It was a lamentable journey.
To become reincarnated as a villainess in a fantasy-romance webcomic, my life entirely dedicated to making sure the female lead, Edna Raphael, my adopted younger sister, live happily ever after. To make sure that the heroine and the hero plays cat-and-mouse, so that none of them will pay attention to me. And when they do that, I will slip away quietly through the cracks of our unheld converstaions.
Victoria Hellbert.
That is now my name- Victoria Hellbert. Victoria, as a normal european woman's name, and Hellbert, my family's name as the subtle metaphor for 'hell,' as the webcomic is called "The Flowers of Heaven." Victoria Hellbert.
When I first woke up in this body, I had went through an excrutiating experience of death and sorrow. On an exploding plane on my way back home, knowing that my end is near, and knowing that I will never be able to do the things I hoped to and that forever, I will depart from my family. My beloved parents. When they are old, who will take care of them? They only have me, and I only have them.
However, when I am met by silence and peaceful sound of twittering birds, there was a brief moment of relief from the wails of desperate people. Now, there is nothing but a warm, glowing light in a luxurious room lavished in gold and tranquility. That is when, I saw 'myself', in the body mirror right across from me, that I have become a devilish beauty. She was terrifyingly beautiful that it sent an uncomfortable chill down my spine, that in front of me was such a surreal woman whose skin is bore by my soul.
I have read things like this before as well. Tropes of twenty-first century girls getting reincarnated as the villainess. While I found the idea favourable, I was disdained when it has now happened to me. How come, that I don't feel shock or joy, or that this very moment is not comedic or important, but another fleeting scene? That my existence which had been erradicated prior, will leave nothing behind and I am now caged in a body of a sinner, whose sin I have to bear.
Perhaps, if I do things like them, I will lead a happy life in this world too. If I follow the rules and annul my engagement, push the heroine with the hero, then I will have the hero as mine. Then, if I act villainous as expected, the people would instead endear me.
"What is your answer? Or do I have to repeat myself?" The man in front of me penetrated his awful stare at me. He had just asked to annul the engagement prior to this conversation. And of course, if I remember correctly, the best course of action would be to agree. However, I could not do that. "Perhaps you're still sick. No, no... Right- you were faking it all along, am I right?"
He arrogantly smirked, but it was one full of malice. His face, while handsome, was completely lifeless like a printed picture. Everything he did was puppet-like, with his whole brain and heart belonging to Edna, my younger sister and the heroine.
I did not reply. Instead, I watched him. He was the most powerful Duke of Eden, and I did not despise him. I was, in fact, admiring him prior because I was simply a hopeless girl in my previous life. But now, faced with the terrible bastard himself, I could not help but feel nauseous. Was this what I've been admiring all along?
"You must love my sister Edna very much, Duke."
His eyes widened at the name.
"I do love her very much, yes. More than any woman in the world." His attempt to insult me was somewhat pitiful.
"Then you must hate me very much as well."
Puzzled, he did not speak.
"What are my sins, Duke?"
"It will take all day."
"I am willing to listen. Tell me, what Victoria- I, did. What sins I've committed, what horrible things that would drive me to Hell like my name- Hellbert."
I am not oblivious to Victoria's sins. She was a sinful woman, someone who had turned a blind eye to Edna's abuse and isolate her from the high society, and this was all her fault. At worst, she planned a murder on Edna, but at this point of the plotline it has yet to happen.
Needless to say, there was not as much sins as you think an evil woman like her would commit.
When he heard that, the man began to list all of my wrongdoings. From the smallest mistakes to unforgivable crimes, which I had to accept.
"I see. So those are my sins," I simply nodded, listening to him. I did not speak after that, looking down at my lap.
I had no regrets, as I did not commit those evil deeds. Then, why must I bear the sins of the woman foreign to my soul?
"What do you mean 'These are my sins'? Have you forgotten them?" He asked, confused and angered as he slammed his palms onto the table, standing upright. However, upon witnessing the cold silence and contemplation, he stood there and watched before slowly sitting down.
Go away, disappear. Right now, right there.
I do not wish to see your face or anyone's. Enough of this clownery. Enough of this trying to fix this world, trying to make this villainous woman better, enough of trying to fix her life together. Why must it be me?
I had my own life, and it is completely robbed away by God. But surely, it can't be a coincidence that I am reincarnated here. Where is the real Victoria?
I rolled my eyes and stared straight into the eyes of the prideful bastard.
"Listen. I do not love you. This does not mean that I am unwilling to negotiate our arranged marriage. I am willing to give you up to Edna. I don't care. I'm tired of this."
He was blank, and it was an expected reaction.
"What do you mean? What do you mean you don't love me?"
"Because I'm tired of you. You just love Edna too much, and everything about Edna is your concern. I will not get in the way of you two, so don't annul the engagement. I just need this, and after awhile, I'll give you up to her."
He was furious.
"I'm not just an object you can throw away. No wonder you're an evil woman, a completely horrid one."
Rage whirred in my soul. Why must I go through with this? Why must I live through this? What will happen of me from now on?
"Okay. Good for you."
That was all I could say in the fit of rage. As I turned back, I did not dare to look at the clown. However, as he did not object my request, there was no need to talk to him anymore.
There was a reason why I did not reject his proposal. Because, while Victoria was an evil woman, she was a schemeless one. A stupid one, rather. I believed that if I make things right for her in this right, and set her up for life like bearing a toddler, she would come back and live her life while I go back and live mine.
Now that I am here, I realised I would rather leave this blasphemous life to its own accord.
"Wait!" He suddenly clamoured. I halted.
"Yes?"
"...Interesting."
"What?"
"You're getting interesting."
When I heard that, my heart fell into my stomach. It was a phrase I hoped to never hear, because it would signal his attraction towards me. He was the man I wanted to get away from the most, as he was a michievious, heartless, cruel man. He would shed blood of the innocent willingly if they disappointed him or even looked at Edna.
"Go to hell!" I yelled back in fury. He did not flinch, but instead looked at me with a cocky smile.
"Even more interesting now."
Tears would well up in my eyes. I could not afford him to be infatuated with me. I would not turn back and reveal my vulnerable state. I understood that to survive, I must not provoke him further. And so, I walked away, leaving an empty room except for the malicious Duke, who was grinning like a predator to a prey.
As I paced back to my room, I would stumble onto my back and lie against the bedframe, my breath hot and my eyes warm with dripping tears.
"Me... Me..."
I held onto my knees.
"Where am I?"
I would look around the room. Standing up again, I went to the mirror. Touching 'my' face, I could feel it become entirely foreign to me. I could not see 'me', but 'Victoria.'
"Where are you, Victoria?"
Even if I walked a thousand mile or ran a billion times over, would I be able to find the true Victoria Hellbert.
I was wrong to expect my journey to be a happy, exciting villainess-reincarnation story. As I slowly slithered my fingers onto Victoria's frail neck, I held my breath and firmly grasped onto it.
Whilst killing myself like this, Victoria's beauty was still present. I wondered how she would look as a rotting corpse.
I could no longer hide my hatred for Victoria no more.
Disappear.
I thought, as I gripped firmer onto my neck.
Please, disappear. Die. Go and die in hell.
However, I stopped midway because I didn't want to die.
I was afraid.
Though, if Victoria came back, would I die? Had my body already been ripped to sheds by the engines. It was entirely hopeless and cruel.
I could only tremble as I held myself tight, weeping as I dug my nails into the back of my neck, my throat clasping and my soul erupt in pain and torment. My eyes were blurry and my breath was warm, but it wasn't enough to comfort me.
It seemed like I would never be able to feel happy again within this cage.