As I pulled into a parking space at the park I could see that Anthony had already found a seat at one of the picnic tables. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and released my breath. I turned my car off and sat for a few seconds. I knew why I was so nervous and I kept trying to talk myself into not turning around and leaving. I don't think I should add this to Toni's life, I know he should know but I couldn't help but wonder how good it would be for her. I took another deep breath and opened the door to the car and got out. I walked over to the picnic table that Anthony was sitting at and sat across from him.
"So what's this about Chanaé?" he asked before I could even put my stuff on the table
"Oh Wow no catching up or anything? Just straight to the point." I put my keys and phone I'm front of me. He looked irritated which made me think that I shouldn't tell him at this point.
"The last time I saw you it wasn't a pleasant ending. Then almost five years later you want to pop up at my mom's house saying we need to talk. Of course, I am curious as to why this is"
"Honestly after college and even during your time in college you didn't come back home so us even having a conversation about what happened could not have happened" I replied to him.
"I came home I just had no reason to tell anyone you broke up with me and Bobby stopped taking my calls so I came now and then to see my mom in college and when I got drafted I left and never had a reason to come back I could always fly Ma out to see me. Even if you knew I was in town what difference would it make we were broken up?" He seemed agitated or even dismissive and I didn't know what to say to that.
"I have to say I am sorry you and Bobby didn't stay friends, that is partially my fault but also if you want to know he and I stopped taking around the same time so I didn't know about you guys not talking." I felt that he needed to know I also lost my bond with my brother.
"I didn't know that. Why did you guys stop talking that makes no sense?" He questioned.
"Well that's partially why I asked to talk to you today" I looked down and messed with my hands.
"Okay," he said looking at me confused.
"Well do remember our break up?" I asked
"Of course," he said in a short tone.
"So that morning I came to your house I wasn't really mad at you, I was kind of already upset when I got to your house," I explained to him.
"I knew that already. So what was so wrong that you needed to break up with me?" He straightened on the bench.
"Well right before I came to see you I found out I was pregnant," I told him. He just sat there he didn't say anything at all. When he didn't move or say anything I called his name
"Anthony?"
"Yes," he said jumping in his seat.
"Did you hear me?" I asked him,
"So what happened?" He asked.
"Well... Did your mom tell you that she saw me at the store?" I asked him
"Yes, she said that she saw you and your daughter. Wait, is the little girl mine?" He asked
" Well I thought about getting an abortion, but when it was time I just couldn't do it." That was the truth I wanted to so badly but I am glad I lost the nerve because Toni is the best thing that had ever happened to me.
"So you mean to tell me that I have a daughter and I wasn't told about it?" He said jumping up angrily off of the bench.
"Wait, don't get mad," I said standing up with him.
"What do you mean don't get mad. You had a whole baby and never told me about it." He was angry and I understood why he just had a bomb thrown on his lap.
"I mean calm down and let me explain what happened" I tried to get him to let me explain.
"Calm down, seriously Chanaé that's what you want to say?" He started slamming his hand on the table out of anger.
"I want you to let me explain. I was going to tell you that day at your house I thought about it all the way there but I knew you were going to try and talk me into keeping it and even trying to take care of us and I couldn't let you put your career in jeopardy because we weren't careful enough." I tried reasoning with him.
"So you decided to take matters into your own hands and make a decision for me. That's the most selfish thing I have ever heard someone say out of their mouth. "I was trying to save you so I didn't tell you that you have a whole human being that's a part of you out there but I decided not to tell you" that's bullshit Chanaé and you know it," he said quoting with air quotes the part about saving him.
"You're mocking me but your career would not have become what it is today had you had to stop playing ball to work and take care of a baby and you and I both know that" I was getting frustrated because he made it seem like I wasn't thinking about his career and his future.
"You can make it seem like you were saving me and my future but the fact is your a selfish coward who as usual wants to control everything like you always tried in our relationship and that is unacceptable for me and the kid." The audacity of him to even say I am selfish.
"Selfish, selfish, are you freaking kidding me? Do you know what I gave up to raise my daughter and how hard I had to fight and work to make sure I finished school while my family deemed me some no good hoe for getting pregnant in high school and being a single mother? Selfish is the last thing I should be called" This is going nowhere and he is just mad so he isn't even listening to reason.
"You worked hard and raised her on your own because you chose to not because you had to," he said with venom in his voice.
"You know what this is not going anywhere And I have to go," I said turning and heading away from the table.
"Are you serious? Are you just going to come to my house bring me here and then just leave without resolving it? This is crazy." He said coming around the table.
"I tried to talk to you and you're too hostile," I said to him stopping in my tracks
"Oh well, I am sorry I didn't react calmly to being told I have a child who I knew nothing about. How about I tell you how right you were to keep me from my child." He stated
"Wait let's get one thing straight she is my daughter, not your child. I am letting you know that you do not have to be in her life, you just need to know about her because it's only right especially since I know your mom saw her and you and Bobby are mending your friendship." This conversation made me even more content on not sharing my daughter with anyone.
"I want to meet her. It seems like I wouldn't even have the chance had there not been other people that could tell me about her. What's her name?" He was starting to pry and wanting to get to know Toni which means he didn't plan on going anywhere and that is sort of what I knew he was going to do.
"Her name is Antoinette but we all call her Toni" I saw the look that passed his face when I announced her name.
"So you even named her after me? For real Chanaé but didn't tell me. When can I meet her?" He questioned again.
"Wait. It ok old you about her not to meet her but so that you knew about her. You know how it's done. There is no need to go that far." Now I was regretting telling him.
"Chanaé I am starting to think that you are certifiably crazy. How do you think I am not about to meet my child. You took five years to even tell, don't you think you're being a little selfish?" This man is delusional if he thinks I am letting him meet my daughter.
"You don't even live here, so how does meeting her benefit anyone?" I am not letting my daughter meet him only to have to see him leave to g ok back home.
"Seriously that does not matter I can make it work. I want to be in my child's life. She is a part of me too. And I think my mom would want to meet her too. She has been hounding me for years to settle down and give her a grandchild."
"I will think about it. Anthony you have to be fair this will change her life forever. She has only known me as a parent for the last five years." I explained to him.
"Again Chanaé this is all because you played God with our lives. It should have been my choice what I did with my life when you told me the news." He was starting to get agitated again.
"Let's take a seat because playing the blame game is not getting us anywhere," I told him as I walked back and took a seat at the picnic table first, he followed suit.
"Chanaé this isn't the blame game it's the truth and I want to meet my daughter." He sat waiting for a response.
"Okay how about this I can introduce you as my friend and we go from there?" He looked like he was going to disagree then I saw the look on his face change and he calmed a little.
"Okay. I will agree to that for now. How about later?" I almost objected and then I thought about him fighting for more and I couldn't.
"Okay. She loves this diner in the parkade you know the one that is kind of old school she loves their burgers and shakes how about we meet there on Saturday?" This was taking my whole soul to do.
"Okay," he said and we got up and went our separate ways.