when i saw your beautiful face , i couldn't understand this feeling, was it envy? was it jealousy ? was it hatred ?or was it love? i'll never know
(. sigh .....deeply sighs.....what am i doing again ? why am i doing this? why did i choose romance as the genre when i never had a girlfriend or boyfriend huh . what was i thinking? okay now . focus . breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out . now focus . mind blanks . perfecto . mama mia , what a piggzza . Italian music plays. okay now focus . wait before that . why am i writing my novel when i should be listening to my physics class? why am i like this? i can hear my professor's voice , loud and unclear , he is a substitute teacher , different from my regular professor . what is he teaching? what chapter am i on ? what charge carrier shit is he talking about? wait this is chemistry class!!! lord , please save my ass for my exams . no , don't worry this is my physics class itself, scared myself for a second. okay now , romance ,)
she looks perfect , like a cold empress , like the FL's who marries the dangerous prince under circumstances , who warns her that he will never love her , but she turns the situation around, from the most despised , she becomes the great empress, the king can't escape but fall in love with her charms, her intelligence, her smartness, her beauty , her elegance, her boldness, her perfectness . the long dark black hair, her clear black eyes deeper than the ocean filled with mystery and sadness , her fair white skin , her elegant movements were all similar to that empress novel's . was i the inly one who thinks that . i look at the other's , they seem fine , it feels as if I'm the only one bewitched my her . as if we were fated to be . enemies or lovers ?
("ruru , eat your dinner . " mom has no idea how hard writer's have to focus to write such masterpieces .i have lost all my ideas. i guess this is the end of this beautiful masterpiece . "i'll eat later mom" i said even though i know i won't remeber to eat it later . (she walks near me, i close my writing pad , and pretend to be in class focusing , she takes the mango , she walks slowly , dissapearing into the living room )i coud see her shadows , and now that she has gone,(slowly opens writing pad and starts writing . )oh shit she's coming near me (closes writing pas like a boss,)she places the mango on my books, the bright orangish yellow colour attracts my attention , as it slowly falls over onto my record book and now is stained, a single thought crossed my mind "my professor is going to kill me , isnt he" .)
writing a novel was a dream , my wish , my interest , my love , my money making baby , just like all my other babies . the amount of unfinished novels, short-stories, brain storms, ideas sitting in a corner and becoming free housing for the spiders are a bit high . I'm sorry my unfinished novels which has only 1 chapter in different websites, notebooks, textbook backsides, drawing books, notepad, phone , diary ..... and i deeply apologize to the novels who couldn't see the light , and were burned, lost, and will neve be found, cause i forgot my password . such a shame
[how to read: ()=our mc's adhd self's thoughts
{} = totally different train of thoughts
other part : his novel he is writing ]