bond of common interest that she had with Karell.
To simplify it, her relationship with Kaori's friends were too one-sided, they believe in her too much which suffocates Kaede. But Karell never had any such expectations, she went off of what she saw Kaede was capable of and used pure rationality to push forward.
That was the origin of her suspicion, but Barius and the others have always hinted about it since the start. Kaori is weird, Kaori is not normal. They didn't expect Kaede to be normal and believed that she would return to the Kaori that they knew. They wanted Kaori, not Kaede all this time. And Kaede could do nothing but to fulfill that, she treasured her own existence and so she treasured Kaori's belonging as her own.
When she returns to her own body, her own soul, all of these connections will be cut off. She will be a complete stranger. That was her biggest fear... To not hurt others... Was the excuse she gave to not hurt herself. She willing got attached to these people and gave her everything to make sure it all went smoothly. Huh. Maybe her tears were hers to begin with.
The romance of naming a special move. The romance of having a transformation sequence. The style of showing off your abilities one by one before getting to your most powerful move. The flair of winning with a classic move like the reigning drill cross punch. One thing that she can confidently say she knew more about Kaori than Gerald. The arrival of her complete understanding of Kaori's goal, perhaps more so than how much the original knew about herself.
"It's not 100% performative." (Kaede)
"...?!" (Gerald)
"It's not JUST a front that instills hope in all. There's no way a super greedy person like Kaori could ever do that. For the people? For hope? That's an utter joke. A dream that not even the foolish Kaori would stake her life in." (Kaede)
"... Then what was it for? Did she not fight for the good of the world? Eliminating conscious lives of the cult members as if they were insects. It's an irredeemable crime of taking life that could only be reasoned with tipping the balance of good and evil. " (Gerald)
" Easy. Just like everyone else, she fights for herself. Her role was not purely performative, her goal was to make the unreal real. Her lofty ideals, she was brute forcing it into reality, and then she grit her teeth as she frontally clashed with every obstacle in the way possible.
The ideal magical girl. Saviour of saviours, the most 'magical girl' a being could ever be. " (Kaede)