***(?)
There's no telling when it all started. A loving family was easily shattered by debt and paranoia. My parents treated me normally and lovingly, but each other not so much. It was as if there was a never ending escalation of tension that could never return to normal, it was akin to a time bomb that would detonate at any moment. I tried to slow down the timer, but the timer was just an indicator display of how much time I had left. Meaning that even if I messed with the display, the time of detonation would still be the exact same.
I tried my best to work things out. My father no matter what wouldn't give up smoking and drinking, and for my mother it was arguably worse, gambling. An eternal downward spiral of hatred and malice, they used to worked together in the past in the same job, fighting off the rest of mother's relatives for the inheritance. I didn't have much knowledge or awareness on what happened when I hadn't even been born yet, but they had gone through a lot together to finally enjoy a big rest.
I did my best, I really did try. To be the perfect daughter that they could never throw away, I spent all my effort into becoming an irreplaceable existence. I went to school normal and lived a fairly average lifestyle for the first 14 years of my existence. That was when the momentum picked up and father lost his job. He could no longer support mother's and his own addiction, her recently accrued debt exponentially exacerbated the situation. It was like trudging through deep mud while blindfolded, there was no light in sight.
I assumed that I had to take things into my own hands, but of course I held hope at first. I endured, I watched as the violence increased. Whether it be my father punching her with his barefist or my mother taking a hard object to concuss him. Slowly and slowly, one day mother was no longer around to take the brunt of it. She had gone out to gamble right after taking my pocket money. I knew she would take my savings anyway, but I didn't expect her to take the money I needed to spend on food. She rushed out of the house in blind fervour, while father who lost his grip on himself searched for a punching bag...
It was ironic. I endured his punches and slaps for 5 minutes without releasing a single drop of tears, but eventually the body would start crying on its own from the physical pain it felt instead of the emotional pain. It was only when he saw my tears that he began to feel regret. I was laid on the ground with his enormous stature straddled on me, some of my teeth was out of my cheeks at this point.
My tears with nowhere to escape went over my lower eyelids and dripped over my cheeks to reach the ground. A mix of various fluids had formed a puddle on the ground. My tears, the blood from my lips, my father's perspiration. A humid hell in my own home, with no money and no happiness. A prisoner to the past, I search for this previous happiness in vain.
But you know what? I endured all of it. I saw hope. I was a naive child that believed there was light at the end of the tunnel. I was an innocent little girl with nothing better to believe in. I grew up in a loving home... That was so easily shattered in a month. When I couldn't take it anymore, I consulted a teacher, they brought over child protection services to inspect the home. It was only then that I saw the reality of the situation. My family acted like everything was normal. The service staff took care not to mention I was the one who reported.
With that, they behaved like usual. As if nothing had happened. The inspection didn't made any significant impact to their thoughts at all. My father who had realised he bruised up my face at least saw some improvement. Through the guilt and pain he felt, he didn't dare to lay a hand on me ever again. In fact he didn't know how to interact with me anymore.
What I saw was no longer love or affection from his eyes but fear. Fear at himself for doing those things, and fear at me for allowing such things to happen. If I didn't exist, it would never have happened. Perhaps such were my primary thoughts during this period of time. A foolish one I was, I assumed the blame had all laid with me. After all it was the only thing I was in control. Myself. It was the easiest thing to blame, yet the most harmful to myself.
I lived on the edge, a boundary in the middle of self loathe and self love. I was selfish enough to understand what was good for myself, and chose to act for my own wish. To keep the family together. Yet I was selfless enough to think about the feelings of my family. They who are cold and no longer feeling, they who were once my only warmth. I yearned for the past relationship, the past happy image that I had. Over and over, I would remind myself how good the past was and carry on enduring.
It only lasted for a month after father lost his job. Divorce, it was the only visible outcome from this disaster of a family. I wish I could keep it all together, but if I had to choose, I chose my father. My father who felt guilt and wished not to hurt me anymore. I chose such a human being who retained their ability to think, rather than the unthinking mother. Mother who barely held her sense of self together didn't seem so sane.
Mother who stopped being father's punching bag after I got assaulted, had already sufferent permanent damage. She seeked violence, so she created it... On me... Her methods were different. Rather than brutal raw strength, she employed whatever she saw fit. A used cigarette, a glass bottle, a metal pan. I thought I was going to die until I locked myself in my bedroom. She wouldn't dare attack father with her trauma. But she would happily inflict torture on her own daughter.
I was indeed selfish. A selfish child that only cared about her own feelings. One who evaluated her parents through the amount of pain dealt to themself. One who thought of how their parents felt but chose to ignore it for their own sense of wellbeing. In the proceedings, I pinned all the abuse onto mother, while father's problems were mostly blamed on influence of substance consumption. Since he had begun to stop consuming such substances or much of anything after he beat my face up, the court saw it as his atonement and will to improve.
Needless to say I used their own medicine against them. I manipulated some of the evidence to get the outcome I wanted. My father who had expected the worst unexpectedly received custody and some support, while mother was sentenced to time in prison. As a precaution, we moved to another place, never to see her again.
It took one more year for more bad luck. The Great Disaster. Father who had regained a little colour in his life and complexion, father who had finally begun to smile and cherish his daughter was comatosed. I could never see mother in the eye again, but even this sliver of happiness was taken from me. Of course I would accept the deal. A group of black and dark purple robed individuals approached me. They all had white masks wift different designs to hide their identity.
"We can save your father. Come with us."
They kept their end and paid for the medical fees. As for myself, I was knocked out. When I came to, it was a brightly lit room. White, white and more white. I thought I had been sent to heaven for a moment. Sometimes books, food and assignments would appear in the room after I fell asleep. There was an elevator at the end, the glass parts of it reveal such a contraption. There was more light below, meaning I could estimate at least a hundred floors were present. How they built such a facility or how it survived The Great Disaster was beyond my understanding.
But I at least knew, I needed to do well here and survive for father. As days and weeks passed, I was given access to the elevator which led to a main cafeteria. Others frequently went to each other's rooms, but I was not one to socialise with the rest. There, I met Paridia. She was a small girl nearly 2 heads below me in height. Apparently we were the same age, but her growth got stunted. Strangely enough, this bright white world seemed to pale in comparison to her brilliance. Everytime I saw her, it was as if her personality made her glow. She brought happiness, and a genuine warm light to everyone around her.
"Why is that room to the East closed up?"
"... Apparently a couple years ago, some girl went mad and pushed someone in. Originally that room had an obstacle course with a very punishing penalty for falling off the course. It was built so deep that people would die. A single person used it to push another girl in, causing the administrators of this facility to view that room as inhumane and closed it off. " (Paridia)
Such terrifying words were escaping her little mouth with such a cute voice. Just what were they teaching her in this facility? Slowly, everything was revealed. The girl had not only escaped after killing another girl, but she had also set the entire place on fire through an unknown method.
It was easy to see how she did it now. It was in the food and the conditions we lived in. It was a facility to artificially nurture and awaken magical girls. After all, we were released once we awakened ourselves. At 16 years of age, I stepped foot outside. The rubble and destruction from The Great Disaster was no longer anywhere to be seen. I was grateful to be kept in such a safe environment while humanity rebuilt itself. I didn't need to see the ugliness outside.
***
"You ended up working for the boss huh, could you tell me more?" (Kaori)
This crazy girl tried to extend her hand to me right after we nearly killed each other. It was so offputting that I lost my drive to kill. I seriously want to pull open her head an dinsoect her brain. It was insane to spare an enemy much less trust the. I was ready to die after all. The organisation that took me in and protected father was actually under the current government, The Sanctuary of The Eye God. Third parties were able to easily bypass their outstretched security and kidnap father. I suppose I was working under blackmail.
I still don't trust the ones who kidnapped father, but what can you do when they hold the life of a loved one? When the authorities you pledge your loyalty to cannot help you? The reason? They covet for my power. How ironic. I wanted to protect my family with this power, but all it did was made me a target and put them in danger.
"The center of the universe and 6th God magical girl. The creator of all magical girls, creation God Abselenia. Do you have the power to face such a being.
A carefree 'we'll solve it when we get there' or 'everyone is with me, we'll accomplish it together' will not solve it. Because for crying out loud, you're going up against a deity. Even if I abandon my father and went wild, I can't do anything. "
Their expressions visibly darken, Kaori's even more so as she contemplated over my words. I suppose she was busy mulling her decisions.
"... I have to kill her now. I can't let it past, deity or not it is time her head comes off. " (Kaori)
"Eh?!...... Heh!, you're insane. I guess that's not part of the information given to me. As far as I see, you seem to be able to live comfortably with your friend there. Why do you put your life in danger? "
A dumb sounding squeak had escaped my throat, her straightforwardness had genuinely surprised me. I assumed that due to her strength, she had a far more complicated character, but she was surprisingly simply. She must be the magical girl of 'justice' type, the type that dies fast in this kind of unforgiving world.
" Huh... You saw through me in an instant huh.... " (Kaori)
" Call it a lady's intuition, no one would behave as exaggerative as you do. We can see it in some things you do. " (Myuu)
" Well, then my goal shouldn't be a surprise anymore. I want to be the ideal magical girl. One that could solve any problem, one that could trivialise anything. An ally of justice, one who is both cute and cool. " (Kaori)
" Uwaa...."
" That's the normal reaction... Wait, you said it yourself. Why are you blushing now?! "(Myuu)
" I guess I am a bit conscious of it, but I will push my ideals like a fool. This is how I want to live." (Kaori)
She had a dumb thoughtless look on her face. Her guard had gone down though her partner kept hers up. Honestly... What an idiot.
" Call me Gerald. My friend over there is Paridia. We'll be in your care. "